[King Gizzard]

How vicious

[Novo]

Where are the rest of my brotherhood knights

[Shaun]

lmfao <3
i better survive a bit.

[Z]

Chapter Two

Jen spent a long time staring at the trees swaying gently above her. Time didn’t pass while she lay there, she wasn’t living, she wasn’t dying, she was just part of the ground, or so it seemed to her. She had, in reality, been mildly concussed by her fall from the treehouse, and didn’t have the strength to move, however, I quite enjoy writing about Jen being a complete and utter raging hippy that’s at one with the earth, so... Jen was a seedling of a flower, opening up to the world (HA) and going into bloom. She was a blade of grass, taller than all the other blades of grass (insert pube joke), and she was proud (ew, go shave).

It was in this state that James found her, just as he left her. He had run away from Shaun, fearing that he would try to kill James once he’d finished reading the letter, as Shaun would undoubtedly realise that James had been trying to kill him earlier with the Molotov cocktails, (actually, why haven’t I commented on ‘cocktail’ yet, that one was a sitter) and James didn’t want to stick around to fight that particular battle. Jen was in a bad way. She was delirious, her eyes were wide open but she wasn’t moving (story of your life James, yeah?) and he felt guilty, because it was his fault. He knew that he was meant to kill everyone he saw, but he found that he didn’t have it in him. He could have killed Shaun instead of explaining things to him, he could kill Jen right now, but he had too much of a heart to even consider it more than in passing. He realised that in order to win this game, he would have to rely on the others murdering each other, he maybe wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

James carried Jen into a cluster of trees, slapping her across the face gently to wake her up. She eventually responded to his mild spanking and they had wild sex. No I’m kidding, Jen didn’t respond to anything James tried – far more likely HA. Jen was the wind, rustling and whistling, Jen is probably on weed by the way I’m describing her thoughts... Jen felt as light as a feather, and James felt completely empty. She wasn’t going to recover from the fall, she wasn’t responding to anything he tried. He didn’t have it in him to kill her out of mercy. He couldn’t leave her again, either. He had to do something though, but what? And then all of a sudden, Jen was a zombie. OMFG.


No but seriously, James kinda did nothing for another half hour, Jen eventually started being normal and eventually he helped her up, and suddenly my mood setting of ‘Jen is dying’ is completely ruined and she’s actually fine.

Jen hugged James tight for being with her, and for trying to help her, even though it was his fault in the first place. They smiled at each other, in disbelief that they had actually met in person, and in such extraordinary circumstances.

“So, you were saying earlier that you’d seen weird things, what were they?” James finally broke the silence.

“Well, I saw Dezzy in a tree earlier, he had a chainsaw on him, but IDK why. ILY James.”

“Jen, I know you use a lot of abbreviations and such, but this is the real world, you can’t actually do that.”

“James,” Jen raised an eyebrow at him. “This is a story invented by Greg, of course I can say IDK and ILY. I can also make fun of Stephen Gately’s death, because it’s just a story, but I won’t because the real Jen probably wouldn’t make fun of Stephen Gately’s death.”

“ROFL.” James responded.

“I also saw Andy tying up Lauren, those Brotherhood folks sure are weird, aren’t they?” Jen asked James.

“When did you become American? Greg, what have you done to Jen? Let’s go find them.” James resolved.

“Um, why?”

“Uh, no reason. To save Lauren. That’s all. Nothing horrid or kinky.”

“...Alright.” Jen looked mildly uncomfortable, and kept a distance of 2 feet away from James as they walked towards where she had last seen Lauren and Andy.


“I can’t believe I’m being held at McFly-point.” Darenn moaned. “It’s humiliating.”

“You know what Darenn, shut up, I made you a new avatar set last week, so you can stop your complaining and just deal with it, okay?” Nicky rolled her eyes.

“That’s a keeper.” Doug pointed at the digital display on Christina’s camera – the two had taken to taking ridiculously poser pictures together, and weren’t taking the hostage malarkey seriously, much to Sam!’s annoyance.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just let me kill them, it’s not fair.” Andy tried to reason with Sam, who was shaking his head.

