[Black Dagger]

Why on earth would anybody vote for Max Stone.

[MB.]

#71



Points: 22
Votes: 2

The eventual winner of this year’s Great Comic Relief Bake Off, Jennifer’s crowning glory surely had to be a Tracey Emin-cum-Edina-Monsoon-inspired ‘Soggy Bottomed Bed Cake’, which was just as amazing as it sounds. It’s no secret that her episode of the show was one of the greatest things to have ever happened ever (in my opinion, of course) (but also in fact), and Jennifer winning the whole thing was the cherry on the icing of the over-elaborate metaphor.

[Ross.]

Marie's write up

[MB.]

#70



Points: 23
Votes: 4

Wahey! In many ways, Cheggers was the unlikely hero of Celebrity Big Brother 15. Occupying the same slot in the booking as fellow “entertainers” Michael Barrymore and Jim Davidson, expectations of Keith were probably lower than Chloe Goodman’s fee and Jeremy Jackson’s morals. Still, somehow he managed to deliver, deflecting Kav’s drunken… Kav-ness with some good old Cheggers grace and decency, as well as forming the greatest coalition this side of Churchill and Attlee: Preggers, a.k.a. the thing that kept you watching in the last week or so of the series. His and Katie Price’s late-game tirade(s) against she-devil Katie Hopkins (thus proving he was far from ‘Switzerland’ – I mean, she could have gotten the flag right for starters) were ultimately part of what gave Pricey the win, and for that, Cheggers, I am forever grateful.

Bet you weren’t expecting a Clement Attlee reference now were you.

[Mitchell]

JOANNA WAS ROBBED

Although Marie and Yvette

[Black Dagger]

Cheggers

[Mitchell]

Keith and Jennifer Both taken so soon

(Edna better be higher)

[reece(:]

Not inferior Keith

[MB.]

#=68



Points: 24
Votes: 3

He wore the same outfit on launch night as he did on finale night. Which is, I suppose, at least proof that he did actually wear clothes at one point. And hey, he won the thing, so I’m sure he must have done something right. That, and standing up to Austin Armagodwhatacunt.

----------

#=68



Points: 24
Votes: 2

“Zach says he is most excited for the money at the end, as he believes he can win the series. Zach was evicted on Day 63 by a 3-0.” Do I need to say anything else about Big Brother Canada 3’s Zach Oleynik? No, I do not. Stick that up your Chop Shop.

[MB.]

#67



Points: 25
Votes: 4

Picture the scene. It’s Celebrity Apprentice 7. Donald Trump is but a twinkle in his father’s eye. The candidates have to advertise some bread (oh The Apprentice). Kenya has created a campaign revolving around how much babies love women’s arses in order to sell her bread. That went down about as well as you’d imagine. Her and her two team members were sent to the final boardroom, where – Twistos Twist alert – Kenya brought up an apparent tweet apparently tweeted by fellow candidate Vivica, which apparently said how apparently old and apparently fat and apparently going through the menopause she was. Vivica denied tweeting this, which is probably the sensible thing to do in that situation, because – Twistos Twist alert – her phone had gone missing. Their version of Claude then checked her feed, where he found the tweet in question. A huge row then broke out, with Vivica accusing Kenya of stealing her phone, an explanation which was generally accepted in order to make things a bit easier for everyone. To cut a long story short (I mean, you could have just gone and watched this on YouTube to save me having to transcribe it, right?), Kenya was fired, as yet another victim of future President von Clownsti-I mean Trump. And that was Kenya Moore.

[Mitchell]

Two people who got less hot as their series went on

[Mitchell]

Originally Posted by MB.

#67



Points: 25
Votes: 4

Picture the scene. It’s Celebrity Apprentice 7. Donald Trump is but a twinkle in his father’s eye. The candidates have to advertise some bread (oh The Apprentice). Kenya has created a campaign revolving around how much babies love women’s arses in order to sell her bread. That went down about as well as you’d imagine. Her and her two team members were sent to the final boardroom, where – Twistos Twist alert – Kenya brought up an apparent tweet apparently tweeted by fellow candidate Vivica, which apparently said how apparently old and apparently fat and apparently going through the menopause she was. Vivica denied tweeting this, which is probably the sensible thing to do in that situation, because – Twistos Twist alert – her phone had gone missing. Their version of Claude then checked her feed, where he found the tweet in question. A huge row then broke out, with Vivica accusing Kenya of stealing her phone, an explanation which was generally accepted in order to make things a bit easier for everyone. To cut a long story short (I mean, you could have just gone and watched this on YouTube to save me having to transcribe it, right?), Kenya was fired, as yet another victim of future President von Clownsti-I mean Trump. And that was Kenya Moore.

Kenya

[MB.]

#66



Points: 27
Votes: 3

According to the list I’ve got here, a woman named Jess Hayes won that Love Island wotsit with something called a Max Morley. They split up very quickly afterwards. Two of you liked her. I’m terribly out of my comfort zone here so I think it’d be best for everyone if we move swiftly on. Yes, let’s.

[MB.]

#65



Points: 28
Votes: 3

Guess who’s back? Back again? Fishbach’s back. Someone tell Troy. More specifically, Stephen returned from Tocantins, where he finished runner-up with a great reputation as a player. Now, all he had to do was keep that reputation up. His response? Lolno. Cambodia didn’t go entirely to plan for Stephen, not making himself particularly popular with the others and having his perhaps-not-best-thought-through plan to vote Joe out fall on deaf ears more than once. Alas, it was him that was voted out. Ah well.

