[Romantic Old Bird]

Moved from BB4 section before Sticks moans at me:

Overheard in the Big Brother longue earlier:

C: Stef, do you think I could actually WIN this thing?

S: I do, Cam. I think you stand a really good chance. I suppose we all do, because we’re still here.

C: Oh yes, of course we are. I had’na thought of that.

S: I mean, I’m the last girl, but I know I’ve got a lot of competition from the girlie votes.

C: Oh Stef, I will na’ get the girlie vote I would nae think. That’s more for Scott, and maybe Ray.

S: Yeah, but I think you’ve got a wider appeal. I think the mum’s and the housewives will like you as well.

C: Oh stop it! You’ll make me blush!

S: Well, you’re an attractive man

C: I’m no!

S: You are, and you aren’t worldly either. I think they’ll like that.

C: I’m not so sure. D’ye ken they would pick me above someone like Scott? He’s a good looking boy, and Ray, well he’s going to appeal to a lot of women I think.

S: Cameron, you’ve got to stop putting yourself down. They are just boys, and you are a man. Women want a real man.

C: Well, I suppose I am a good bit older than either of them.

S; You are, but it’s a good thing. You look like you know how to treat a lady.

C: Well, my mother has always taught me to be respectful……..

S: Yes and you are respectful Cameron. Very.

C: I’m sure you wouldnae like it if I was rough and ready. I could not treat a woman badly, on no. I always ask myself……..

S: I know, ‘What would Jesus do?’

C: Exactly.

S: I’m not sure that’s completely applicable to your relationship with women though Cam. I mean, Jesus was celibate. He didn’t have much contact with women at all.

C: He did, what about Mary Magdalene then? And his mother of course.

S: Well, I know about them, but he didn’t have a real relationship with them did he? Not in an intimate way, if you know what I mean.

C: Stef! You cannot talk aboot Jesus like that. That’s shocking!

S: Sorry Cameron, but you know what I mean.

C; I think I do yes, but I’m sure he was very caring towards women.

S: Give me an example then

C: Well, he saved Mary Magdalene from a fate worse than death.

S: Yes, I suppose

C: And he cured the sick

S: True. What else?

C: I’m sure there were lots of things he did.

Jon Tickle enters room and adds an aside: J: Yes, he also took fisherman away from their livelihoods, told them to abandon their families and sent them all around the meditteranean to spread the word.

C: Oh Jon, you cannae say that. It wasn’t like that. He changed their whole life for the better.

(Jon, casually walking through on his way to the Garden: )
J: Mmm, I suppose writing letters and ending up crucified upside down was a great comfort to Peter…..Just my opinion….(Jon leaves the room)

C: See, I don’t like that. Sometimes Jon says things that make me feel, well, a bit angry.

S: I know. He’s a funny bloke sometimes. Do you think he could win?

C: I suppose he might do. If Ray’s right, and he came back in on a public vote, then has must be popular out there.

S: Yes, but we don’t know do we? It’s women that vote anyway, and he won’t get the girlie vote will he? Or the Housewife’s vote.

C: No, that’s me, the housewives choice. Mind you when I was in South Africa…..

S: Yes, well, as I was saying Cam

C: But you have nae let me finish..

S: I think you do appeal to women Cam

C: Ach no……no really.

S: You do. But do you mind me saying, something to you?

C: No, go on Stef.

S: Well, I think you should be more masterful sometimes

C: Masterful? Well, when a smacked your bum you did not like it. That’s for sure..

S: That’s not masterful Cam. That’s something that I would expect from Ray.

C: So what’s masterful then?

S: Taking the lead a little bit in a relationship.

C: How so?

S: Well, you know, taking a woman in your strong arms, nuzzling into her neck, whispering in her ear……

C: I couldnae do that!

S: Covering her mouth with hot steamy kisses, taking her breath away, sliding your hands down her body……..

C: Stef!!

S: Guiding her firmly but gently to the floor, telling her that you want her. Now! …

C: Stef! Stef! Are you OK? You’ve gone all strange. Do you feel giddy?

S: What? Oh. Yes, I think I do. I might faint, Cameron, please - oh - I’m going to fall

C: Well, quickly, go near the settee then, so you don’t hurt yourself….

S: I can’t Cameron, I can’t make it, I’m going, catch me Cameron oooooooooh---THUMP!

Steph lies winded and motionless on the floor where she has fallen.

Opening one eye slowly she sees Cameron with his elephant mask in his hand, standing over her.

