[Daniel-X]

Hughie was trash and idc what anyone else says he's ****ing abhorrent!

[Jake.]

Originally Posted by Daniel-X

Hughie was trash and idc what anyone else says he's ****ing abhorrent!

[Daniel-X]

Originally Posted by Jake.

I agree that these should be F3.

[LukeB]

Originally Posted by Daniel-X

Hughie was trash and idc what anyone else says he's ****ing abhorrent!

Yeah tea

I wish Jason eliminated Hughie because his write up on him would be great (no shade marc just hughie sucks and Jason would have been a negative write up full of drags)

[Shaun]

No swapping!

[Jake.]

Originally Posted by Shaun

No swapping!

ok!

[RileyH]

you tell them

[Macie Lightfoot]

lol thx Jake I'll just add an ~addendum~ to yours bc Steph *might* be my least favorite woman ever. And Bubble is also awful so it's not like my negativity is going to go to waste.

[Epic.]

Ok enough with the Hughie shade now. I get it.

267: Jackson Blython (BB17)


BB17 is a pretty great series I had rewatched recently. And under regular circumstances, I probably wouldn't be eliminating Jackson this soon. There's much more hateable scums of the earth still in this rank (not just from BB17, in general), but given my options I had no choice but to oust this audience-manipulating, backwards chicken-dancing monster.

Jackson was an annoying camera-seeking, attention-seeking showmance-crazed irritant. It was kind of a gradual thing but it also gradually was irritating the **** out of me. Most of what I'm describing him as can all kind of be exemplified in his showmance with Georgina "Nicky91" Cantwell. From his Aladdin and Princess Jasmine analogies, to his insistence on him being the "Street Kid Done Good With Rich Girl", his blatant storylining with her was so audience pandering and him getting away with it all bugged the **** out of me. I know we all like to point out how much of an obvious painfully passive-aggressive nutcase Georgina was, but she was so played by him and his plotlines with her and it aggravated me. ("When I could be having FUN WITH EVELYN!!!" is one of the most douchey lines ever.) While it had it's moments (evelyn: jackson do you wanna play a game? georgina: don't. you. dare..(!!!!)) the whole showmance he was known for for the first half of the series just felt so dragged on and pointless and I didn't give a ****. This was mostly in part to Jackson in particular (side note: remember that time georgina told jackson she owned a horse and he stared RIGHT at the camera saying "Ohhhh man she's got a horse! She's got a HORSE.").

Everything else Jackson was known for? Well... he was even worse with Jackson CONSTANTLY had to parade himself on his JUSTICE and his PRINCIPLES. He freaked out and provoked poor Emma Jensen into trying to leave the house just because she spent another night with her boyfriend when he could be talking to his son ("It's peopull's LIVES!!!" ****). He had to constantly have this weird goofy moral highground and it got so grating at times. And sure I had people there to call him out on his petty **** like laura<3 evelyn<3 and hughie<3, but it just couldn't make up enough for how annoying the Jackson Bly(ight)on experience was.

Other bad moments include: making a big song and dance about not turning around for his son because he's soooo selfless only to predictably turn around to see him ofc, challenging Zoltare in front of the cameras on his own in finale week (so ****ing pandering), CONSTANTLY complaining about how selfish it would be to take money only to THEN STEAL money and uglycri about it when called out on it by, well, every single housemate etc. And while I appreciated his various interactions and the contribution he made to BB17 and its cast's contrast, he was still just so aggravating of a presence. You always get that one housemate every series who's just so fake and audience attention-seeking and who ALWAYS somehow gets away with despite it being so obvious. BB16 had their Danny, BB18 had their Ellie, and I guess BB17's was Jackson.

[Epic.]

Oh and I save Andrew (BB1) and cut Amy (BB8). Don't really have much an opinion on either though (Andrew was a Nasty Nick-beta though, which is why I save him.)

[RileyH]

Georgina "Nicky91" Cantwell

also I love Amy BB8 because she's the only person from Grimsby to ever be on the show

[Jake.]

258th Place: Steph Coldicott


I haven't watched BB4, so here are some Kim Woodburn quotes made up of exactly 100 words:

"Just stop, alright?... Because, you pacify everybody. You're talking to him, he's your pal. THEN you're on the bed, pacifying him." 21

"You BLABBERMOUTH!" 23

"And I think you're a little bitch, actually... An utter little rude little bitch." 37

"Trash and scum... And I say that with no regret. Scum, scum, scum." 50

"She WISHED it were true! Her eyes lit up then didn't they! You little BITCH!" 65

"And DON'T FUCK WITH ME." 70

"You'd make a wonderful town crier!" 76

"You're a SADDO! You silly bitches!" 82

"He's failed himself MISERABLY, by joining a gang!" 90

"Nicole is... She is the mafia... You are my women..." 100

[Babayaro.]

Lmao NOT Tamsin Greig

[RileyH]

I love Tamsin Greig

[Shaun]

how dare besmirch Miss Tamsin like this?

[Cal.]

OI!

[Shaun]

waiting for...well...everyone but Cal and Daniel-X?

[Macie Lightfoot]

k I'm going sis it's not my fault I was ready to write about Steph and SOMEBODY wouldn't let us amicably switch

[Babayaro.]

