[Calderyon]

She won 4 HOH´s and 5 vetos.

I think Her, Dan, Derrick and Drew were in an alliance together. Drew was in 3 alliances simultaneously.

[Jason.]

Originally Posted by Calderyon

Drew was in 3 alliances simultaneously.

Me in Revolution

[MB.]

In, er, I guess celebration of Survivor returning next week, I'm going to do a simulator with a cast that I've completely made up, in the vein of some of the excellent fake CBB simulators we've seen recently - except you can't add custom events on Survivor, so I'll just write those in afterwards. Which I'm sure will be heaps of fun. So if anyone's got any suggestions for themes/potential tribe divisions, by which I just mean anything better than "Heroes vs. Healers vs. Hustlers", then that'll be much appreciated (I've got a cast of 16, so I'm looking for two tribes if possible, ta)

[Shaun]

Two? *scribbles out my 'fats, femmes and asians' idea*

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Shaun

Two? *scribbles out my 'fats, femmes and asians' idea*

Or perhaps the inevitable conflict of our time, "fats, femmes and Asians vs. Grindr man*****s"

(looking at the cast, I can't actually see a particularly funny/obvious divide anywhere, so if not then I'll just let you guys name the tribes. Which is just as creative, I'm sure)

[MB.]

Introducing the men of BrantSteele Does Survivor: I Haven't Come Up With A Name Yet...

• Justin Holman, 29, from Huntsville, Alabama
  Justin considers himself a “traditional Southern country boy, through and through”, by which he means that his family once owned slaves but are now completely broke. He somehow attributes this to Obamacare. A cattle rancher by trade, Justin is taking a pepper spray gun to the island as his luxury item, which he says he will use if any homosexuals try to touch him during the night.

• Steadman Riley, 48, from Rochester, New York
  Steadman has worked as an elementary school principal for the past fifteen years. He says that the key factor in deciding to apply for Survivor was when a co-worker mistakenly bought him a fiftieth birthday card for what was in fact his forty-seventh birthday last year, prompting a sudden realisation of his own mortality and subsequent midlife crisis. “It was either this or assisted suicide,” he smiles.

• Christopher "Chris" Ortiz, 25, from Farmington, New Mexico
  Chris decided from a young age not to follow his father into the family business (hardcore fetish pornography). Instead, with hard work he became an attorney, specialising in family law. With the million dollars, he hopes to buy an engagement ring to his childhood sweetheart girlfriend Stephanie, and give enough money to his father that he’ll never have to make yet another “My Saucy Deafblind Stepdaughter” sequel ever again.

• Aubin Simpson, 37, from Birmingham, Alabama
  Aubin is also a lawyer, suggesting that the United States has an incredibly short list of careers for graduates to select from. However, this one is a useful lawyer, in that he works in the field of civil rights. “Birmingham is pretty much the birthplace of the Civil Rights Movement,” the father-of-two says proudly of his hometown. “Without civil rights, we may never have seen the ‘right in front of my salad’ meme.”

• Kenton Harmon, 26, from St. Louis, Missouri
  Kenton’s biggest secret is that he has an extremely rare condition: he was born without a personality. “It’s really hard,” says the soccer coach and part-time DJ. “All I do in my spare time, by which I mean when I’m not in the gym, is listen to The Chainsmokers and drink Bud Light. I haven’t been able to tell a joke since 1998. Also, I’m available for bar mitzvahs if anyone’s looking for someone to do the music. Seriously. I need the cash. Please help me.”

• Callum Schultz, 23, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
  Callum is often perceived to be a typical nerd, but this is far from the truth – as he points out, he is in fact thick as shit. “It sucks”, says the grocery store worker and keen gamer, who lives above his parents’ garage. “I have early onset presbyopia and not a single law degree to show for it.” He says that he once had a real girlfriend, but this relationship came to an end when she realised he had used Nyle DiMarco’s photo in his Tinder profile.

