[Angus]

Originally Posted by *Kate*

I know it's next to impossible for someone who has had no real dealings with this type of situation in their lives to understand where we are coming from on this topic, so I don't want to be at odds with anyone on the issue, it's good that it can be discussed and awareness raised.

I appreciate that much as Novo disagrees with me on this and thinks I am taking it too seriously (which I again don't want to criticise because I don't expect him to know how much the whole thing has affected my life, tbf) he did come into this thread and listened, which surprised me, and acknowledged that he didn't understand so fair play there.

In response to you Angus, I identify completely with what you say above, and your description of how it is to live with DV. Domestic Violence is to some extent a misnomer (misleadingly named) as it covers everything from verbal abuse, confidence destroying, mind games, and more.

I went through the entire range, stage by stage, from my early to my late twenties, and really feel I lost a huge part of my life (maybe why I still act like I'm in that age range sometimes, rather than 40 something, cough, ahem )

Started out with the little criticisms and put downs. When we went round to his parents house he used to sit in the armchair and I had to sit on the floor, which is a big part of why the BB Footage triggered my reactions last night.

Moved on to isolating me slowly from my friends, and even trying to undermine my relationship with my family, they want you completely dependent on them and so you won't challenge what is happening. Very often alcoholism is a huge factor, was in my case, he had to drink all the time, and I lived on my nerves never knowing when he was going to flip.

5 years down the line and here are some examples of things he did.

Would make breakfast and I'd sit at the table, he would then throw mine on the floor, or put salt all over it to make it uneatable, and sit there eating his, smiling.

Once I came in from having spent an hour with a friend chatting over a coffee to find he had rigged up a noose in the living room and said he was going to kill himself because I made his life such a misery, and I would have to live with that.

Towards the end, before I found the strength to leave, he started to bring a knife to bed and would say, that's for if you get on my nerves.

When I was pregnant with my son Josh (I was now 27 years old) he smashed a glass and went for my face, fortunately I put my hands up in reflex, and he was drunk so missed but still cut my hand very badly, I had to have plastic surgery on my left hand, my third finger is scarred, I had to have skin grafted from the inside of my palm to cover the gash.

Those are a few of the lovely things he did, and as he said, it was all my fault for making his life hell, I pushed him to it

I've been open about the fact I have suffered DV on the forum, but never given any detailed descriptions, so it's a bit draining to do so here. I just want to try and put across how horrific it is, and it does in fact start with the type of behaviour currently happening in the house.

To reiterate, for the people who think Arron and Conor are just acting up, well yes they may well be. I am not and never was implying that they are, or are likely to become abusers, just that what is going on reminds me strongly of things and is uncomfortable to watch.

I do think their behaviour is abhorrent and they are not very nice people, but that is just my opinion and others feel differently, I accept that. It's very telling though, that the vast majority of people are indeed disgusted by said actions.

I'll leave it there.

I guess you have to have lived through it to fully empathise, and I do I can barely remember the scared downtrodden woman that I was. Like you I've refused to be a victim ever again

[Amy Jade]

Originally Posted by Novo

I find people that predicts someone else beats up women without any proof or real evidence ignorant.. but there we go

Nobody said either of them did, both *Kate* and I simply pointed out how their treatment of women is reminiscent of how we have witnessed the beginnings of domestic violence, you twisted our words and here we are.

[armand.kay]

Connor is just a ****ing stupid cocky prick. I don't think he beats women he just bullies them.

[Novo]

I don't really see how that links in with the Conor and Arron situation though if anything close to domestic violence was going on in the house then they would have been kicked out by now and nothing i have seen really has anything to do with domestic violence other then the threat Conor made which he later thought about and regretted saying it.. i just find it really silly that people are comparing them in this way.. he belittles Adam the same way he does with Deana so i don't think he targets Women either

[Kate!]

Originally Posted by Novo

I don't really see how that links in with the Conor and Arron situation though if anything close to domestic violence was going on in the house then they would have been kicked out by now and nothing i have seen really has anything to do with domestic violence other then the threat Conor made which he later thought about and regretted saying it.. i just find it really silly that people are comparing them in this way.. he belittles Adam the same way he does with Deana so i don't think he targets Women either

Ok. I'll explain a bit more/ better if I may?

To repeat, I'm not saying that domestic violence is going on in the house. Bullying yes, but that's a separate issue. What I'm saying, Novo, is that the way Conor and Arron speak to and about other housemates reminds me of how DV starts and I find it uncomfortable to watch. I know you are entitled as everyone else to post your opinions and am not looking to argue with you at all, but please just consider that just because you may not understand where I'm coming from, you having never had any experience of DV I hope?, I don't take the subject lightly.

