[Princess Pink Pants]

In the Sunday Magazine free with News Of The World, Mel from BB1 has given her tips for surviving in Big Brother -

DO -

1. Wee in the shower every morning because none of the other contestants will know and it provides good comedy value for the viewers. Nick employed this tactic.

2. Flirt with every human being in the house (even if you don't count them as being human) because its great being the most hated woman in the country. If flirting can make you so despised, imagine what you could become if you go further, You could take over the world. And dont snog less than 3 people - it wouldnt be fair on the 1s you left out.

3. Have a sex change before you go in 2 the house - it made for a great topic of conversation on Big Brother in Holland, especially as she/he had already made love to a housemate. In fact any plastic surgery goes down well - we were fascinated with Claires implants.

4. Sacrifice the rooster in the first week. Otherwise he'll wake you up at 5am every morning gettting his rocks off with his harem.

5. Take plenty of laxatives or you wont be able to have a number 2 in from of the camaras. Alternatively, smoke a cigarette to loosen your bowels like darren did. Laxatives are also useful for practical jokes - theres only 1 toilet and no lock.

6. Make sure any pet they allow you is " inadvertently" poisoned. This will enrage animal rights people and might even start some riot, allowing you to escape.



DONT -

1. Mother or father anyone, just be the mischievous child with lots of practical jokes. If you do, you might even win!

2. Miss the chance to get involved in a good argument. The tension might be unbearable in the house but the viewers will love it.

3. Feed the chickens your leftovers because they'll get the runs and you'll have to clean it up. You'll also have to catch them to administer the medicine the vet prescribes. This will seem an easy task until you get to the rooster. At this point chickens become quite frightening.

4.Take a guitar into the house - people will think you are trying to get a record deal. A set of bagpipes would be better. That way you could join the rooster in his 5am wake-up call.

5. Pluck you bikini line in the garden like I did. Take a waxing kit and go for a full Brazilain (no hair). remember to keep the used strips for practical jokes.

6. Lose you sense of humour or take yourself too seriously.

[Kaz]

Thanks, Princess.

I'm glad to see Mel can still have a laugh about her BB experience - she got a pretty rough ride from the press and public after BB1.

Naz would have done well to take her advice about the laxatives - it would have spared us all the updates on how long it took her to 'go'!

And I'm glad that Dean did take his guitar into the BB2 house - the night after the dates just wouldn't have been the same without it.

[chilledbootz]

I seem to be having a real moan tonight, but that Mel really gets on my pip!!!. She's very condescending about the BB2 contestants and the whole BB experience. The way she came out of the house saying she'd been portrayed wrongly......oh yeah love get over it. You were all over Andy and Tom like a rash, so not only are you a hypocrite you've got reaaaaaallllllllly bad taste in men. OK RANT OVER