[Kristen]

I was smacked once by my mum when I was little and it made me feel really weak and embarassed so that's why I've made a vow to myself that if I have kids I will never smack them.

Should kids be allowed to be smacked? Is it good for them?

[Sophii3x]

Smacking is wrong. I was lucky, my parents never smacked me. No matter how naughty I was. I would never hit a child anyways.

[Lauren]

There's a difference between a full on smack, and a little slap to teach them right from wrong.
I see nothing wrong with parents instilling morals in them by giving them a little slap if they do something wrong. But when you see these mothers smacking their kids hard and screaming at the top of their voice it's obvious it's doing nothing and causing more harm than good.

[Sunny_01]

I personally never felt the need to "smack" my kids, I found other ways to deal with their behaviour if it was not acceptable. I just dont understand how violence can stop bad behaviour, it doesnt seem right to me. However I would certainly never assume that I could tell someone else how to bring up their kids or what they should and should not do.

[MarkWaldorf]

I do think it's wrong. I see women at the bus stop shouting curses at their kids and smacking them. If I was the child I would feel embarrassed. There are some real bad people out there who do much worse then smack though.

[Bells]

I've been smacked as a child, but I wouldn't say full-on making me bleed or whatever because that's just child abuse, but perhaps a light slap after doing something wrong. And that too within my own house instead of embarrassing me, although I was spoken to about my behaviour when necessary. I agree that violence doesn't stop bad behaviour at all and I disagree with that part of my upbringing, because whenever I was slapped lightly or whatever, I ended up resenting my parents more than respecting them. Some of their other parenting qualities I really do admire, but in terms of smacking I think I will adopt a similar approach when hopefully I do become a parent. I've vowed to restrain from ever slapping my children, and instead finding other ways around the discipline problem. I think a healthy relationship between the parents and the communication aspect within the family often helps the upbringing of the child and often reduces resorting to smacking a great deal.

[Lauren]

I think a light slap (Not enough to actually injure a child or anything, thats wrong) teaches the child that something is wrong through negative reinforcement. And I stress that I only mean a light slap when the child has done something severely wrong, not just a little thing.

[Sunny_01]

Like I say Lauren I think when it comes to parenting everyone has to make their own choices about smacking! I just found other ways to deal with things and think myself lucky I was able to. I was never smacked as a child either, my mum is really opposed to it and can be quite full in when talking about it.

I used naughty chair and removed their favourite things from their room to let them know I was unhappy with their behaviour. When they were very little I moved them from what ever it was they were doing wrong and said no very firmly, if they repeated it 3-4 times I placed them on the naughty chair.

In fact I have a naughty chair in TIBB dungeons

[Bells]

^^^ LOL Sunny.

Anyway I do feel the whole firmly saying 'no' and especially the naughty chair option is far better. My brother had that in nursery in fact, but instead it was a thinking mat (haha) that the kids were put on to 'think' about what they had done. Perhaps that route should have been adopted for me, because by contrast as a child I never experienced the naughty chair or anything of the sort. Partly because I wouldn't listen! Actually, come to think of it, a main problem for me was that I was spoilt a hell of a lot when I was little and obviously couldn't object to it or approve it, and then when it got to the stage that I started becoming a nightmare and kept expecting stuff and shouting and wouldn't listen, it got to the stage where I had to be slapped! That's why this time round with my brother the spoiling has toned down considerably, and I think that's a good thing.

[Romantic Old Bird]

Aah well, now we're on pretty shaky ground.

Perhaps I ned to state at the outset that I am a health visitor, and I have to deal with the extremes of physical, emotional, and other unspeakable forms of abuse in my daily work.

Even without that, I believe that 'smacking' is wrong. We give it a 'nice' title - 'smacking', but it really means hitting. It may not be hard, or meant to inflict real damage - in your mind - but if you did it to another adult, it would be assault, and they would be entitiled and perhaps expected to defend themselves or retaliate.

