[Mark]

Written by ROB

The Hadley Wood Chronicles

Scene 1: The bedroom of a modest maisonette in the pleasant London suburb of Hadley Wood.
Date and time: Sunday, 27th January 2002, 10am
Players:
Paul, 25, part-time car designer
Helen, 23, hairdresser, currently employed as a daytime TV beauty and fashion consultant
The pair have been cuddled up cosily in bed together, fast asleep, and Helen is lying across Paul’s arm. Paul wakes to find that his arm has gone completely numb and attempts to prise it gently free. Even this slight movement causes Helen to cling more tightly to him. She mutters something incoherently and snuggles her face into his chest. Paul looks down at her and is unable to supress a smile when he sees the blobs of spot cream dotted about her face.
He kisses the top of her head affectionately….
P: H, you awake?
H: Mmmm? What? Oh, hello Paul Clarke love…
P: No, don’t go to sleep again, wake up a minute Helen-
H: Yeah, OK, I am awake now. (Looks up at him with a big beaming smile)It’s so LUSH to wake up and see you there!
P: You bin waking up and seeing me here for five months now babe.
H: Not yere I haven’t, not in our own little house!
P: Well, yea, I suppose. It is absolutely amazing really, isn’t it?
H: It’s fan-bloody-tastic Paul!
P: Yeah! When you think about it, it's really, really mad!
H: It is mad!
P: Anyway, H, we’ve got a double bed now you know.
H: Oh Paul,I do know that. We’re in it! I liked your single bed though. I wanted to keep it when we moved.
P: I know H, but we couldn’t keep clinging to each other for ever.
H: But I LIKE clinging together, Paul
P: Yeah, you do, and I do, fair do’s, fair do’s! But H, when you’re asleep, I’m pinned up against the wall because you lie on your back.
H: I do not!
P: You do, and you snore!
H: Paul Clarke, I do not snore!
P: You do, you snore, and you blow bubbles!
H: Well you talk all the time.
P: You know I can’t help that H.
H: Well I can’t help blowin’ bubbles. I don’t think you love me no more.
P: You know that is not true, H. I love you to bits. But I HAVE got something really important to say…
H: Here it comes, I thought this would happen, Oh, Paul, what is it? I can’t stand it, you don’t love me no more, do you?
P: H, I do love you, I really, really do, but…
H: But what Paul? Oh, I don’t want to hear this!
P: Helen Adams! If you’ll just let me talk…
H: Ohmigod, ohmigod, what is it, whassamatter?
P: H, you are on my bloody arm. Can you please shift?
H: Is that all?
P: Yes Helen, it’s gone all numb and I can’t feel a thing. Look! (Prods his arm)
H: Can’t you feel this? (She prods his arm)
P: No, I can’t feel nothing!. Cool isn’t it?
H: Yeah! And can you feel this? ( She strokes his tummy)
P: A little bit…..
H: And can you feel this? ……………………..
Scene 2, the same room, 11.05am
P: Well, we’ve never done THAT before H!
H: I know Paul!
P: Did you like it?
H: I think you know the answer to that Mr Clarke. Gorgeous! Mmmmmmm…
P: What’s the matter H?
H: What do you think Paul? More?
P: Bloody hell Helen, even I have limits you know!
H: Not you Mr Clarke!
P: Mate, no-one can keep up with you. You are amazing!
H: Oh, Go on Paul....
P: Shall we?
H: Yeah! Your turn this time!
P: OK babe
H: And Paul?
P: Yes babe?
H: Just two more slices and I’ll have strawberry jam on mine this time, oh, and bring a plate.
P: A plate? You being a posh bird now H?
H: No, it’s just there’s crumbs everywhere Paul, and they’re sticking to my bottom
P: Shall I brush them off for you first?
H: Weeell, you could I s’pose
Scene 3, same room, 12.10 pm
The phone rings and Paul answers.
P: Oh, hello Mum! No, no of course you didn’t wake us. What are we doing? Well, H is erm (looks across the bed at Helen who is shaking her head vigorously) erm in the shower, and I….....No, we haven’t started dinner yet. You’ve made what? B-linding!
Could we? Mum, you're a star! OK Mum, can you give us a couple of hours? Yeah? Brilliant! See you soon. What? Yes, I know, drive carefully. Don’t worry I will, I’m a new man now. I got responsibilities - Bye!
H: Oh Paul, I wanted to cook your dinner today!
P: But, H, it’s a roast. You know how great my mum’s roast is!
H: (Sighs) I know Paul, she puts Marmite in the gravy…..
P: Absolutely amazing, mate, absolutely bloody amazing! Come on H, get ready, it’ll take at least an hour and a half. Even if the M25’s clear, there’s road-works on the M4. Bloody thousands of traffic cones, mate.
H: Oh Paul, I doan want to go to your mum’s and I don’t like it when you call me mate. I’m not a bloke you know. I’m a girl! (Starts to sniffle)
Paul sits down next to her, puts his arm round her and pulls her over to him.
P: I had noticed that, actually. But you are my best mate as well.
H: Am I Paul?
P: You know you are!
H: But I’m a 'responsibility' as well aren’t I Paul? Don’t you like having me as your responsibility? (Sniffles somewhat dramatically)
P: Oh, don’t cry babe. You know I hate it when you cry. (Puts his hand under her chin and pulls her head up gently) I don’t know about you being a responsibility, mate, I think you’re a LIABILITY!
H: Is that good? (snuggles into his chest and looks up at him through moist eyelashes)
