[Redway]

Don't mean to sound shallow or anything but would feelings of being very unattractive (on your or partner's side) be a slight barrier?

[Samm]

No, because you partner will love you if your in a relationship

[Ammi]

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...hmmm, that is possible..do you mean if someone has a very low self image..?..

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Redway

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

You mean Body Dysmorphic Disorder? I have that.

That's the one and

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Redway

Either. Two examples would be (on someone's side) feeling inadequate and 'not good enough' for a partner because of feeling unattractive and someone (partner's side) with genuine feelings of affection and love but is put off because of thinking the partner's unattractive.

A slightly more extreme case would be if one had BBD so an incredibly distorted view of how they look, so might especially feel they're not in the partner's league or something.

..ahh, ok..so you mean when you're first attracted to someone and that someone feels in some way not worthy of your affection, type thing..?...

...hmm, yeah, I think that could be a problem in that it would perhaps be very difficult to persuade them of the things that you liked about them/their good qualities or their physically attractive qualities..so that would maybe hinder the relationship from going forward because you would be stuck in that place of trying to persuade them of seeing in themselves what you see in them...I think for me, 'feeling lovely/beautiful' is knowing and believing that your partner believes you are, it's not so much that you are but that you see yourself through their eyes ...and it would be very frustrating to not be able to make someone feel that...lol, does that make any sense..?..

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Redway

That's the one and

thanks, I'm 4 months into Cognitive behavioural therapy. It's a bastard of a mental illness. Great thread redway.

[AnnieK]

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

[Chuck]

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

[x-evenstar-x]

Here's a quote from the NHS website:

'Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), or body dysmorphia, is an anxiety disorder that causes sufferers to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance and to have a distorted view of how they look.
For example, they may be convinced that a barely visible scar is a major flaw that everyone is staring at, or that their nose looks abnormal.
Having BDD does not mean the person is vain or self-obsessed.
When does low confidence turn into BDD?

Almost everyone feels unhappy about the way they look at some point in their life, but these thoughts usually come and go and can be forgotten.
However, for someone with BDD, the thought of a flaw is very distressing and does not go away.
The person believes they are ugly or defective and that others perceive them in this way, despite reassurances from others about their appearance.
BDD can lead to depression and even thoughts of suicide.'

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Chuck Norris

I've seen many cases where the guy wasn't as attractive as the girl and he knew it and he felt very lucky to have her as girlfriend so he just got very possessive and wouldn't let her go out with her mates and wear short skirts etc. All these relationships ended because of it or also because of it.

..yeah, I guess if you feel 'not worthy' of someone, it can cause a possessiveness as well, which obviously wouldn't be constructive to a 'two sided/equal' relationship...

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Angel~Annie

I am not really aware of BDD, what actually is it? You feel ugly and worthless or deeper than that? I hope I'm not being rude, I've just never really read much about it

It's when you actually see yourself as extremely ugly, hate looking at yourself and have a distorted image of yourself, to the point of not believing anyone who gives you a compliment etc, very deep seated in a persons psyche.

Similar to anorexics who truly see themselves as fat when they look in the mirror. False and negative self image.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Pretty much. In a nutshell it's an obsession over personal appearance or certain aspects of personal appearance that causes extreme distress and destroys your life. In a typical day I could be in front of a mirror for up to 4 hours and bear in mind I'm a male with no make-up regime.

Some people with BDD can see horrible images of themselves in the mirror that other people can't even see. It's like funhouse mirrors meets Groundhog Day meets the elephant man film.

are you serious? and im being serious!

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

are you serious? and im being serious!

Yeh.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Yeh.

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

I think our personality's come out in our posts and the more we post on different topics helps us build a profile of that person.

I looked at your pic in meet the members and then you posted something about girls and your self and the two did not match, that lead me to think you had a lack of confidence.

[x-evenstar-x]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

its funny I mentioned to kaz that you where a good looking bloke but did not seem to have a lot confidence.

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Thanks mate, how did you know I didn't have a lot of confidence? Can you tell by how a person posts?

If only you believed him!

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by x-evenstar-x

If only you believed him!

what?

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

I think our personality's come out in our posts and the more we post on different topics helps us build a profile of that person.

I looked at your pic in meet the members and then you posted something about girls and your self and the two did not match, that lead me to think you had a lack of confidence.

Ah yeh good spot mate.

[x-evenstar-x]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

what?

I wish he would believe that people think he is good looking.

[GypsyGoth]

Originally Posted by ChristMASS EFFECT

Ah yeh good spot mate.

The treatment you're having for it now, will you be kinda cured of it by the end, or will it be something you'll always struggle with?

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by GypsyGoth

The treatment you're having for it now, will you be kinda cured of it by the end, or will it be something you'll always struggle with?

They still don't know enough about BDD to find a way to 'cure' it. The best way at the moment is CBT and SSRI's to hopefully curb obsessive tendencies and negative self image. For a lot of people it can improve their lives. It will have some effect on me for the rest of my life. How much I don't know yet.

For anyone reading who thinks they have BDD (1-2% of the population according to some estimates) then it's definitely advisable to see your GP and get yourself in treatment cos it can get worse over time and it has one of the highest suicide rates going.