About Us ThisisBigBrother.com

Z · 13-10-2009, 08:30 PM

Chapter One

Jonathan couldn’t quite believe the irony of the situation. He too had woken up, utterly confused, and much like Jen, James, Shaun and all the others in the same predicament, he had quickly realised what he had to do. The irony of his situation was, he felt, taking the biscuit. Everyone had been given a different kind of weapon. James had Molotovs, Jen had a knife, Caitlin had a sniper, although Jonathan had not met any of these people yet.

What Jonathan had been given was a firewire. He wasn’t quite sure what to do with it at first, but then eventually he supposed he would have to use it as some kind of garrotte and choke anyone he came across. Sphincter. Jonathan is underage, by the way, I could probably get arrested for those comments. In fact, Jonathan did not have a firewire, he had a reeeally huge gu- oh for crying out loud. Firewire it is then. Jonathan had spent at least an hour wandering through the jungle, with no luck at finding anyone else. He had immediately recognised Emily on the photo, how could he not, she was the love of his virtual life. He wondered if she missed home, or school (wait...), like he was beginning to. He didn’t like being in this jungle. He didn’t want to kill people. Jonathan began to frown, and felt a pang of depression. At that exact instant, Jonathan disintegrated into dust. Ross, in a gigantic robot exo skeleton, had just fired a heat ray at Jonathan, thus eliminating him from the game (and a subtle hint to **** TiBB!)

Ross’ exo skeleton was by far the coolest weapon in the game. He was indestructible, he had a heat ray that could make things disappear, and he was destined to be a moderator. He continued to stalk through the forest, trying to seek out someone else to kill (btw Jonathan, don’t leave TiBB, I think you’re great :P) and was, therefore, stunned when he felt a dent to the back of his exo skeletal skull. He turned around, wondering what on earth it could have been, when he received a similar dent to the visor of his exo skeleton. A crack appeared in it, and his vision was now splintered. Ross fired his heat ray in the general direction of where he thought it had come from, although what ‘it’ was, he did not know. He flipped up his visor in order to see better, and realised that it was Twilight with a harpoon gun.

“Emily!” Ross bellowed, firing numerous shots at her. She dodged them all with grace and finesse.

“Ross! I saw what you did to Jonathan, and I’m not happy!”

“Don’t make me hurt you Emily!” Ross shouted, as she fired another harpoon at him.

“You killed my boyfriend!” Emily shrieked at him, as Ross sent another heat ray at her, which she jumped over.

“You fired a harpoon at my head!”

“My career’s been put on hold because of this!” Emily, aka Twilight Twitty (new single out on the 19th of October btw yeah) retorted.

“But think of the story you could sell to the magazines! Welshman in robot suit, with nice hair, killed the love of my life in horrific heat ray fight. It’d do wonders for your single sales!” Ross fired one more shot at Emily, who easily evaded the shot, and ceased fire on Ross.

“You know, you’re right...” Emily agreed. “I think we could be onto something here, Ross, let’s say we call it a truce for now and work the details of this thing out?”

Elsewhere, a battle hardened warrior sat sharpening his spear (Conor, I’m not even kidding, stop it). He was a gentleman, a scholar, and a knight. A knight of the Brotherhood. Andy had admittedly been scared when he first realised the gravity of the situation, as had everybody else, but he had regained his cool far faster than any of the rest of them. He had been given a spear and a shield – a little old fashioned, some might say, but it meant he had protection from long distance weapons, and a form of attack for up close fights.

He had already been involved in a four way (I’m not even going to bother) fight with MarkWaldorf, GhettoSuperstar and Darenn, but Andy had been intimidated by their sheer fierceness and had run away (from those nagging gay thoughts, eh Andy? Yeah you know what I’m talking about.), not because he had been overwhelmed, but because they had ganged up on him (Conor, I swear to God if you even start thinking about gang rape, I’m going to castrate you in your sleep. NO, THAT ISN’T SEXUAL EITHER. STOP!) and he valued his life, he wasn’t going to fight silly battles.

He was disappointed in himself for running away, but then he supposed that any sensible member of the Brotherhood would have done likewise. He had been plotting his revenge on the threesome (...) for hours now, and he had finally come up with a plan that would work. He had seen Lauren traipsing around with a mace, but she had looked tired and fatigued, so Andy had tracked her and had found her sleeping on the ground. He tied her up, which had, of course, woken her. She had screamed at first, but she realised that Andy wasn’t trying to kill her, or rape her, or do anything harmful to her, all he seemed to be doing was messing up her appearance. He had smeared mud across her face (I need to stop setting up these jokes, although admittedly they are totally win) and he’d messed up her hair, he’d ripped her clothes, and while it was weird, she no longer felt like she was in immediate danger.

