[Amy]

THE rather alarming news from Essex is that Jade Goodie of Big Brother fame is opening a beauty salon and intends to offer collagen injections and colonic irrigation. Now, in case you are unfamiliar with Jade, a large part of her notoriety has been built on her tendency to get things a wee bit mixed up. She was once heard to ask what a 'Sparagus' was and if they really spoke 'Portuganese' in Portugal because she thought it was in Spain.

Well, beware of using this women's beauty salon. God forbid she got mixed up between colonic irrigation and collagen injections. She could have you so bunged up you'd have to go to a quarry to get exploded. And with a colonic irrigation tube aimed at the wrong end, she could leave your face looking like a two-week-old soufflŽ.
article Daily Record