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Shaun · 10-07-2015, 09:00 PM

MB

are you ok

is there anything we can do

Ross. · 10-07-2015, 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaun

MB

are you ok

is there anything we can do

MB. · 11-07-2015, 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaun

MB

are you ok

is there anything we can do

no bc

Big Brother: A Shitload of Brazilians

Featuring Agustinho, fresh out of jail for drug smuggling crimes and Cida, fresh out of the grave by the looks of it

Well this already looks like my worst nightmare

But alliances aside, could Cida break the Week 1 old fogey curse and win the first HoH comp of the season?

Why did you ever doubt her?

The first eviction came around soon enough...

Which is fine because it doesn't look like he washes

In week two, something called a Yuri won HoH, nominated Francine and -checks notes- -Google Translates- -copies and pastes- João Mauricio. And they didn't even evict him, which is pretty inconsiderate considering I have to write his name out for five more weeks.

In the third week, Milena nominated Liane and Rafael, who seemed to be establishing his shtick already.

Oi, get off Mariza's turf

Aaaand out he went.

House pariah Liane became HoH in week four, which can only end well.

Told you

Milena went next, starting off a chain of #vagicide which also claimed Liane and Aline. Also, is anyone beginning to spot a pattern in Alisson's votes?

Me neither

Meanwhile, it dun happened again...

...and agai-

-never mind

There was little change in the alliances:

LOOK UPON IT AND WEEP

But thankfully Joe Maurice soon buggered off, mainly because this was his competition on the block:

Yeah that's too much technology for Cida

Then Amanda won HoH! Who's Amanda? I hear you not cry. idk either but she nominated that dweeb Alisson so that's something.

oh

Moral of the story: the black girl went. In week nine, Yuri won HoH for the gazillionth time, and was responsible for this monstrosity:

The (baggy, post-menopausal) vagicide continues

Week 10?

Slay a bit granddad

Oh and Douglas went. I have no comment to make about that.

idkhAmanda won HoH for the second time the following week, and was responsible for this whatever the opposite of monstrosity is:

Who calls their kid Alisson?!

Then Yuri won HoH again and the house voted Agustinho out because he didn't supply them with crack.

At this point, this douche bro final two deal was the only alliance left standing:

(idkhAmanda and some woman called Marielza who I literally haven't mentioned once but turns out to be the new Germaine Greer are the other two) (they're not aligned because this is an awful season)

Rodrigão (seriously what is it with Brazilians and odd names) won the final four HoH comp, meaning that him and Yuri were both safe to execute their plan to be in the fin-

-lolno

Yuri understands this decision and takes being nominated by his fellow alliance member on the chi-

-lolno

But it turns out that this was all pointless and Rodrigão saved Yuri with the veto anyway. And since this season is where feminism comes to die:

And so, we were at the final three - Yuri, Rodri... um, Rodri, and idkhAmanda. The first two stood strong in their final two pact despite a temporary betrayal, and the other was a woman. When Yuri won the final HoH, he honoured his deal, saved his best friend and evic-

-lolno (oh just kiss already)

With Yuri Geller managing to make his alliance magically vanish, it was him vs idkhAmanda (yes I'm sticking with that nickname deal with it) for the win. Yuri, who argued in his opening speech that he'd won eight overall challenges, played better strategically, performed better on the challenges and survived despite being nominated three times vs idkhAmanda, who wants to win because she'd love to buy herself a new summer wardrobe, you know?

Obviously.

Talk about rubbing it in:

#feminism

idkhAmanda wins money in some form or another, as well as a spot next to Felipe, That Bitch Josiane and Maíra in a list of people with funny names. Meanwhile:

That happened.

And so...

Placements

Gontijo?!

Table

Final popularity

75: Amanda
74: Douglas
72: Milena
69: Ana Marcela
68: Rafael
67: João Mauricio
52: Liane
48: Francine
38: Cida
36: Alisson
31: Yuri
31: Aline
30: Agustinho
29: Rodrigão
27: Cássio
25: Marielza (bloody feminists)

Join me next time fo- lol jk I'm not that cruel.

MB. · 10-07-2015, 09:01 PM

I thought this day might come

MB. · 10-07-2015, 09:04 PM

(but yeah this is one way of getting out of this series of BB isn't it)

Shaun · 11-07-2015, 04:09 AM

The Obligatory Revamp
Cast List

Alliances

[Even the simulator knows that Glenn can't make friends]

Week One

[Of course Tom wins the task based on a children's game]

Week Two

[idk maybe I was starstruck by Julie Chen]

Week Three

[always the bridesmaid, MB?]

Week Four

[I personally thought Lucas would have bossed this task.]

Week Five

[Early indications suggest Glenn had to withdraw early after being bitten on the nose by a lobster.]

Week Six

[Again, wayward lobsters are to blame.]

Week Seven

[Because Lucas is just built for physical endurance tasks]

Week Eight

[tbf I haven't been delivering them so far]

Week Nine

[no such lobster drama this week!!!!!]

Week Ten

[Reece was unfortunately distracted by the iTunes release of Pretty Girls this week]

Week Eleven

[I'M IN THE GAME!!!!!!]

Week Twelve

[His determination to avenge Britney/Iggy's flop was a thorough success]

Week Thirteen

[elephants never forget x]

Final HOH

[smh]

Finale

[SMH]

[bet you're used to reading that, Glenn]

Statistics
Most Evictions Faced: Tom (6)
Most competition wins: Chaos (6), Reece (4)
Most Votes to Evict: Tom (17), Vanessa (12)
Fewest Votes to Evict: Shaun (0), Amy Jade, Reece & Chaos (1)
Ugliest eviction outfit: MB.
Most Twitter Followers gained: Petemitch (30,922)
Gays cast: IDK at least five?