Lauren currently lay some ten feet away from Andy, in the middle of a clearing. Andy had told her what to do, and while it confused her, she was going to do it. She wasn’t sure why – this guy had tied her up, but she trusted him enough to do what he said. He gave her the signal, and then he slipped behind a tree.

“GOSSIP GIRL XOXO!” Lauren shouted at the top of her voice, the sound echoing through the trees. And then, from nowhere, appeared MarkWaldorf.

“Gurl wut?” He looked at her like she was mad. “You’re not Doug?”

“I’m here!” GhettoSuperstar called, entering the clearing.

“Well then who the hell called our codeword?” Mark sounded puzzled.

“Why did it have to be Gossip Girl xoxo? I wanted Sam Sparro.” Darenn appeared.

“Well, stupid, if it was Sam Sparro, then Sam! might have heard the Sam part and appeared too, and then it wouldn’t have worked. God Darenn, you’re so stupid.” (If none of you immediately get that Mean Girls reference, you’re getting a kick in the face.)

“I called your code word.” Lauren said quietly.

“Why? Wait, Lauren, is that you?!” Mark asked.

“Yep.”

“But... but you’re such a mess! A hot mess!”

“All part of my plan!” Andy emerged from behind the tree he had been hiding behind, looking victorious.

“Oh wut.” Doug gulped theatrically.

“And now, I’m going to kill all of you, and get one step closer to the mod spot I’ve always deserved! The Brotherhood needs more moderators within its ranks.”

“Not before I kill them first!” Sam! suddenly appeared behind Mark, using the baseball bat he had for a weapon (heh, that’s kind of one as well, isn’t it?) to restrict Mark’s movements. Similarly, behind Darenn stood Nicky, who used a poster of McFly to the same effect, and behind Doug was Christina, who was using the strap of a digital camera.

“What! You can’t kill them! I want to kill them!” Andy stamped his foot in annoyance. “It’s not fair, I planned this whole set up!”

“Well you snooze or you lose, and I do not do either.” Sam stated matter of factly.

“But it’s not fair!” Andy looked sad.

“Lool!” Sam replied, but what he meant, nobody was sure.

“How did you get Lauren to agree to this? That’s ridiculous! She just let you mess up her hair?!” Mark shouted at Andy.

“Well, to be fair, I’ve already been a moderator, I don’t really want to be one again.” Lauren shrugged her shoulders. “I mean, it’s not like I want to die, I’m just not really wanting to be a mod again, you know?”

Everyone looked at her in disbelief.

“What!” The unanimous response of outrage echoed through the jungle.

“You know what it’s like, you try something once, you don’t need to try it again. It’s not even that great, I mean if I was still a mod, I’d have to give Sam, Christina and Nicky warnings for being abusive to other members and one to Andy for trying to fix the game...”

Meanwhile, in the branches of the tree that Andy had hidden behind, was the mysterious sixteenth participant of the game. He had stayed quiet so far, merely watching the movements of the people beneath him. He was beginning to get impatient, being up there in the foliage, and started to feel a little bit Dezzy...

End of Chapter One.

Ninastar · 13-10-2009, 08:32 PM

Lmao! omg I love this so much!! your so good zee! x

Jen · 13-10-2009, 08:36 PM

I love <3

30stone · 13-10-2009, 08:39 PM

This is Quality keep it coming.

LemonJam · 13-10-2009, 08:40 PM

pmsl, thi is ace.

Keep the sexual innuendos in plz.

King Gizzard · 13-10-2009, 08:40 PM

How vicious

Novo · 13-10-2009, 08:42 PM

Where are the rest of my brotherhood knights

Shaun · 13-10-2009, 08:42 PM

lmfao <3
i better survive a bit.

Z · 13-10-2009, 09:26 PM

Chapter Two

Jen spent a long time staring at the trees swaying gently above her. Time didn’t pass while she lay there, she wasn’t living, she wasn’t dying, she was just part of the ground, or so it seemed to her. She had, in reality, been mildly concussed by her fall from the treehouse, and didn’t have the strength to move, however, I quite enjoy writing about Jen being a complete and utter raging hippy that’s at one with the earth, so... Jen was a seedling of a flower, opening up to the world (HA) and going into bloom. She was a blade of grass, taller than all the other blades of grass (insert pube joke), and she was proud (ew, go shave).