“You don’t understand, I’m the butt of so many cam***** jokes on TiBB, Mark makes so many of them, I have to kill him. CHRISTINA WILL YOU STOP TAKING PICTURES AND START TAKING NAMES AND KICKING ASS, PLEASE.”

Christina ignored Sam, he's not threatening in the slightest.

“I don’t make jokes about you!” Mark insisted. “Seriously, I don’t, I think you should let me go and we should both kill Andy.”

“No, Waldorf, that’s not how this works.” Andy waved his spear threateningly. “I’m going to be a moderator, just like Ben, you can’t be a moderator, you’d sticky the Britney thread and delete the Brotherhood!”

“Well you’d delete the Britney thread and sticky the Brotherhood thread, I can’t let that happen!” Mark tossed his hair dramatically, forgetting that he is in fact a teenage boy, and not Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Leighton Meester or ANY OTHER POP CULTURE CELEBRITY.

“Boys, boys, calm down.” Christina intervened.

“Yeh, listen to Gongeth lool.” Sam spoke in a language that nobody else understood.

“I think the only way we can settle this fairly is if we all walk away from this situation and if we meet again by chance, we just kill each other on sight. Trying to decide who’s going to kill who just now won’t achieve anything. Besides, I-” Christina suddenly stared at something behind everyone else; causing everyone to turn around.


An ethereal, almost ghost like vision of 30stone was walking towards the group.

“Ben!” Andy and Christina shouted in delight.

“A moderator...” Everyone else but Lauren gasped in awe.

“A ghost?!” Lauren was the only one to even question the absurdity of this storyline.


Dezzy, from his position in the trees above, had the coolest power of them all. He had a hologram machine. He’d spent hours on photoshop, designing 30stone, and then loading him onto the hologram projector – he’d had to climb up a tree, or he’d never have had the peace. Now he had a distraction. He had scampered down from the tree, and had now reached the fringes of the group. He grabbed Nicky, and broke her neck, which was really sad because Dean will probably go to jail for killing Nicky; and it’ll make headline news and Trevor MacDonald will do a special report on it, it’ll be really emotional and Nicky’s family will make appeals to the public and stuff.

The squabbling group heard Nicky’s dying shriek of ‘tell Harry I love him!’ but not because they cared for her death, but because they thought she meant TiBB Harry.

“Nicky, that’s disgusting!” came the chorus of voices.

“Oh, she’s dead. Hey, is that Dezzy?” Darenn asked.

“Yes Darenn, it is I, Dezzy, I too am a part of this game. That is not the real 30stone, it was merely a hologram I used to trick you all so I could kill Nicky!”

“But why Nicky?!” Doug looked sad. “She was such a nice girl!”

“Yes, but Doug,” Dean spoke wisely. “Greg doesn’t know Nicky particularly well enough to be able to take the piss out of her in a funny way, so beyond jokes about McFly he had nothing else to joke about, it was her time to die.”

“Ohhhh.” Everyone, including Nicky who reanimated briefly for the sake of acknowledgement, sighed in realisation.

“Well, as I was saying, I think we should all go our separate ways. Dean, you go North. Doug, you go North West. Sam, you go West. Call me! Anyone gonna get that one? No? Anyway. Lauren, you go South West. Andy, go down South on m- wait no, go South. Mark, you go South East Asia, you superstar you. Darenn, you go East, and I’ll go North East.”

“Okay, cool, sounds like a plan. Anyone know which way is South?” Andy asked.

“Uhh... I have no idea, actually.” Christina admitted.

“Dunnoo lool.” Sam chipped in.

“Well, what do we do?” Dean asked.

Everyone instantly turned to Lauren.

“Laaaaaaureeeeeen do you know?” They asked the human encyclopedia of knowledge and advice.

“Well, as it happens, I do kn-” Lauren began.

“Oh shock.” Mark said sarcastically, but he too listened as Lauren pointed them all in the right direction, and the eight of them parted ways, not realising that if they all continued to travel in the stated direction, they wouldn’t actually meet up again, and at some point they’ll have to stop travelling that way if they are to have any kind of fight. UNLESS, that is, I have some clever (or more likely, completely random) plot twist that draws them all together... Lauren will probably challenge the logic of it. Clever bitch. I hate her, she knows everything.

