[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by MB.

I can't believe you've blocked out the seminal CBB8 from your long-term memory

OMG she shared a house with Kez Katona, Jedward and Tara Reid? WHY don't I remember that?

[Morgan.]

Loving this MB

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Greg!

booooooo!!!! Who are ya! Who are ya!

Luckily she's up for eviction already, so if you're willing to venmo me a year's wages worth of votes against her then I'll be more than happy to accept (ignoring the very minor fact that I simulated all the results a week ago and you would be in a good position to sue me)

Originally Posted by Morgan.

Loving this MB

Ta Morgan!

[Mitchell]

Originally Posted by MB.

Luckily she's up for eviction already, so if you're willing to venmo me a year's wages worth of votes against her then I'll be more than happy to accept

Vanessa

[Greg!]

Ugh if this lineup was real it would be amazing

Also kind of semi-realistic for Channel 4?

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Greg!

Ugh if this lineup was real it would be amazing

Also kind of semi-realistic for Channel 4?

lol thanks I tried to translate the casting archetypes from Channel 4 CBB over to today's celeb culture climate the best I could, and I think all that's really missing is a dodgy politician and a random American pop star thirty years past their prime?

[madman411]

Love it. Only thing I'd change is re-incorporating the Eatock eye and not using an existing house.

[Samm]

the way demi is winning

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 5 & 6

Day 5

Spoiler:

and if rumours are to believed, that’s not the only thing he has in common with a horse (yes, we’re doing tasks where housemates reenact classic British plays now, we’re acting extra highbrow to counteract everything that happened on Channel 5).



honestly, what is this episode, Big Brother Goes to the Zoo?

Day 6 + Eviction

Spoiler:

unfortunately they spend two hours beforehand arguing over who gets to be Gaga and who gets to be Ari, by which point the rain had stopped and the sun had come out. #kindnesspunk


That night, the housemates gather to find out which one of Doc, Julia and Tati will be the first person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...




Julia!

(yes, BrantSteele says "banished" instead of evicted, don't worry, you'll get used to it)

in her exit interview with Davina, Julia apologises for her offensive comment about Channel 4 viewers, and says that she instead meant to refer to them as inbred cat-shaggers.

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 7-9

Day 7 + Nominations

Spoiler:

I can't imagine such a cruel prank would have made the condition of Baga's heart much betta.


Later on, the housemates are called to the diary room one-by-one to nominate. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tati & Doc
Amber – Doc & Fred
Baga – AJ & Tati
Beverley – Tati & Baga
Bugzy – Baga & Doc
Demi – Baga & Doc
Doc – Demi & Tati
Fred – Amber & Tati
Sophie – Tati & Fred
Tati – Fred & AJ
Tony – Demi & Tati



who goes? the simulator decides!

Day 8

Spoiler:

defund the police, and abolish The One Show while you're at it!

Day 9 + Eviction

Spoiler:

as today is Baga's birthday, the housemates celebrate RuPaul Day in the house...


...a holiday which incorporates both the good...


...and the bad.


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of Doc and Tati will become the second person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...




Tati!

Tati is surprised to find James Charles and Angela Rippon waiting for her outside the house, both wielding truncheons and copies of their respective telephone bills.

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 10-13

Day 10

Spoiler:

that neighbour's name? Albert Einstein.



Amber and Demi are quickly becoming one of this house's most prominent double acts, right up there with Sophie and feather dusters, AJ and mirrors, and Doc and polygamy!

Day 11 + Nominations

Spoiler:

Tony is obviously Charley in this scenario, just fyi.


Later in the day, the housemates are called to the diary room one-by-one to nominate for the third time. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tony & Doc
Amber – Doc & AJ
Baga – AJ & Doc
Beverley – Doc & AJ
Bugzy – Doc & Sophie
Demi – Doc & Beverley
Doc – AJ & Tony
Fred – Demi & Amber
Sophie – Doc & Beverley
Tony – AJ & Doc



who goes? the simulator decides (that it's probably not going to be AJ, let's be honest)!

Day 12

Spoiler:

for context, today's task is to rank evil historical figures in order of most to least atrocities committed. thanks to Beverley's strong will, Cilla ends up somewhere between Pol Pot and the guy who wrote the Sheila's Wheels jingle.

Day 13 + Eviction

Spoiler:

which won't make Bugzy's eventual BBLB interview with Rylan, Ainsley's replacement, awkward in the slightest (#Justice4TheHarriott).


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ and Doc will be the third person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...




Doc!

after he leaves the house, Doc is shocked to find out that Channel 4 couldn't get the rights to Tiger King references from Netflix, so all of his juicy stories about Carole Baskin and Joe Exotic's secret love affair were cut from the show. oh, and he also tries to propose to Davina.

