['Conor]

That would be an ecumenical matter.

['Conor]

Careful now!

[Ramsay]

''sorry about that...!''
''GET OUTTA DA CAR!!''

[Kate!]

"How'd that Gob****e get on the television?" Father Jack about Dougal on a TV show.

[Omah]

Dougal: Do you remember that bit when St. Tibulus, he tried to take that banana off the other lad?

Father Ted: That wasn't a banana, Dougal.

[Kate!]

Mrs Doyle

Youtube video

[Omah]

Originally Posted by *Kate*

"How'd that Gob****e get on the television?" Father Jack about Dougal on a TV show.

(As Ted and Dougal watch Dougal on the newly repaired TV.)

Father Jack: That gob****e again! Is he never off the air?! (hurls glass bottle at the television.)

[Kate!]

^ yes that was hilarious.

[Omah]

Mrs Doyle: (While Ted is trying to eat a sausage)

They were a bit obsessed with the old...S-E-X. God I'm glad I never think of that type of thing Father. That whole sexual world. God, when you think of it it's a dirty, filthy thing, isn't it Father? Can you imagine Father? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, and him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? God almighty can you imagine that Father? Can you picture it there Father? Oh get a good mental picture of it. Can you see him there? Ready to do the business?

[Jessica.]

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Omah

Mrs Doyle: (While Ted is trying to eat a sausage)

They were a bit obsessed with the old...S-E-X. God I'm glad I never think of that type of thing Father. That whole sexual world. God, when you think of it it's a dirty, filthy thing, isn't it Father? Can you imagine Father? Can you imagine Father, looking up at your husband, and him standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself? God almighty can you imagine that Father? Can you picture it there Father? Oh get a good mental picture of it. Can you see him there? Ready to do the business?

[Bollo]

Father Dougals' description of 'The Beast'

Youtube video

Dougal: I'm not surprised Ted. If I was a sheep. I'd be watching my back right now.
Ted: Why?
Dougal: Because of the beast. They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know what Ted, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears. Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps and Mrs. Doyle was tellin' me that it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses.

& the 'things that don't exist' list

[Kizzy]

We have to lose that sax solo!!!!

[Ramsay]

''blur or oasis..??''
''ehhhh blur!''
''WHA?!!?''
''i mean oasis!..oasis!
''father damo your tea is ready''
''YEH-EYE'LL-BE-IN-INA-MINNAH!!!''

[Omah]

Mrs Doyle:

It doesn't matter what day it is, Father. There is always time for a nice cup of tea! Sure didn't our Lord himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world?

[Ramsay]

no mrs doyle he did not!!

[Omah]

Mrs Doyle:

Now... (pouring Jack a cup of tea) ... and what do you say to a cup?

Father Jack:

Feck off, cup!

[Kizzy]

Aaaaah lovely fags.......

[Omah]

Father Ted:

More bad news, Dougal. I've just been speaking to Father Ned Fitzmorris. He tripped on a paving stone and one of his kneecaps fell off. There's no way around it...I'm going to have to put him in goal.

[Kizzy]

I used to love that song, but that version was catastrophic!

[Jack_]

Father Ted is just amazing. I bought the box set last year

[Omah]

Father Ted:

That would be quite common you know. The favourite son would become a doctor and then the idiot brother would be sent off to the priesthood.

Father Dougal:

Your brother is a doctor isn't he?

Father Ted:

Yes he is.