End of Chapter Two.

[Z]

That's me done for tonight folks, I'll write more tomorrow, hope you're enjoying it so far, and absolutely no offence is intended, it's all meant in good fun, and I hope it's making you laugh .

[LemonJam]

I rofled so much <3

Luvvit.

[Ninastar]

Pmsl! Its amazing! cant wait for tommorow

[Jen]

I adore this.
Cheers Greg <3

(:

[Shaun]

WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN INVOLVED SINCE THE FIRST?
i've killed myself with a hand grenade haven't I?

[30stone]

Whoo i made a guest appearance (=

[Ross]

I love it!

[Z]

Well, it'd be a bit forced if I made everyone appear in each chapter at the moment, seeing as there are still 14 people left, but no worries Shaun, the people who didn't feature in Chapter 2 will feature strongly in Chapter 3!

[Z]

I've started writing chapter 3 guys; but I've had lots of work to do today and I'm away to go over to a party at other halls - but I will post more tomorrow!!

[Iceman]

Just read it all there, its quality....had me in stitches

[Tom4784]

I LAVVED IT! The Twilight and Ross part had me in stitches and I kick so much ass. I love the bracket jokes.

[MarkWaldorf]

mark waldorf is copyrighted, greg. using my name uninformed is an arrestable offence!

[Shaun]

So the death toll atm stands at Nicky. and Firewire [RIP.]
BETS ON THE NEXT?

[MarkWaldorf]

twilight was spotted filming scenes on a bridge I'M SCARED

[Sam!]

Wow, it's good Greg, and I'm in it, wahey.

[Braden]

sounds amazingly interesting

[Z]

Chapter 3

Dean clambered back up the tree and collected his hologram machine. He started to climb back down, to head North, but once he was back down on the ground, he realised that MarkWaldorf hadn’t left the clearing like everyone else had.

“Hi? Can I help you?” Dean asked, gripping his (lol) hologram machine tightly.

“Hi, you know, I was just wondering where you got that hologram machine?”

“Oh it was my mom’s in the sixties.”

“Vintage, I love it!”

“Thanks!” Dean smiled appreciatively at Mark, and then began to walk away. Mark produced what looked like a gun and aimed it at Dean’s back. He fired it, and shards of glass exploded out of the barrel, and many of these shards became embedded in Dean’s back. Dean fell to the ground, crying out in pain, and MarkWaldorf walked towards him triumphantly.

“I always wanted one of these,” Mark said as he walked towards Dean, talking about the hologram machine. “They’re so fetch.”

Mark felt cool and calm as he walked towards Dean, who was mumbling in pain, and as he walked around Dean to prise the hologram machine from his fingers, Dean rolled over and smacked Mark across the face with the heavy machinery. Mark hit the ground instantly, bleeding profusely.

“Mother****er!” Mark shouted angrily, his nose bleeding heavily.

“Yeah my weapon can multitask, what can yours do?” Dean made a compulsory penis joke.

Mark angrily fired his glass gun at Dean, causing shards of glass to hideously disfigure Dean’s face; which in turn absolutely scared the **** out of Mark ‘cause, you know, ugly people are gross. Dean responded by crashing his hologram machine down on top of Mark, crushing his arm, and Mark fired the gun again, the force of the short range shot causing Dean to fly back and hit the ground – the glass that had been in his back now forced further into his body. Dean could not even scream in pain, and he knew he was dying, but he couldn’t let MarkWaldorf of all people have a hologram machine, who knew what kind of untold horrors would occur if Mark had one? I don’t know, actually, Mark what would you do if you had a hologram machine? Hm, might start a thread on that... Uh, yeah. Dean forcibly pushed himself up onto his feet, and Mark looked appalled that he was still fighting. Dean kicked the glass gun out of Mark’s hand, caught it in mid air, spun around and shot his hologram machine with the glass gun. The hologram machine exploded theatrically, and a huge fireball erupted into the sky just because if this ever gets turned into a film it would have to have one. Dean continued to pirouette and turned back around to fire the gun at MW, but MW had started charging towards Dean (all of this is in slo-mo, obv) and slammed into Dean before he could get off (HAHA) a shot. Dean hit the ground, the glass driving into him further and instantly killing him. MarkWaldorf started taking protein shakes and drinking beer COZ HE IZ A MANLY MAN no but yeah but no. Mark rolled off Dean (I am a terrible person, Dean’s dead and I still made a sex joke...) and picked himself up off the floor. He’d just made his first kill.