So when I asked for people, and I didn't specifically aim it just at yourself, for it not to be made a joke of, it was very offputting to have you make even more of a joke about it. I left the thread because I didn't want to fall out .... Again lol.

I experienced being sworn at, controlled and called names for a couple of years before it began to escalate. It's a very slow gradual process and you get worn down.

You get to the point where you believe all the stuff they say to you and that everything is your fault.

Anyway, I've said all I can. I hope you can see my point? I don't know how well I've explained it. It's a tricky subject.

[Novo]

You are linking domestic violence with Conor and Arron and saying how you think they act similar to what you have witnessed before.. so in a way i'd say you are somewhat predicting they would use domestic violence

[Amy Jade]

Originally Posted by Novo

You are linking domestic violence with Conor and Arron and saying how you think they act similar to what you have witnessed before.. so in a way i'd say you are somewhat predicting they would use domestic violence

Well then you're wrong. I don't know either of them to even say that but the way they treated Deana and Becky today reminded me of how my Dad used to treat my Mum, belittling and demeaning her so naturally I found it uncomfortable to view so when I saw certain people condoning their behaviour I at first ignored it but you followed Kate and rebuffed our accounts as stupid in short because you've not been through anything similar.

I have no idea if this is what you want though , to create a dramatic reaction to entertain yourself no matter how others feel.

[rinkydinkpanther]

Originally Posted by StupidHoe

Well then you're wrong. I don't know either of them to even say that but the way they treated Deana and Becky today reminded me of how my Dad used to treat my Mum, belittling and demeaning her so naturally I found it uncomfortable to view so when I saw certain people condoning their behaviour I at first ignored it but you followed Kate and rebuffed our accounts as stupid in short because you've not been through anything similar.

I have no idea if this is what you want though , to create a dramatic reaction to entertain yourself no matter how others feel.

in my life experience ive heard women put down men far more than the other way around....abusive the mans credit cards, making false allegations, having affairs, denying him rights to access for his children, 1 mate was lied to for 4 years about him being the childs biological father, he paid for 4 years whilst she acoided blood tests, the truth caught up with her, the father had built a 4 year relationship and was heartbroken, she had also defrauded him for 4 years income too

any man can have his entire life destroyed at any time by any woman expecially those closest to them. try being a man, its much harder than being a woman in the uk

[Novo]

I see your point but for me it's hard to understand how you'd compare Conor and Arron's actions to the start of DV though ( Aaron more so )

[Brother Leon]

To be fair. The title is ridiculously extreme. I can think of true embarrassments to the men of the U.K and Arron & Conor from Big Brother 13 aren't people I would think of immediately.

[Novo]

What on earth are you banging on about now Stupidhoe? just when i see people comparing the actions of Conor and Arron ( like i said above Arron more so ) to Domestic violence in any shape it feels like i am on a different planet because to me it's just normal arguments in that house.. nothing more and nothing less

[Amy Jade]

Yes I understand that's how you see it but that's probably because you've never witnessed the beginnings of domestic violence, I have and it reminded me of Conor and Arrons treatment of Deana which made me uncomfortable. You may not agree but you could respect our opinions.

[Sophiee]

to associate conor/arron with domestic violence is extremely over the top.

[rinkydinkpanther]

Originally Posted by Lister of Smeg

i say this as a man there attitude towards the girls is disgusting they make them sit on the floor then throw lots of vile abuse at them. Arron clearly idolizes Conor and copies everything he does so to me he's just a brain dead sheep but Conor is a real nasty piece of work theres no excuse for the things he says and does he's just a nasty bully that gets a kick out of picking on women i can only hope no woman goes near him when he gets out .

the likes of caroline ash, shiv and scott have said a whole load mor epoisonous comments throughout the 5 weeks than everyone else put together....some of what theyve said is disgraceful...

conor is a buffoon , arron is basically allright, hes learning and growing, hes not afriad to make mistakes and boy he does make them, but hes open to the experience, very entertaining , honest and laughs at himself

[Josy]

I don't see how whats happening in there relates to domestic violence at all tbh, Conor made some remarks that where a step too far and since then its just been a case of arguing and bitching between hms who dislike each other, the public are just waiting to pounce on any little thing he says or does, yes he can be nasty as can Arron but people seem to forgot that the hms are being watched constantly by the production team and I think they all also have an individual psychologist linked to them? and I'm pretty sure if they thought there was any signs of domestic violence/abuse or even bullying going on then they would step in.

