[kirklancaster]

I was outside The Peacock in Old Canning Town
When a familiar deep voice came booming down.
"Hi Kirk" it said "Long time no see"
And Frank Bruno himself grinned down at me.

Over a couple of drinks (all which Frank bought)
The subject of Kellie had Frank deep in thought.
"It could all turn sad Kirk, Know what I mean?"
When the ex-King of Boxing is now its 'Queen'

I agreed her return might see tears start to spring
'Cos all girls go soppy when they see a huge ring.
And just needing the loo is enough to confuse
for 'Ladies' or 'Gents' which one will she use?

And boxing gloves on heavy bags will never,
be the same as marigolds on chamois leather.
No it might be hard for Kellie being in the gym
Coming back as a 'Her' when she left as a 'Him'.

And what about the guys all working out?
They'll be confused and all have doubt.
For guys whose job is inflicting harm
Having to address a Mr now as 'Maa'am'.

Can tough boxers ever really, get along
with a guy dressed in Libélula and Louis Vuitton?
"That's life" said Frank with his trademark laugh
"Time's are hard and you can't get the staff"

"But a man as a woman can still pull through
and do what a man as a man used to do"
As long as she don't teach brotherly love
and how to slap with the inside of the glove

Kellie's return to boxing can still be sweet
If she remembers an uppercut ain't no joint of meat
And certain boxing terms need re-stressing:
'feint' ain't swoon and 'cross' don't mean dressing.

I gave Frank the last word about Ms Kellie Malone
And whether she'll re-make boxing her home?
"She'll be all right. She should soon be thriving"
"As long as she keeps 'Ducking and Diving'

So the message seems clear Kellie to avoid any pitfalls
All a woman needs in a Man's World, is a BIG pair of BALLS