Caitlin had been blessed with a sniper rifle. Admittedly the bullets she had for it were only rubber, and were not nearly as likely to kill someone as a real bullet, but if she scored a hit, it would be critical. She had been confused at first by the entire situation, mostly because she had been sitting on TiBB until about 4am the night before, and had reached that stage where your body’s gone to sleep but your eyes are still open – you all know what I’m talking about, you know, the feeling that you don’t actually have a life to live anymore, your entire purpose is to just sit and talk in The Den or The Brotherhood or The Lounge until your face falls off and Japan becomes an acceptable name for a cat... Sorry, I got carried away there. Cleft. Anyway, Caitlin had been on TiBB until the early hours, and then all of a sudden she woke up on this strange island, sniper rifle in tow. She had found the picture and had felt physically sick at the thought of killing people, but then she realised that she was, for all intents and purposes, defending herself. She was in the middle of nowhere, with fifteen other people who were in the same situation as her, why shouldn’t it be a dog eat dog self defence scenario? So, Caitlin threw caution to the wind, and started to take things seriously very quickly. She had been annoyed when she missed the shot at James and Shaun, but it had them running scared. Caitlin’s weapon was of no use from short range, she had to stay hidden in the shadows and bide her time to survive. She had been traipsing through the jungle in vain, in her search for somebody to kill. She had been heading to the north of the island, and had eventually stopped walking and had climbed up a tree.

Caitlin had not expected anybody to come anywhere near her, or at least, not as soon. Nor did she expect the one person she really wanted to kill to appear – Christina. Christina was a lovely girl, even Caitlin could admit that, but the reason she wanted to kill her so badly was because she just couldn’t cope with the thought of other women muscling in on her territory – namely, 30stone. Ben. If Caitlin could only just win this, she would be in the moderating team with Ben. She, not Christina, or Brona, or any other dangerously close to being jailbait Ben you should probably stop talking to Stefani I think she’s like five btw just warning you....... um, did you just hear that? No? So anyway, Caitlin and Caitlin alone would be on the mod team with Ben, and she could finally make her move. She began to silently insert (lololol) bullets into her sniper rifle, and then carefully took aim at Christina. Christina noticed Caitlin in the nick of time, and with her incredible knowledge of how to work her camera, she turned on the flash, aimed at Caitlin and clicked the button. The blinding flash of Christina’s camera impaired Caitlin’s vision, and she fired off a shot that went wide. Caitlin toppled out of the tree, taking her sniper rifle with her. She managed to roll as she landed; taking the edge off the impact, but her sniper rifle skittered away from her. Christina ran towards Caitlin and kicked her in the side of the head as she tried to get up, launching Caitlin backwards. Caitlin scrambled to her feet and ducked Christina’s fist (FIST HAHAHAHAHAHA yeah I don’t really know any boundaries) and (donkey?)punched Christina on the back of the neck (yeah.. yeah donkey punch.. oh baby yeah). Christina fell to the ground, quickly rolled over and hacked at Caitlin’s shins with her feet, flooring Caitlin as well. The two girls rolled about in the mud on the ground together, tearing each other’s clothes and... oh boy, brb.

...1 minute later...

Sorry, I was uh... busy... What do you mean I was only away for a minute? It was like ten minutes! No, I’m not one of those people who ‘gets a little bit excited too early’, how dare you! I don’t even know what you’re talking about, I had to... uh, feed my cat! What do you mean I was on webcam and you saw the whole thing? What?! Noooooooo!

