[Romantic Old Bird]

I think his dislike of chocolate hobnobs makes him not only totally unacceptable as a Big Brother winner, it also calls into question if he is indeed a terrestial of this planet.

We have looked at Jon, with his eccentricities sci-fi obsessions as the odd one out, but Cameron is the one we should be wary of.

Witness his brother who is by comparison, 'normal'. I believe the Cameron Stout we know may be a changeling


I give you the facts

He is thirty two
He says bother! and flip!
He doesn't drink
He believes his body is sacrosanct, and is saving himself for marriage
He doesn't like human kisses, and, worst of all, he doesn't like chocolate hobnobs

He is an alien being, programmed entirely with information gained from the dialogue of an old Ealing comedy (Whiskey Galore) and three episodes of the original black and white version of Doctor Finlays casebook.


Because of the vast journey involved before these broadcasts were received in their galaxy, they have miscalculated the style and social mores fractionally, resulting in the creation in that man of the fifties, Cameron Stout.

However, they are an advanced race, and their creation is in every other way almost flawless: - save for one polypeptide chain, which renders Cameron unable to digest chocolate hobnobs or to effectively metabolise alcohol.

If he wins Big Brother he will infiltrate the celebrity circuit, the heirarchies of the Evangelical movement and the Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food.

He will go on to infiltrate the BBC as a guest presenter of Songs of Praise, and quickly establish himself as a national icon, hosting his own show on weekday afternoons: Cameron's Crusade. This will offer a lively mix of hymns and inspirational poetry, and a discussion on moral dilemma's facing the nation.

Whilst appearing to encourage a return to traditional family values, and advocationg stay at home mothers, he will, in fact be broadcasting subliminal messages to pave the way for those countless others who will follow..........