It was in this state that James found her, just as he left her. He had run away from Shaun, fearing that he would try to kill James once he’d finished reading the letter, as Shaun would undoubtedly realise that James had been trying to kill him earlier with the Molotov cocktails, (actually, why haven’t I commented on ‘cocktail’ yet, that one was a sitter) and James didn’t want to stick around to fight that particular battle. Jen was in a bad way. She was delirious, her eyes were wide open but she wasn’t moving (story of your life James, yeah?) and he felt guilty, because it was his fault. He knew that he was meant to kill everyone he saw, but he found that he didn’t have it in him. He could have killed Shaun instead of explaining things to him, he could kill Jen right now, but he had too much of a heart to even consider it more than in passing. He realised that in order to win this game, he would have to rely on the others murdering each other, he maybe wouldn’t have to lift a finger.

James carried Jen into a cluster of trees, slapping her across the face gently to wake her up. She eventually responded to his mild spanking and they had wild sex. No I’m kidding, Jen didn’t respond to anything James tried – far more likely HA. Jen was the wind, rustling and whistling, Jen is probably on weed by the way I’m describing her thoughts... Jen felt as light as a feather, and James felt completely empty. She wasn’t going to recover from the fall, she wasn’t responding to anything he tried. He didn’t have it in him to kill her out of mercy. He couldn’t leave her again, either. He had to do something though, but what? And then all of a sudden, Jen was a zombie. OMFG.

No but seriously, James kinda did nothing for another half hour, Jen eventually started being normal and eventually he helped her up, and suddenly my mood setting of ‘Jen is dying’ is completely ruined and she’s actually fine.

Jen hugged James tight for being with her, and for trying to help her, even though it was his fault in the first place. They smiled at each other, in disbelief that they had actually met in person, and in such extraordinary circumstances.

“So, you were saying earlier that you’d seen weird things, what were they?” James finally broke the silence.

“Well, I saw Dezzy in a tree earlier, he had a chainsaw on him, but IDK why. ILY James.”

“Jen, I know you use a lot of abbreviations and such, but this is the real world, you can’t actually do that.”

“James,” Jen raised an eyebrow at him. “This is a story invented by Greg, of course I can say IDK and ILY. I can also make fun of Stephen Gately’s death, because it’s just a story, but I won’t because the real Jen probably wouldn’t make fun of Stephen Gately’s death.”

“ROFL.” James responded.

“I also saw Andy tying up Lauren, those Brotherhood folks sure are weird, aren’t they?” Jen asked James.

“When did you become American? Greg, what have you done to Jen? Let’s go find them.” James resolved.

“Um, why?”

“Uh, no reason. To save Lauren. That’s all. Nothing horrid or kinky.”

“...Alright.” Jen looked mildly uncomfortable, and kept a distance of 2 feet away from James as they walked towards where she had last seen Lauren and Andy.

“I can’t believe I’m being held at McFly-point.” Darenn moaned. “It’s humiliating.”

“You know what Darenn, shut up, I made you a new avatar set last week, so you can stop your complaining and just deal with it, okay?” Nicky rolled her eyes.

“That’s a keeper.” Doug pointed at the digital display on Christina’s camera – the two had taken to taking ridiculously poser pictures together, and weren’t taking the hostage malarkey seriously, much to Sam!’s annoyance.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just let me kill them, it’s not fair.” Andy tried to reason with Sam, who was shaking his head.

“You don’t understand, I’m the butt of so many cam***** jokes on TiBB, Mark makes so many of them, I have to kill him. CHRISTINA WILL YOU STOP TAKING PICTURES AND START TAKING NAMES AND KICKING ASS, PLEASE.”

Christina ignored Sam, he's not threatening in the slightest.

“I don’t make jokes about you!” Mark insisted. “Seriously, I don’t, I think you should let me go and we should both kill Andy.”

“No, Waldorf, that’s not how this works.” Andy waved his spear threateningly. “I’m going to be a moderator, just like Ben, you can’t be a moderator, you’d sticky the Britney thread and delete the Brotherhood!”

“Well you’d delete the Britney thread and sticky the Brotherhood thread, I can’t let that happen!” Mark tossed his hair dramatically, forgetting that he is in fact a teenage boy, and not Mariah Carey, Britney Spears, Leighton Meester or ANY OTHER POP CULTURE CELEBRITY.

“Boys, boys, calm down.” Christina intervened.

“Yeh, listen to Gongeth lool.” Sam spoke in a language that nobody else understood.