[chuff me dizzy]

Originally Posted by Josy

I don't see how whats happening in there relates to domestic violence at all tbh, Conor made some remarks that where a step too far and since then its just been a case of arguing and bitching between hms who dislike each other, the public are just waiting to pounce on any little thing he says or does, yes he can be nasty as can Arron but people seem to forgot that the hms are being watched constantly by the production team and I think they all also have an individual psychologist linked to them? and I'm pretty sure if they thought there was any signs of domestic violence/abuse or even bullying going on then they would step in.

Oh no ,dont tell me some folk are now turning this into domestic abuse? FGS some folk need to get a grip and a life

[joeysteele]

Originally Posted by Josy

I don't see how whats happening in there relates to domestic violence at all tbh, Conor made some remarks that where a step too far and since then its just been a case of arguing and bitching between hms who dislike each other, the public are just waiting to pounce on any little thing he says or does, yes he can be nasty as can Arron but people seem to forgot that the hms are being watched constantly by the production team and I think they all also have an individual psychologist linked to them? and I'm pretty sure if they thought there was any signs of domestic violence/abuse or even bullying going on then they would step in.

Absolutely right, hallelujah.

It is incredible to me that all faults that occur from some are highlighted and blown up out of all proportion,while the nasty vindictiveness of say Deana and others get glossed over.
Deana has tried to stab Arron in the back and ruin his chances,behind his back too on the show since week one.

The moaning at the girls sitting on the floor, I would have offered them the seat myself, I don't see why that always has to be the case though.
We have bully accusations, they apparantly seem like likely domestic violent candidates, Deana said Arron had no brain in the diary room, that's okay to say that though,were it him saying that about her then the massive condemnation would set in again, the only thing we haven't had yet is that Arron and Conor have likely murdered someone.( or maybe we have).

A gross overreaction on my view and sadly once certain negative descriptions as to like bully and domestic violence abuse are made, some people take that on board as if that is what is happening so use it to hammer a housemate they dislike totally.

My guess would be, love or hate Conor and Arron that in reality in the outside world both would totally abhor and 100% denounce domestic violence against men or women as I most certainly do.
I would not have used such a term in the same sentence as talking about Arron and Conor though,I can see not a scrap of evidence to even indicate it's possibilty as to them either.

[chuff me dizzy]

Is this a poor downtrodden woman or an absolute bitch ? her family must be SO proud "My Father couldnt tell me what to do " next time you think shes a poor fragile ,scared little woman ,re watch this video ,it will give you a reality check


http://www.facebook.com/BigBrotherUK...m-every-woman/

[rinkydinkpanther]

the girls dont look the least bit scared of conor and deffo not arron, this is the usual over inflated biased politically correct drivel usually perpetuated by feminists...the get rich quick agenda for such women seems to be have huge chips on both shoulders, blame men for all your woes and find every single possible excuse to feel sorry for yourself in a desperate attempt to get cheap attention.....meanwhile serious crimes elsewhere go ignored and unpunished..

[Indy]

Signs of an abusive relationship:

To determine whether your relationship is abusive, answer the questions below. The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you’re in an abusive relationship.

Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings
Do you:
feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
feel emotionally numb or helpless?

Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior
Does your partner:
humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for their own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats
have a bad and unpredictable temper?
hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
threaten to take your children away or harm them?
threaten to commit suicide if you leave?
force you to have sex?
destroy your belongings?

Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior
Does your partner:
act excessively jealous and possessive?
control where you go or what you do?
keep you from seeing your friends or family?
limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
constantly check up on you?

Off the top of my head, I can see 10 yes answers in terms of how Conor (and to a lesser extent, Arron) interact with Deana. It doesn't take 10 yeses for a counselor to suggest a woman attempt to leave a relationship.

Just because this behavior is happening in front of a TV camera does not make it ok. Just because it's being done by people competing to win a big check does not justify it.
Just because you think it's cute or funny does not make it safe or harmless.

[rinkydinkpanther]

the women of the house and caroline especially have thrown far far more verbal insults than aaron or connor, its the women who mocked adams weight, its the woman who called adam a gorilla, its the likes of deana who couldnt handle criticism, everyone else took it on the chin..

[Johnnyuk123]

I hope they change it to a double eviction then Conron the bromance is evicted!

[Adamw92]

I loathe these two now, they are an absolute disgrace

[chuff me dizzy]

Right ,did you see that Conor,Arron MADE them sit on the floor ? the days of men giving up seats to women is long gone

[BBUKAUSFAN]

Edit

Step away from your computers and you idealistic ideas and opinions on people which are always not true.

Arron and conor are just messing around, and you people look far to deep into situations. Seriously Get a ****ing life.