S: What? Why didn’t you catch me Cameron? Why are you holding that mask?

C: Well, what you were saying got me to thinking aboot Tapuwa. She wanted me to take hold of her like that.

S: Did she now? Well, did you?

C: No, of course not. It would nae have been right.

Stef, struggling to her feet alone as Cameron still stares at his mask……….

S: What makes you say that?

C: Well, I might have given her the idea that I would spend the night with her and I don’t think she wanted me just to sleep with her, d’ye ken?

S: I do ken Cameron. I ken very well. I’m seeing a new side to you now. You are a positive lothario.

C: Oh don’t say that Stef, I’m feeling embarrassed now. My mother would have been horr-i-fied if I’d done anything like that.

S: Well your mother doesn’t have to know everything you do. You don’t tell her everything do you?

C: Why ever not? I wouldnae do anything I couldnae share with my mother. That would be shocking.

S: Oh, Cameron!

C: It wouldnae be right.

S: Do you think you’ll ever have children Cameron?

C: I hope so

S: How do you think you’re going to get them then?

C: Well, with a wife of course.

S: Right, good, well I’m glad you know that much at least. I was getting worried. It's a start. But babies don't just come you know. You have to do something first...

C: D’ye mean the birds and the bees Stef?

S: Of course I do.

C: Well, I grew up in a farming community so I would know about that wouldn’t I?

S: Sorry Cameron, I didn’t think.

C: I’ve seen all the lambin’ and the calvin’. I know the storks don’t bring them.

S: They’d have to be big storks!

C: True. But I think it’s going to take a very special sort of woman

S: Of course. Someone who will look after you, cherish you and bring up the children

C: Yes. But the babies, it’s such a lot to ask of someone

S: Oh Cameron, don’t worry, if they love you, it will be an honour for them to bear your children…….

C: I know, but it’s the process, it’s so………

S: Wonderful! Really, it is! I can’t wait to have babies, I want loads.

C: Really Stef?

S: Really!

C: You wouldn’t mind going through all that?

S: Of course not. Some people would say they would enjoy the process Cameron. You might like it as well.

C: Oh, I couldnae’ look!

S: Why not? Birth is a beautiful thing.

C: Och aye, I’ve seen lot’s of calves and lambs being born

S: Well, what’s your problem then?

C; I mean the (whispers) ‘conception’

S: Well, call me stupid, but I would have thought that was one of the best parts about it!

C: Stef!!!

S: Well, it’s lovely

C: It is not!

S: It is, why not?

C: It’s so ……..well, ………intimate

S: Well, it has to be, that’s what makes it nice.

C: Well, I’d just as soon not look thank you very much

S: Well, I suppose you don’t HAVE to keep your eyes open, or you could do it in the dark.

C: Don’t be daft!

S: It’s not daft Cameron. If you’re bashful, why not?

C: Well, I’ve seen what the vet does, and I don’t want to put the syringe in the wrong place!!

[Boris]

A masterpiece !



well done Rob

[Maggie]

LOVE IT

[peachy]

ROB's back on form!!!!!!! A little gem. Such a great twist at the end. Well done, Rob.

[BusyBee]

ROB I should be telling you off for having a go at Cameron who I have a soft spot for, but it is all done in the best of taste.

BACK ON FORM.

How about what happened when Paul got home and found out that Helen had been drooling over Matt Goss on Loose Women.

[kaphc]

Wow! ROB is so nice to have your stories back again and this time with a twist!

When I first started reading this (before it was in ROB's world) I thought it was something real that you'd transcribed from the show, it's sooooo realistic!!

[rachb]

Thanks Rob always great to read your stories

[ribbonstring5145]

i did think it was a transcript until it got to the passionate bit (lol) and then i realised! lolll

[blinkinlovely]

ROB I've just found this and it's brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats and thanks!!

[blinkinlovely]

Phew smaller leters this time!!

Thought about this ROB wonder when I was watching one of the last Sunday programmes (taped them while I was on hols and now catching up..how sad).
Anyway ROB's scene could have followed the real moment when CAM and Steph emerged from thereward room (60's night). Steph jumped on his back for a piggybackride). Much giggling ensued before they sat on the sofas.
c: (singing) 5 foot 2 eyes of blue....
s: Oh Cameron! You could be dinging about me. I'm 5 foot 2 and my eyes are blue!
c: (look of shock on face) oh but I'm not....

classic

[BigSister]

Thats great ROB
I liked the part with the Bible lol