I know it's next to impossible for someone who has had no real dealings with this type of situation in their lives to understand where we are coming from on this topic, so I don't want to be at odds with anyone on the issue, it's good that it can be discussed and awareness raised.
I appreciate that much as Novo disagrees with me on this and thinks I am taking it too seriously (which I again don't want to criticise because I don't expect him to know how much the whole thing has affected my life, tbf) he did come into this thread and listened, which surprised me, and acknowledged that he didn't understand so fair play there.
In response to you Angus, I identify completely with what you say above, and your description of how it is to live with DV. Domestic Violence is to some extent a misnomer (misleadingly named) as it covers everything from verbal abuse, confidence destroying, mind games, and more.
I went through the entire range, stage by stage, from my early to my late twenties, and really feel I lost a huge part of my life (maybe why I still act like I'm in that age range sometimes, rather than 40 something, cough, ahem
)
Started out with the little criticisms and put downs. When we went round to his parents house he used to sit in the armchair and I had to sit on the floor, which is a big part of why the BB Footage triggered my reactions last night.
Moved on to isolating me slowly from my friends, and even trying to undermine my relationship with my family, they want you completely dependent on them and so you won't challenge what is happening. Very often alcoholism is a huge factor, was in my case, he had to drink all the time, and I lived on my nerves never knowing when he was going to flip.
5 years down the line and here are some examples of things he did.
Would make breakfast and I'd sit at the table, he would then throw mine on the floor, or put salt all over it to make it uneatable, and sit there eating his, smiling.
Once I came in from having spent an hour with a friend chatting over a coffee to find he had rigged up a noose in the living room and said he was going to kill himself because I made his life such a misery, and I would have to live with that.
Towards the end, before I found the strength to leave, he started to bring a knife to bed and would say, that's for if you get on my nerves.
When I was pregnant with my son Josh (I was now 27 years old) he smashed a glass and went for my face, fortunately I put my hands up in reflex, and he was drunk so missed but still cut my hand very badly, I had to have plastic surgery on my left hand, my third finger is scarred, I had to have skin grafted from the inside of my palm to cover the gash.
Those are a few of the lovely things he did, and as he said, it was all my fault for making his life hell, I pushed him to it
I've been open about the fact I have suffered DV on the forum, but never given any detailed descriptions, so it's a bit draining to do so here. I just want to try and put across how horrific it is, and it does in fact start with the type of behaviour currently happening in the house.
To reiterate, for the people who think Arron and Conor are just acting up, well yes they may well be. I am not and never was implying that they are, or are likely to become abusers, just that what is going on reminds me strongly of things and is uncomfortable to watch.
I do think their behaviour is abhorrent and they are not very nice people, but that is just my opinion and others feel differently, I accept that. It's very telling though, that the vast majority of people are indeed disgusted by said actions.
I'll leave it there.
06-07-2012, 01:09 PM
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