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ThisisBigBrother.com - UK TV Forums > Non Big Brother Chat > Chat and Games > Tell us a joke
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:32 PM #101
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I just bought a vintage Rolls Royce, but the budget didn't cover a driver


So I spent all that money, and I've got nothing to chauffeur it.
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:35 PM #102
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My girlfriend get's annoyed when I mess with her Red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she sangria than ever.
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:37 PM #103
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My wife is leaving me because I'm going bald.


I'm not bothered, it's hair loss.
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Old 02-08-2017, 09:41 PM #104
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A female weightlifter goes to the doctors and says "I've been taking steroids and now I've grown a cock"

"Anabolic" says the doctor

"No just a cock!"
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Old 05-08-2017, 12:24 AM #105
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I swallowed a load of scrabble tiles earlier


My next sh1t could spell trouble
Last edited by Alf; 05-08-2017 at 02:14 AM.
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Old 04-09-2017, 05:23 PM #106
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Have you heard about the new 'Elbow' tribute band called 'Arse'?


They're so good, you can't tell them apart.
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Old 06-09-2017, 12:09 AM #107
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My wife said she's kicking me out because of my obsession with Only Fools and Horses.


I said, Ok' I'll fetch the suitcase from the van.
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Old 06-09-2017, 08:46 AM #108
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Did you here about the guy who made up the knock, knock, jokes?

Spoiler:

He won the Nobel Prize
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Spoiler:



Quote:
Originally Posted by GiRTh View Post
You compare Jim Davidson to Nelson Mandela?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus. View Post
I know, how stupid? He's more like Gandhi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14 View Post



Katie Hopkins reveals epilepsy made her suicidal - and says she identifies as a MAN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Livia View Post
Just because she is a giant cock, doesn't make her a man.
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Old 06-09-2017, 06:43 PM #109
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What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:


A stick.
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Old 06-09-2017, 06:47 PM #110
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Hey that's my joke
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GiRTh View Post
You compare Jim Davidson to Nelson Mandela?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus. View Post
I know, how stupid? He's more like Gandhi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14 View Post



Katie Hopkins reveals epilepsy made her suicidal - and says she identifies as a MAN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Livia View Post
Just because she is a giant cock, doesn't make her a man.
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Old 06-09-2017, 06:47 PM #111
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sorry I just love it too much
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Old 06-09-2017, 06:48 PM #112
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alf View Post
howling at this
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Old 22-09-2017, 12:06 PM #113
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I was sat next to a fruit machine addict last night at a gamblers anonymous meeting.


It was awful, he kept nudging me!
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Old 22-09-2017, 12:08 PM #114
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My wife kept going on and on about what she should use the empty drawer for.


Eventually I told her to put a sock in it.
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Old 22-09-2017, 12:14 PM #115
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Apparently David Hasselhoff is changing his name to David Hoff.


He can't be doing with the hassel.
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Old 14-11-2017, 04:45 PM #116
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I walked into a busy pub dressed as a tennis ball


I got served straight away
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Old 15-11-2017, 11:21 AM #117
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Lovin' these, Alfie.
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Old 15-11-2017, 11:23 AM #118
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Why did the Mexican have to take Valium?

For Hispanic attacks
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Spoiler:



Quote:
Originally Posted by GiRTh View Post
You compare Jim Davidson to Nelson Mandela?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jesus. View Post
I know, how stupid? He's more like Gandhi.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Isaiah 7:14 View Post



Katie Hopkins reveals epilepsy made her suicidal - and says she identifies as a MAN
Quote:
Originally Posted by Livia View Post
Just because she is a giant cock, doesn't make her a man.
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Old 19-01-2018, 10:19 AM #119
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Quasimodo walks into bar...

Quasimodo :"Double Whiskey please"
Barman "Bells alright?"
Quasimodo "None of your ****ing business, just get me the drink"
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Old 19-01-2018, 02:08 PM #120
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What is the definition of male foreplay?
You awake?
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Freedom of speech does not protect you from the consequences of saying stupid stuff nor is it a licence to abuse!
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Old 20-01-2018, 08:00 PM #121
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Did you hear about the Star Wars jail film?

Spoiler:

Cool Han + Luke
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Old 20-01-2018, 08:11 PM #122
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Made this one myself: What did the butcher say to the cow?

Spoiler:

Your life is at steak.
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weird ass british language
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