“You’re a bitch!” Caitlin shrieked at Christina, trying hard to get to her sniper rifle; but Christina kept knocking Caitlin down; and when Christina tried to grab it, Caitlin would stop her. Eventually, Christina got to the sniper rifle, grabbing the butt (XXXtina strikes again)of the rifle and swinging it round to hit Caitlin on the head; but Caitlin ducked out of harm’s way, and did a legsweep that sent Christina clattering to the ground. Caitlin scooped up the rifle and fired at Christina’s head from extremely close range. Even though it was only a rubber bullet; that didn’t stop it from killing poor Christina – and Caitlin was covered in her blood. Caitlin stepped away from Christina’s dead body, and then, as a sickening afterthought, she picked up Christina’s camera, took a picture and walked away... fapfapfapfapfap.

Shaun didn’t appreciate being ignored for this long in the story, so it turns out he found an elephant in the wilderness, trained it to juggle while farting the theme tune to Friends and took it on tour to Cape Verde and the Canary Islands. So that’s what he’s been up to for the last couple of chapters. Due to an unforeseen series of unfortunate events, he ended up back on the island, mere hours after he had discovered the elephant, because life’s twisted like that. So Shaun continued to trek through the jungle, without a weapon, it seemed. He eventually came across the dead bodies of Dean and Nicky (I thought I knew you, man... that **** is disgusting) in the clearing, and wondered what had happened to them. He shrugged the question off, and kept walking. After some time, Shaun realised that there were footprints beneath where he was walking – he had been inadvertently following somebody. He became very wary, as he still didn’t know what or where his weapon was, so he started to creep carefully. He thought to himself who am I going to find? Lauren would ****ing batter me. Shaun heard the caterwauli- no, no, he heard the siren call of five sultry voices, or was that six? Shaun fell into a trance-like state as he walked towards the source of the music. It sounded like Girls Aloud, but something wasn’t quite right... Shaun finally drew close enough to the music to realise that he had fallen into a trap – Doug had been playing the music to entice the other competitors, but so far only Shaun had appeared. He wondered why nobody else had been drawn to the music. Maybe he’d chosen the wrong song? Untouchable hadn’t charted high, but it was still a good song, wasn’t it?


“No, it isn’t a good song, I’m only drawn towards it because I wanted to turn it off.” Shaun answered Doug’s thoughts, which was strange because Shaun can’t hear thoughts. Or can he...? That’s a scary concept. WHAT AM I THINKING OF RIGHT NOW SHAUN!? Ha, I knew you didn’t know.


“Well it worked, now I’m going to kill you!” Doug cackled, and suddenly morphed into a leather one piece suit.


“Oh.” Shaun sighed, as his outfit morphed into an Easter bunny outfit.


“What the ****?” Doug asked, before running towards Shaun, kicking off the ground and doing a back flip.

Doug was only mid flip when Shaun lunged forward and headbutted him. Doug’s flip was an EPIC FAIL and he crumpled into a heap on the ground. Shaun quite calmly then sat on Doug’s face (hehehe) and suffocated him, and a cameraman filmed it and posted it on RedTube, ‘cause it involves leather, suffocation and bunny outfits, just the kind of thing you’re looking for on that site, you know? Doug struggled, he really did, but his attempts to escape from underneath the sadistic bunny Shaun were futile. If you can imagine it, all you can see of Doug from a side on view is his flailing arms and legs, and Shaun has this really uninterested look on his face and the bunny suit is white with a pink stomach and pink ears. Got it? Yeah, pretty ****in’ hysterical, isn’t it?

I’m Ron Burgundy?

End of Chapter 3.

[Stephanie]

Originally Posted by Zee

Ben you should probably stop talking to Stefani I think she’s like five btw just warning you....... um, did you just hear that? No?

lmao!

[LemonJam]

roflmao, I love this <3

MOAR

[Shaun]

i'm sorry doug

[Tom4784]

That was hilarious but I've got one gripe, MARK WAS THE ONE WHO KILLED ME!? I love him but I coulda killed him with my little finger and my eyes covered in a blindfold! I had an epic death though.

The whole Shaun Vs Doug thing was hilarious.