Saved Mario

Eliminated Maysoon

I saved Mario because I liked him.



Don't have a lot to say about Maysoon, to be honest. She easily contributed the least towards her series and wasn't really an interesting person. Her VT was OK, I guess. At least she had a personality in that. I mean, she was a nice person but all I can remember about her time in the house was Mo having a thing for her and her not having much opinions on things going on. It's hard to believe she spent a whole month in there as when you look back at BB9 it honestly seems like a week and not four.

[Macie Lightfoot]

258. Bubble Ferguson (BB2 - 8th Place)



Bubble is someone who I *HATED* when I watched BB2, but I hardly remember why now bc BB2 was actually awful and a worse series than BB4, yes I said that! He was just an annoying lad who *SHOCK* has a daughter and wuvs her so much and he won't hesitate to tell you just how much he loves her and cry about how he wants to win the money for her!!!!!!! Like, you can't begrudge someone for loving their daughter but when that's one of your only personality traits... why were you ever cast on reality television in the first place? The only other personality traits Bubble had to offer WERE off-putting, but I don't recall them so lol so much for that. Anyways, Bubble maybe had some chance of winning until...





it was the task where whenever the music played or whatever they had to RUN TO THE PLATFORM AND DANCE #BubbleHoldMe and Bubble nearly broke his damn knee and was forced to bedrest and even the people who used to think he was "funny" nominated him and he SOMEHOW got evicted despite being a kooky young blue collar father. And, like, Bubble was certainly awful in the context of BB2 but in the grander context of the franchise... I'm not even inspired to give him a scathing write up so

[Cal.]

As someone belonging to the very small group of people who've seen BB2 on here, I can vouch that Bubble was definitely awful but so is the entire cast besides Narinder, Brian D, Amma and Penny.

[Epic.]

Imagine how much worse the BB timeline would've been had Bubble won instead of Brian?

[Shaun]

Thank you, huns

[Shaun]

Just waiting on Daniel, Lucas & RobertC.

Jason is next to nominate!

[Macie Lightfoot]

252. Caroline Wharram (BB13 - 10th Place)



So there were actually a **** ton of people I could have seen myself eliminating this round (Anton, Chris, Grace, Matthew, Pauline, Spencer, Stuart) but one must NEVER pass up on an opportunity to destroy Caroline when granted one. It's surely one of the cardinals rules of C5 BBUK. Do I even need to go into why she's so awful? Surely everyone knows, right? I know a few people try to be edgy and insist that Caroline was HILAAAAAAAAAARIOUS and provided comic relief (?!) merely because she was posh and had a vagina, but no. Absolutely no. I'm not having any of that ****ing bull****. Homegirl was a wretched cretin who was seemingly bred in a laboratory to have a bunch of obviously bad personality traits that would come together in the worst way imaginable. Here's a few of them!

Racist: I'm sure some people are going to cry about how I'm being too harsh because Caroline didn't call someone the n-word or preach for resegregation, but she called a black man a gorilla and compared him to MLK Jr. as an insult, which at the very least is extremely racially insensitive.

Desperate for attention but lacking a backbone: So because it wasn't HILAAAAAAAAARIOUS enough when Rex did it and when Harry did it, we had to suffer through Caroline thinking she was oh so ****ing clever and pulling that tired-ass trope of swapping out the Shopping Budget entirely for chocolate! Not only was this blatantly unoriginal and NOT funny, but Caroline couldn't even own her damn decision. She just kinda lingered in the background and snickered to herself and ran away when people realized what was up because she didn't want people yelling at her.

Downright bizarre and emotionally unstable: Another quality that probably sounds good on paper but in practice was just EXHAUSTING. As mentioned above, Caroline could not own any decision she made and was incredibly spineless, which is kind of the exact opposite of how someone trying to sell her brand of character should act. Whenever her chickens came home to roost, instead of standing her ground Caroline would just dive into melodramatic, weepy apologies where she would panic and hyperventilate and fully agreed that she was an awful person and just suck you into her self-loathing and leave you feeling uncomfortable... and then she wouldn't change her behavior at all and the cycle would just keep going on. I don't think this fits anywhere, but I feel obligated to mention that time when Caroline hit herself in the eye with her hairbrush and then hysterically wailed in the Diary Room for 10 minutes.

FAT: This isn't so much a personality trait and I'm not trying to fat-shame, but for someone with so many different ISSUES, Caroline got reeeeeallly ****ing fat towards the end of her stay and it got to the point where she had to be given a new eviction outfit and then, of course, she had to compliment this eviction outfit by having her hair all frizzy and messy and knotty but she was also going to carry a hairbrush with her because GET IT, SHE SHOULD PROBABLY USE IT SINCE HER HAIR IS A MESS, LOOK HOW FUNNY AND CLEVER THAT CAROLINE IS!!!!! The rest of her eviction interview consisted of her shrieking and chanting "GET CAROLINE OUT!" and attempting to sell her own friends out in the few sentences she could actually string together.

So yeah, thanks for tuning into "Caroline Wharram: A case study on why you should never send your children to boarding school." Until next time!