[kirklancaster]

For My Mate Hog:

I'm not saying if I've done this, Hog,
But know a man or two who has.
One diddled his electricity meter
And bragged he was 'Cooking With Gas.

Another was a poor disabled guy
Who was born with an extra leg
And there's no need to tell you Hog,
He was nicknamed 'Jake The Peg'

He wasn't really such a bad guy
'Til he got hammered on the booze,
Then he'd head straight into town
And nick one and half pair of shoes.

But one day he got caught Hog
And asked the cops his fate
“You're bang to rights” the copper said
“You ain't got a leg to stand on mate”.

Then there was another guy I knew
I think he was a bit slack
'Cos his idea of diddling British Rail
Was buying a Return and not coming back.