“I think the only way we can settle this fairly is if we all walk away from this situation and if we meet again by chance, we just kill each other on sight. Trying to decide who’s going to kill who just now won’t achieve anything. Besides, I-” Christina suddenly stared at something behind everyone else; causing everyone to turn around.

An ethereal, almost ghost like vision of 30stone was walking towards the group.

“Ben!” Andy and Christina shouted in delight.

“A moderator...” Everyone else but Lauren gasped in awe.

“A ghost?!” Lauren was the only one to even question the absurdity of this storyline.

Dezzy, from his position in the trees above, had the coolest power of them all. He had a hologram machine. He’d spent hours on photoshop, designing 30stone, and then loading him onto the hologram projector – he’d had to climb up a tree, or he’d never have had the peace. Now he had a distraction. He had scampered down from the tree, and had now reached the fringes of the group. He grabbed Nicky, and broke her neck, which was really sad because Dean will probably go to jail for killing Nicky; and it’ll make headline news and Trevor MacDonald will do a special report on it, it’ll be really emotional and Nicky’s family will make appeals to the public and stuff.

The squabbling group heard Nicky’s dying shriek of ‘tell Harry I love him!’ but not because they cared for her death, but because they thought she meant TiBB Harry.

“Nicky, that’s disgusting!” came the chorus of voices.

“Oh, she’s dead. Hey, is that Dezzy?” Darenn asked.

“Yes Darenn, it is I, Dezzy, I too am a part of this game. That is not the real 30stone, it was merely a hologram I used to trick you all so I could kill Nicky!”

“But why Nicky?!” Doug looked sad. “She was such a nice girl!”

“Yes, but Doug,” Dean spoke wisely. “Greg doesn’t know Nicky particularly well enough to be able to take the piss out of her in a funny way, so beyond jokes about McFly he had nothing else to joke about, it was her time to die.”

“Ohhhh.” Everyone, including Nicky who reanimated briefly for the sake of acknowledgement, sighed in realisation.

“Well, as I was saying, I think we should all go our separate ways. Dean, you go North. Doug, you go North West. Sam, you go West. Call me! Anyone gonna get that one? No? Anyway. Lauren, you go South West. Andy, go down South on m- wait no, go South. Mark, you go South East Asia, you superstar you. Darenn, you go East, and I’ll go North East.”

“Okay, cool, sounds like a plan. Anyone know which way is South?” Andy asked.

“Uhh... I have no idea, actually.” Christina admitted.

“Dunnoo lool.” Sam chipped in.

“Well, what do we do?” Dean asked.

Everyone instantly turned to Lauren.

“Laaaaaaureeeeeen do you know?” They asked the human encyclopedia of knowledge and advice.

“Well, as it happens, I do kn-” Lauren began.

“Oh shock.” Mark said sarcastically, but he too listened as Lauren pointed them all in the right direction, and the eight of them parted ways, not realising that if they all continued to travel in the stated direction, they wouldn’t actually meet up again, and at some point they’ll have to stop travelling that way if they are to have any kind of fight. UNLESS, that is, I have some clever (or more likely, completely random) plot twist that draws them all together... Lauren will probably challenge the logic of it. Clever bitch. I hate her, she knows everything.

End of Chapter Two.

Z · 13-10-2009, 09:27 PM

That's me done for tonight folks, I'll write more tomorrow, hope you're enjoying it so far, and absolutely no offence is intended, it's all meant in good fun, and I hope it's making you laugh

.

LemonJam · 13-10-2009, 09:35 PM

I rofled so much <3

Luvvit.

Ninastar · 13-10-2009, 09:45 PM

Pmsl! Its amazing! cant wait for tommorow

Jen · 13-10-2009, 09:50 PM

I adore this.
Cheers Greg <3

(:

Shaun · 13-10-2009, 09:52 PM

WHY HAVE I NOT BEEN INVOLVED SINCE THE FIRST?
i've killed myself with a hand grenade haven't I?

30stone · 13-10-2009, 10:11 PM

Whoo i made a guest appearance (=

Ross · 13-10-2009, 10:23 PM

I love it!

Z · 13-10-2009, 10:26 PM

Well, it'd be a bit forced if I made everyone appear in each chapter at the moment, seeing as there are still 14 people left, but no worries Shaun, the people who didn't feature in Chapter 2 will feature strongly in Chapter 3!

Z · 14-10-2009, 08:23 PM

I've started writing chapter 3 guys; but I've had lots of work to do today and I'm away to go over to a party at other halls - but I will post more tomorrow!!