We don't expect children to do that. We expect them to cry, and say sorry, and remember that they are little and helpless and we, the person they love, are in control. If we ARE in control. It goes very wrong when that person is out of control, drunk or has a limited means of expressing themselves in any other way.

Almost every violent parent or carer I have met has been a victim themselves initially.

I feel that hitting a child is an admission of failure on the part of the parent. It means that they have probably not shown consistent boundaries or security to the child. It means that they have lost control of a situation.

There is NEVER a place for physical or verbal abuse of an innocent and far weaker child, who is just testing the emotional water around them.

can you remember ever being punished for something you didn't do, or for something you didn't realise was wrong? I can. I felt upset, confused , and ultimately angry. Had it been sustained, I too would have learnt to repond with violence to stressful situations.

I know some will argue that there are degrees of chastisement. It's a dangerous game. How about the immature parent who then thinks it's appropriate to 'smack' a baby for crying? Or worse still, kick or punch them.

I cared for a 2 year old child with 130 bruises last week.

What's the betting that his parents think a 'smack' is harmless too?

[Sunny_01]

ROB my Mum could have made your post lol, she is also a Health Visitor and the reasons you give so passionatley are exactly what she says to anyone who brings up the discussion.

Like I say I have always found other ways to let my children know I dont like their behaviour. Had I ever lashed out I would certainly have felt like a failure as a parent

[Princess]

I have never been smacked,even lightly slapped at all. I think it is just cruel to everr do that to a child.

[Lauren]

Originally posted by Romantic Old Bird
We expect them to cry, and say sorry, and remember that they are little and helpless and we, the person they love, are in control.

Control is exerted in all areas of parenting.

Originally posted by Romantic Old Bird
I feel that hitting a child is an admission of failure on the part of the parent.

You're consistently assuming that "hitting" the child is hard, and saying "smacking" is an easier word for it. And what if it is actually a gentle slap? Like when a child goes to grab something and the mother slaps the child's hand down?

Originally posted by Romantic Old Bird
I cared for a 2 year old child with 130 bruises last week.

What's the betting that his parents think a 'smack' is harmless too?

Again, you make it sound like all parents that "smack/hit" their child inflict pain on them.

[lily.]

I agree 100% with Sunny.

Firstly I have never smacked my children. I find other ways to punish them, and they are by no means out of control or ready for supernanny.

Secondly, I don't ever criticise anyone else's parenting methods (unless it's extreme of course).

Thirdly, I was smacked as a child.. although not very often, and certainly not very hard. It was just the way things were done when I was little I suppose.

And, finally, I don't know many people here in real life who share my parenting style. It seems that 99% of parents I know (and I know a lot of parents) do smack.. even if it is just a light tap as Lauren has suggested.

So, it's probably a good thing that I don't preach about my way being the best way or the only way, as I wouldn't be very popular amongst the other parents if I did.

I just do my own thing and raise my kids the way I think is right. Some others have frowned upon my "not smacking" methods and implied that they will be running riot because of it. I beg to differ. There are still rules and discipline in my house and they can be enforced in other ways.

My husband and I discussed how we would raise the kids and agreed on this at the very beginning. As long as we both stick together on rules and discipline then the kids know the limits.

[Dr43%er]

I was never smacked as a child. But the threat of being smacked was there.

"Do what you have been told"

"No"

"1.......... 2..........."

They never got to three. Of course this opens the old "the threat of violence is just as bad" debate.

A question for people who do smack. At what age will you stop? when they are big enough to smack you back? I am not having a pop at anyone's style of parenting by the way.

[Mrluvaluva]

I was smacked as a child and it hasn't done me any harm.

My Dad used to take off his belt, and threaten me with it (never actually used it though), and the threat was enough to grt me to say sorry, or do what I had not done.

I was also caned at school several times. It was supposed to be a deterrent, but it obviously wasn't. lol

Anyway, I think it should be up to the parent to decide on whether a bit of a slap is deemed to be necessary or not (my sisters used to get smacked on the back of their legs - ouch!). When you see parents slapping their kids with a lot of force, and making them scream, is when it gets out of order in my opinion.