• Jordan Murray, 28, from New York, New York
  Jordan has been on the Broadway stage since the age of nine, when he would regularly run on to feed Marlon Brando hamburgers during the star’s poorly-received one-man show “Pies and Dolls: How I Gorged My Way to the Top”. Jordan now plays the role of Old-Fashioned American Dude #4 in Hamilton, although he’s being replaced by Mandy Patinkin. He says that he is competing in Survivor on behalf of his boyfriend and his pet hyacinth macaw, a.k.a. “the worst animal you can possibly keep in a Manhattan apartment” and also his pet macaw.

• Kyle Noel, 32, from Plano, Texas
  Kyle says that he would normally describe himself as a good Southern country boy, except that Justin’s already filled that slot. Instead, he says he’ll settle for the “former-college-football-player-turned-successful-real-estate-agent-who-pretends-that-he’s-blue-collar-because-he-owns-a-tractor” slot. If he wins Survivor, he’ll buy another Mercedes and pay for his wife’s latest breast enlargement surgery, and also maybe a shovel. Because he’s ever so blue collar, you know.

[MB.]

Introducing the women of BrantSteele Does Survivor: I Still Haven't Come Up With A Name...

• Kristin Larsen, 22, from Schenectady, New York
  Kristin is a graduate in drama and dance, and currently works as a barista at Dunkin’ Donuts. She dreams of becoming a big-name comedy writer and hopes that all the spare time on the island will help her come up with ideas for a hit TV show. When she isn’t being hilarious or mopping up puddles of weak coffee, she spends her time watching Survivor – in fact, she has seen every episode “except Leif’s boot in One World, because that aired on the night that I lost my virginity. Fun fact, there.”
  

• Edwina McNeil, 60, from Lincoln, Nebraska
  Edwina is currently the CEO of a large-scale pet food company in Nebraska, but in a few years’ time plans to retire to Canada, where all three of her daughters now live. When she is not busy being the boss, she enjoys salsa dancing, writing erotic novellas and singing along to melodic death metal with her husband Bjorn. Although she is the eldest member of this year’s cast, she hopes that nobody will realise this due to the excessive amounts of Botox in her face.

• Theresa Hardin, 47, from Jersey City, New Jersey
  Theresa Hardin (née Giordano, previously Anderson and Gibson) comes from a long line of mobsters. However, she decided to take a different direction in life and now owns three salons and a casino in the Hudson County area, all of which operate legally. She has divorced all three of her ex-husbands, two of which are in prison and one of which is now a hand model named Leanne. These days, she makes her way through a rotation of four different toyboys, and hopes that winning the million dollars will increase that list to at least seven (“one for each day of the week. You know, like socks”).

• Hallie Franco, 24, from Madison, Wisconsin
  Hallie describes herself as a typical “girly girl” with a fondness for pink – a theme which runs from her interior décor to the colour of her beloved rabbit vibrator. For the most part, she runs a make-up and beauty vlog from her bedroom, although she also uses YouTube to review scented gel pens. Upon being asked to name a favourite scent, she breaks out in tears, although she does point out that it was with her peach-scented pen that she voted for Trump. With the million dollars, she hopes to make her childhood dream of starting a singing career come true, thus ending the stereotype that people who are deaf in one ear and have no discernible singing talent can’t make be successful in the music industry.

• Alicia McCormick, 27, from Boston, Massachusetts
  Alicia is from a large family of three sisters, four brothers and a six foot tall Great Dane. She works as a peace officer, which is apparently what Americans call a law enforcement officer, and is employed specifically within the drug enforcement sector. When she started the position, she was the youngest in her division, and one of only five women (none of whom, she points out, were as hot as her). She plans to use her brains, brawn, beauty and several grams of speed that she once confiscated to win the game of Survivor.