P: (Sighs, shakes his head and smiles) Course it is H. Course it is..........
Scene 4, 3.15pm Paul and Helen arrive in Reading
P: Hello Mum, Dad! Wotcha Lee!
Lee: Hmm! Where’ve you been? We’re starving!
P: Yeah, sorry!
Ken: Traffic bad son?
P: Bloody terrible Dad. You know that contra-flow section near………..
Jenny: Never mind that dear. It's all ready. Sit down and let’s dish up. Helen, is that enough for you, or do you want another slice?
H: Mmmm, please Jenny. I don’t know why, but I’m starvin' today!
L: I do!
J: Shh dear! Paul, have some more. You look as if you need it. Are you losing weight?
P: No Mum, I’m fine, I really fine.
J: Are you eating properly? Is he Helen?
H: He is Jenny, he doan eat as much as me though! You didn’t finish that dairylea on toast I made you on Friday night did you Paul? I had to finish it for you!
K: I expect you had a working lunch, didn’t you son?
P: Yeah, the canteen’s really good at Ford.
J: Just as well really, dear.
K: Do they still have to put you in the exec dining room son?
P: Well, it does save a lot of bother!
K: Surely all the girls have got your autograph by now haven’t they Paul?
P: Yes Dad they have, they have, but they keep losing them, and some of them are filling in their BB3 applications at the moment, right, and they keep asking me to help them.
J: Oh, that's nice dear.
H: That’s the first I’ve heard about that Paul Clarke!
P: H, it’s nothing! I gotta help though, haven’t I?
H: I suppose so. Are they all girls though Paul?
P: Yeah, nearly. Well there is Tristram in accounts, he’s been needing a lot of help with his. Funny, I didn’t realise he was so thick! I mean four bloody times I’ve had to go through his form with him!
H: Really?
P: Yeah, and we’ve had those work experience girls in this last week. From my old school, and guess what Lee?
L: (sheepishly) Yeaaah?
P: They all reckoned they had already had my autograph!
L: They had?
P: You bloody know they had mate! You sold them to them. £2 each!
J: Lee Clarke!
P: I wouldn’t mind, but I haven’t signed nothing! Oh, and Lee?
L: What?
P: I’m worth more than two bloody quid mate! How many did you sign! Hand it over.
L: I haven't got it no more.
K: So that’s how you got the money for Play Station 2 Lee! I thought you'd been delivering the Evening Post!
L: Yeah, well, sorry. OK, so I did do sell the autographs. It took me hours to do them all! They all wanted one,they all wanted to meet him. I was providing a public service.
K: (Whispers to Lee) So where have you been every evening for the last five months?
L: (Whispers back) Well Dad, a couple of the girls thought it was really cool that he was my brother....
K: Time we had a talk I think son!
L: No need Dad, sorted!
K: OH! Did Paul tell you all about stuff before he left?
L: No Dad, but Emma Goodbody did!
K: That’s my boy!
J: What are you two whispering about? Ken, don’t encourage the boy. Still, it show’s enterprise I suppose.
K: More than you might imagine!
J: So, Paul, what did you do when you found out about it?
P: I had to bloody sign them all again. All the blokes in the office were taking the p*ss!
J: Poor you! You already work so hard. You look really tired today.
P: You know what, mum? I’m knackered, absolutely bloody knackered!
J: You need a nice early night tonight dear.
H: Don’t worry Jenny, he will have, I’ll make sure of that!
L: I bet she will!
Scene 5, later that evening. Helen and Paul have left, and the Reading household settles down to bed for an early night.
K: Did Paul ring earlier to say if they’d got back alright?
J: Yes, thankfully. Oh Ken, do you think he’s alright? I mean Helen is a lovely girl, but I've been doing all the cooking whilst they were here, Dairylea on toast? She’s not going to look after him the way I do.
K: No, and that’s all for the best. He needed to get away. He was turning into a mummy’s boy!
J: Ken, he was not. Paul is a lovely boy. I do worry about our boys, both of them.
K: Get used to it girl, you have lost one already, and the other one won’t be far behind.
J: Helen will have to learn that a way to man’s heart is through his stomach.
K: You know Jenny, I’ve never mentioned this before, but that’s not entirely true. Come here….
J: Ken!!!!
In the adjoining bedroom Lee groans, puts the pillow over his head, and tries to sleep.
Scene 6: 01.00hrs 28.1.02
Back in Hadley Wood, all is still until Paul stirs and starts to sing quietly in his sleep.
‘Please don’t wake me, please don’t shake me, leave me where I am, I’m only sleeping’
Helen, half asleep, smiles to herself as she listens.
"Paul Clarke, I swear, I worry about you! Bless your little cotton socks, love you!"
Smiling, she snuggles right up to his chest again. He doesn’t wake, and she soon drifts off to sleep, dreaming of yet another day’s work, being massaged, pampered and spoiled.
“Not bad for a Welsh girl with two GCSE’s, Helen Adams” she murmurs, “not bad at all…….”

[susieq]

Not bad for a Welsh girl with two GCSE?s, Helen Adams? she murmurs, ?not bad at all

Another stroke of genius ROB - that line just makes me smile so much. It's so sweet and so Helen.