[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by waterhog

Michael's comment about Gemma ? is he a berk or is the only way south ? 20.11.14

if you have any comment to make - i would be grateful if it could rhyme.)

Great thoughts again WaterHog
All put down in rhyme.
You manage to do it time after time.

You wanted rhyming replies
(why on Earth I don’t know)
But ‘cos I like you, I’ve give it a go:

THE BALLAD OF GEMMA COLLINS (Or Why There's Still No Cure For Moby Dick)

Gemma fell asleep on the beach at Southend
A nice man woke her up with a grin
Excuse me he said, his face turning red,
Can yer move so the tide can come in?

“Do You Know Who I am?” She angrily declared.
"People like you make me sick.
I’m not fecking daft, so don’t you dare laugh,
I’m the pig who built my house of brick".

"Oh Dear, I apologise" said the nice man
I didn’t mean to say you were thick
"And I could see you were big, but didn’t think you a pig
More a beached whale called Moby Dick".

“I’m famous” she said as she got to her feet
“And I’ve been on the telly real proper”
He said “By flipping heck! You were with Ant and Dec,
The only time yer wouldn’t ride a big chopper”

“Yeah, I was” she agreed “But that show’s bugger all”
It’s on TOWIE where I’m a big star.”
He stifled a snigger and said “They don’t come much bigger”
“But a ‘Star' dear, is going too far “.

“Anyway love” the nice man said, “Tide’s coming in,
And I thought it best you be knowing “
“Yer can stay here and drown, or to be safe and sound
Take my arm and let’s both be going”.

Well, Gemma refused and lay back down on the sand
Beached whale style like Moby Dick or Orca,
And sadly she floated, all swollen and bloated
And is now an island off the coast of Majorca!

Boom! Boom!

All The Best WaterHog - Keep writing.