• Josie Jackson, 31, from Spokane, Washington
  Josie still considers herself a small town girl, having grown up on a dairy farm in North East Washington, even though she now works as a special education teacher in the big(-ish) city. Her constantly upbeat personality may make you forget that her husband Brad died in a whitewater rafting accident on their honeymoon, something which she only divulges when absolutely necessary in terms of her personal growth arc on a reality television competition show. She would like to win Survivor for “the children, because to quote Whitney Houston, they are the future.”

• Rachelle Roth, 49, from Oakland, California
  Rachelle is a self-appointed “fashion mogul”, having been the editor of three different fashion magazines over her illustrious career. She even claims to have had a character in Ugly Betty based on her, although she can’t remember which one. At the peak of her career, she used to fly from her California home to New York eight times a week, which she says will prepare her for the mental and physical strain of Survivor. “I mean, this one time they forced me to sit next to a child. If I can survive that, I can survive anything.”

• Takondwa Roberson, 55, from Jacksonville, Florida
  Takondwa, who proudly tells us that her name means “we are glad” in Chewa despite the fact that she has never travelled outside of Duval County, is the single mother of five children – the oldest of whom is 36 and has children of his own. She has worked countless jobs over the course of her life, including cook, janitor, housekeeper, cab driver, fake mourner, amateur boxer, dog food tester, drive-thru operator, snake milker and nursing aide. She is now retired and spends her days looking after her ten grandchildren, although she now finds them so annoying that applying for Survivor was her only way of getting away from them.

[MB.]

oh and I'll probably actually simulate this tomorrow, but if there's any slight bit of interest then I'll kind of open it up as an interactive thingamabob, by which I mean anyone can suggest fun™ events to take place etc

And if not then I'll scrap the whole thing and make Edwina the winner

[Ross.]

Spoiler: Takondwa wins

[Nick.]

Perched for the Kristin & Jordan alliance

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Ross.

Spoiler: Takondwa wins

Kween of milking snakes!

Originally Posted by Nick.

Perched for the Kristin & Jordan alliance

The theatre is a cutthroat business, I'll have you know. They'll probably end up stabbing each other on day two over the same role in Hello Dolly.

[Shaun]

I ****ing hate Josie already

[MB.]

That's the spirit

[MB.]

Breaking: season logo revealed, featuring the brand new Survivor host

Spoiler:

[Morgan.]

Judge Judy?

[MB.]

I'll simulate this later tonight, then post the results as a fun [citation needed] story. It'll probably clog up this thread and be of no interest to people who don't care for Survivor so it might be better if I make my own thread in the Survivor sub-forum? idk. If anyone's got any other strong opinions/hot takes on these made-up people that I can use to influence the results, or any other suggestions for stuff to happen, then that'd be lovely. Also it'd be nice if someone suggested tribe names (two original tribes and a merge tribe) and a merge tribe colour that isn't blue or yellow. Ta.

Originally Posted by Blurryface

Judge Judy?

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining! (yes)

[RileyH]

Here for it

[MB.]

Yeah I'll make a new thread so that other people can post their BB simulators in peace in here. And if nobody ends up suggesting anything they'd like to see (tribe names, events, the colour of Judge Judy's hat, etc) then I'll make them up myself. But where's the fun in that?

[Amy Jade]

Edwina to win

[MB.]

I'll be running this later tonight, so you've got until whenever I decide you've got until to input anything you'd like to input. I'm using the opinions ("player A to win", "player B to die a slow coconut-related death", etc) that I've got from you guys so far to influence - as best as I can - how well the players will do, so anything's appreciated (I promise I'm not just being lazy, I thought I'd try and attempt something mildly interactive)

[MB.]

And yes I'm dragging this whole thing out much more than necessary, why do you ask

[andybigbro]

The link in the OP doesn't work for me

[MB.]

Episode one is being posted here

[MB.]

Originally Posted by andybigbro

The link in the OP doesn't work for me

Just use the main site (brantsteele.com)

[Morgan.]

So is brantsteele, like, dead now? We still haven't had CBB20 cast photos, the BB19 simulator was expected after a couple of days but it's been a couple of months ... Their twitter was last active in October ....