[Ross]

TIBBNews.

"SHANESSA COLLINS RUINED MY MARRAIGE, MY LIFE AND MY LIMITED EDITION TURQUOISE FENDI PURSE..."

Prince Samuel Jr of Torquay has hit out at the woman in which he had several one-night-fling's with explaining how she has ruined his life for good. He goes on to explain how his fling with Collins (below), was the biggest mistake of his life and talks of how she tortured him into her "sex games" and frequent tasting sessions of unknown "bodily fluids".

Prince Samuel tells how he regrets ever meeting Collins at one of TiBB's most successful games after party, titled "Elimination: The Party Never Stops" hosted by gameshow Queen, Ross Buchanan.
We asked Prince Samuel what happened that evening and he told us that Collins was dancing around the dancefloor like a thing-possessed. "It kind of turned me on a little, I must admit. I went over to approach this young lady who looked like she was having a seizure to offer my assistance. It's not often that these kind of girls get to meet royalty like myself." Samuel said.

"The party went on right into the night, I had a few drinks with Collins and my good friends Marke$ha and LemonJacob (host of the less successful gameshow, The Candidate). Towards the end of the night I could see Collins was getting tired, so I offered to take her home. I asked her for directions to her place and she said "YOURS!" in a rather manly voice. This was the biggest mistake of my life and I know the right thing to do was throw Collins onto the street where she belongs but I didn't. I took Collins back to one of my pads located in the woods and we had made fantastic love making. The next morning when I woke up, Collins was sat on my face shouting at me to "Lick it, just lick it. Punish me, King. Punish me!" - she told me lick anything that came out of our bodies. - Collins tied me up for 2 weeks, in that time she gave me one phonecall to phone my beloved Wife and tell her I was on a 'business trip' - Collins tortured me for the whole 2 weeks, forcing me to do things I never knew were even possible. I was dieing inside. I asked her to let me go several times but she refused and continued to slap me.

One morning I woke up to find myself untied and to find Collins gone. There was a note left on the pillow to my right and it read "Thanks for the Limited Edition Turquoise Fendi Purse, it looks so good with my shoes. P.S. Check the paper hun. TTYN xoxo".

I take this moment to apologise to my wife, whom is currently on holiday in Malibu, she is staying in the luxury room on the top of the building.

[Shaun]

...ross. get help, honey.