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 14-16

Day 14 + Nominations

Spoiler:

luckily for our Mrs Hinch, I'm pretty sure Chromatica is included in the list of new travel corridors, so she'll be able to go on her hols there very soon. if I remember correctly, she'll need to catch a connecting flight at Babylon Airport?



the worst part is that he's learning the Say So routine, which must be a good six months old at this point. disgusteng!


Later on, the housemates are called to the diary room once again to give their nominations:

AJ – Tony & Fred
Amber – AJ & Fred
Baga – Fred & Demi
Beverley – Demi & Sophie
Bugzy – Beverley & Fred
Demi – Tony & Fred
Fred – Beverley & AJ
Sophie – Fred & Beverley
Tony – Amber & AJ



who goes? and will Marsh's wish to #GetBevOut come true? the simulator decides!

Day 15

Spoiler:

some shockingly blatant pandering to the crucial Liz Jones demographic now that she's up for eviction! I can see right through you, Callard!

Day 16 + Eviction

Spoiler:

casualties lost in the fire include AJ's favourite mirror, Bugzy's fracking rig and Demi Rose Mawby. luckily the production line managed to manufacture a replacement Demi just in time and the show was able to continue filming.


Later that night, the housemates return to the house, where they gather to find out which of AJ, Beverley and Fred will be the fourth person voted out...

...

...

...




Fred!

Fred proves that he's definitely not up-to-date on his TikTok knowledge by doing a full 180, Dua Lipa style, on his way out of the house. a nation of Gen Zers sighs despondently.

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 17-20

Day 17

Spoiler:

he didn't even realise there were cameras until the other night.

Day 18 + Nominations

Spoiler:

On Day 18, the housemates nominate for the fifth time. As you might expect, they are all well acquainted with the process at this point, and should have no troubl-


oh Baga.


The results are as follows:

AJ – Beverley & Tony
Amber – Beverley & AJ
Baga – Sophie & AJ
Beverley – Demi & Sophie
Bugzy – Amber & Beverley
Demi – Baga & Beverley
Sophie – Demi & Beverley
Tony – AJ & Demi



who goes? the simulator decides, assuming it can remember their names!

Day 19

Spoiler:

luckily for AJ, today's secret task is for the entire house to ignore Beverley. they pass with flying colours, and as a reward AJ wins a photo of himself.

Day 20 + Eviction

Spoiler:

hey, it's a common mistake to make. I'm more worried that they left out Sophie accidentally wiping down the kitchen worktops with Aperol spritz.


Later that night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ, Beverley and Demi will become the fifth person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...




Demi!

Amber weeps as Demi leaves, both for the loss of her friend and the loss of countless potential brand sponsorship deals. as she sits down for her interview, Davina remarks that Demi's yellow mini dress smells faintly of Heinz mustard.

[MB.]

Celebrity Big Brother 2020
Days 21-23

Day 21 + Nominations

Spoiler:

when will Tony learn that Slattery gets you nowh- oh wait Marc already did that pun, ignore me.


Later on, the housemates nominate for the sixth time; in a twist to the usual format, they do so face-to-face. The results are as follows:

AJ – Tony & Amber
Amber – Tony & AJ
Baga – Beverley & Tony
Beverley – AJ & Sophie
Bugzy – AJ & Tony
Sophie – Beverley & AJ
Tony – AJ & Amber



who goes? the simulator decides!

Day 22

Spoiler:

the crew forget to switch on the cameras at the start of the day, resulting in no footage being recorded. in place of that night's highlights show, Channel 4 air clips of various celebrities and public figures lip syncing to the Michelle Bass song Must Be the Music for an hour. eleven and a half million viewers tune in and the broadcast is nominated for a television BAFTA.

Day 23 + Eviction

Spoiler:

meanwhile, Amber's agent's phone is ringing off the hook with endorsement offers from garlic press brands.


That night, the housemates gather to find out which of AJ and Tony will be the sixth person voted out of the Celebrity Big Brother house...

...

...

...




AJ!

the MOR3 is defeated.

[Shaun]

I had forgotten my love for Tony Slattery, lovely man I can see this being semi-realistic with the exceptions of Tati (surely too long away from a steady revenue) and perhaps Fred (no particular reason, just don't see him being the sort for the show)

[Black Dagger]

What a first boot. The crank.

[Cal.]

This is ICONIC

[Mitchell]

And what an oil rig that is...

[Nicky91]

apart from you dissing me in the OP, good to see you are having fun with this MB

[Babayaro.]

Originally Posted by Nicky91

apart from you dissing me in the OP, good to see you are having fun with this MB

King of being civil

[MB.]

-scraps "The Daily Star reveals a bitter lifelong feud between Tony and Nicky91" from this week's events-

[Babayaro.]

that neighbour's name? Albert Einstein.

nnnnnn

[Mitchell]

Magical

[Shaun]

the Demi/Amber friendship must be the most powerful Instagram collaboration of all time

[MB.]

Originally Posted by Shaun

the Demi/Amber friendship must be the most powerful Instagram collaboration of all time

the hottest duo in Honduras indeed!