[Mitchell]

Originally Posted by MB.

#66



Points: 27
Votes: 3

According to the list I’ve got here, a woman named Jess Hayes won that Love Island wotsit with something called a Max Morley. They split up very quickly afterwards. Two of you liked her. I’m terribly out of my comfort zone here so I think it’d be best for everyone if we move swiftly on. Yes, let’s.

How on earth did this random woman beat Lumley and Saunders?

[MB.]

#64



Points: 30
Votes: 2

Cami-Li is perhaps best remembered as a walking catchphrase, finger-clicking and yelling and hurtin’ for a squirtin’ her way through her… what, 30 days in the house? Good lord. Anyway, Cami “Camila “Cami “Chola” Li” Figueras” Li’s antics entertained enough of you to get her this far in the ranking. Just as long as she doesn’t swear/threaten acts of violence that I didn’t know were possible as much as she did in her exit interview. Oh, and don’t call her a lesbian either. Sorry Caitlin.

[Lostie!]

Scummi Li

[Mitchell]

Originally Posted by MB.

#64



Points: 30
Votes: 2

Cami-Li is perhaps best remembered as a walking catchphrase, finger-clicking and yelling and hurtin’ for a squirtin’ her way through her… what, 30 days in the house? Good lord. Anyway, Cami “Camila “Cami “Chola” Li” Figueras” Li’s antics entertained enough of you to get her this far in the ranking. Just as long as she doesn’t swear/threaten acts of violence that I didn’t know were possible as much as she did in her exit interview. Oh, and don’t call her a lesbian either. Sorry Caitlin.

How this vile bitch got any votes is beyond me

[MB.]

#=62



Points: 31
Votes: 5

Twins have always had a good enough reputation on Big Brother. Sam & Amanda breezed their way through a slog of a series with not a single nomination between the two of them, Jedward were favourites to win from practically day one, whilst Jack & Joe and K&K also reached the finals of their respective series. And then came Amy “Chippy” Broadbent & Sally “Sausage” Broadbent to completely ruin that reputation. In their 18 days in the house, they feuded with Jade (and got a Wizard of Oz quote wrong in the process), drunkenly threw cups at walls to the red hot fury of… well, just Jack and stormed out of debates because SHE’S GOT A BOYFRIEND!!!!1!!!!1! Naturally, they were evicted as part of the twist that must not be named and possibly had both the most bizarre and the most lulzy eviction reception, i.e. the kind of one Margaret Thatcher may have had if she’d visited a mine in Carlisle and urinated directly down it whilst on an asparagus-only diet. I’m knocking the political references out the park tonight aren’t I? Anyway, Amy & Sally were amazing, case closed. <3

----------

#=62



Points: 31
Votes: 3

Tamal, a.k.a. Hot Tamale, a.k.a. You Know That Bloke Off Bake Off, Well I’d Make His Bottom Soggy a.k.a. Doctor Who (I’d Like to Ram His Stethosco-never mind) was mainly supported because the entire population of Great Britain wanted to shag him. Let’s be upfront about it. He had that perfect balance of looks, charm, wit and rise in his ciabatta to win over an entire nation, which was already united in its (less sexual) love of Nadiya and its burning hatred of Ian. Tamal didn’t win, but he was encouraged to come out, which was sweet. Not as sweet as the tears of a maternal Mary Berry, but still, sweet.

[Mitchell]

Never got the twin love, glad they went when they did tbh

Tamal was fab

[Black Dagger]

Why is Cami Li that high up? Disgusting.

And not Amy and Sally overrating their way in the list.

[Lostie!]

Amy and Sally

[reece(:]

Kenya Moore <33333

Phonegate was iconic

[MB.]

#=59



Points: 32
Votes: 4

Exhibit a: “dya like PUSSAY? Ah luv PUSSAY!” x500
Exhibit b: “Jesus is real, I’m just letting you know”
Exhibit c:

Goddess.

----------

#=59



Points: 32
Votes: 2

My sources tell me that Naomi was one of the stars of this year’s Love Island spectacucrapathon. A latecomer to the show, she was a bit of a SUCH A MANIPULATOR (/Joseph Valente) and was rivals with eventual winner Jess as she wanted his man, Josh. She got him, but what she didn’t get was popularity among her fellow… island mates(?), as you might expect of someone who crashes your party and steals your boyfriend like that. Anyway, some new bloke came in going by the name of Max, who then shacked up with Jess. Naomi then dumped this Josh fellow and tried to go after Max, but got voted about before she had the chance, bless her. Anyway apparently she went after Max’s brother after the show alol. What a woman.

(Love Island are now all out, I believe. It's safe now, guys, come back)

----------

#=59



Points: 32
Votes: 3

They look fun, don’t they? Don’t they look fun? I’m sure they were fun. Although they’re the first Amazing Racers to fall, so I can hardly even imagine what sheer unadulterated fun is still to come. So strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride! There, I think I’ve done a pretty good job of covering the fact that I’ve never seen an episode of this show in my life.

[MB.]

#58



Points: 33
Votes: 2

Another one of that Worlds Apart lot for you now, and one with a nice surname to boot. Worlds Apart featured the rather ill-conceived idea of tribes based on social status, with Lindsey finding herself in the Blue Collar tribe. She ended up disagreeing with most of the men in her tribe, which ultimately led to her downfall as she became the fourth contestant voted out following a re-vote. Oop.