[lostalex]

[Ammi]

2025

[lostalex]

[Ammi]

2027

[lostalex]

[Ammi]

2029

[Kate!]

2031

[lostalex]

2030


i love you Ammi, but i can't keep it up, have a good evening <3

I want to badly to get to a million, i really do :P

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by lostalex

2030


i love you Ammi, but i can't keep it up, have a good evening <3

I want to badly to get to a million, i really do :P

...oh, I just saw this..YOU LIGHTWEIGHT..(I think I'd probably gone to sleep myself..)...I hope you had a good evening/good day as well, Alex....(and we're not far off the million now, just a few more to go..)..


2034

[sooty]

2035

[lostalex]

2032

I'm singing this song for the next 68

Youtube video

[Ammi]

2033

[lostalex]

2036

[sooty]

[sooty]

2038

[Ammi]

2039

[lostalex]

[Ammi]

2041


..morning/afternoon/evening Alex.....

[lostalex]

g'morning

[Ammi]

2043

..how are you today, Alex..are you well..?.

[lostalex]

I'm okay. My brother called me last night and told me that he's relapsed too, he's on heroin though, not alcohol like me, so i'm really worried about him. he even said he's been thinking about suicide. i don't know what i can do, especially because i'm on the other side of the country. It's tough dealing with him, especially since i have my own issues to deal with. It's a huge mess. I'm terrified for him, but he refuses to get any help. My dad and I have already offered to get him into rehab, but he won't go. I feel powerless over my own addiction, and even more powerless over his.

[Ammi]

2045


...aww Alex, that's so tough for you.....is he younger/older..?..

..and I understand how powerless and helpless you feel and how awful that is for you but as sad as it is and as much as you and your dad love him..it wouldn't matter even if you didn't have your own stuff to deal with or whether you lived closer or anything because he has to be somewhere in his mind and heart where he wants to help himself and only he can do it, Alex and I think you know that..but that doesn't stop you feeling how you do, I know....

[Ammi]

..and you're not powerless over your own addiction btw, you just need to find and be in a lace where you feel empowered to deal with it and kick it's ass...you will find your inner goddess...

[lostalex]

Thanks Ammi. And i agree, i'm not powerless, my addiction just wants me to think i am and makes me feel that way sometimes. With my brother, I can only surrender to the fact that it's his struggle, and all i can really do is keep loving him.

(and for the record i don't have an inner Goddess, i have a giant inner Minotaur with a huge bull cock lol)

[Ammi]

2047


..haha at the last bit..

..yeah, you could be there with him and still feel and be just as 'useless' because he has to want to be helped and it's so easy for people to not want that because they would have to face the 'monsters' in their lives and that's so not easy to do even for the emotionally strongest of people..but I do hope that he gets to that place in his life, Alex...

..but I think for the moment though, you can love him and hope he'll feel the energy of that love but you also have to be a bit selfish and think of yourself because you have your own 'monsters' and taking on your brother's as well would just be too much for you...and you're totally right, addictions kind of laugh in your face and taunt you and say 'this is who you are/what you are'..they never like to lose so you have to somehow try to reach that person that you were before the addiction came into your life and show it how strong that person is but also realise how amazing that person is and the addiction won't even stand a chance, it will just start to crumble in the face of that power...

..it's hard because I don't have much knowledge of addictions other than what I read and on places like forums etc of other people's experiences but I do believe in you, Alex...I just don't know how you can get to that place where you need to be...yeah, I feel powerless as well...