[Mrluvaluva]

NEWS now on Kerry Katona, aka Cocaine Kerry, and that “a bit of Kerry’s nose fell out.”

What it fell out of, we can only guess, but the smart money is on a tin of biscuits or a packet of Iceland Boozie Brownies.

In the News of the World, Dan Wootton sniffs out the truth:

COCAINE addict Kerry Katona failed to realise the horrific damage her drug-snorting is inflicting even when part of her nose FELL OUT in the bathroom.

As she held out the stray bit of nostril in her outstretched hand, fallen Atomic Kitten pop idol Kerry confessed: “I’ve got a hole in the nose ‘cos of the coke. This has just come out.”

All the better to fit a straw into, you may suppose. But the TV star’s “stepsister and closest confidante Pat Ferrier was right there and shocked by what she saw and heard”.

And now the confidante tells the Sunday tabloids about what she saw, confidentially:

“We were in America for our dad’s funeral last year when the hole first started to develop. Kerry was in the bathroom for ages. I’d seen her take the tweezers in and I said, ‘What you doing?’

“She said, ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Then in her hand she’s got this thing that she dragged out of this hole in her nose. It looked like when you get the fat off bacon. I’ve got a strong stomach but that was almost too much.”

If you had to eat any celebrity, Kerry Katona would surely feature pretty high on the list, a kebab-reared mix of bacon fat and alcohol. If the breast implants could come stuffed with a sage and onion mix, all to the good for self-basting Kerry:

“Kerry’s life is out of control now. She IS a drug addict. Her nose IS caving in - I’ve seen it with my own eyes. She needs to get help or she’ll DIE…

Shockingly, Kerry agreed with me. She just turned around and said, ‘I’m going to tell you something Pat. My mum will outlive me. I’ll die young.’ “

And thus Kerry Katona becomes the victim of, well, something. As she tells the Sunday Mirror:

“No one forced me to do it, I’m a grown-up woman and I did it because I was very unhappy at the time and thought it might make me feel better about myself. I have been crying and been at my wit’s end since it happened…

“They [Drugs] don’t make you look cool, they make you look an idiot, and all your insecurities and self-hate - the main reasons I took them in the first place - are only made worse.”

But let’s put the Katona nose in perspective. How big is the hole, and can it be passed off as Kerry’s tribute to Michael Jackson?

The telltale hole in Kerry’s nose is not yet as bad as the cocaine damage infamously suffered by ex-EastEnders star Danniella Westbrook, whose septum - the dividing wall between the nostrils - was almost completely eroded. But stepsister Pat revealed: “The hole has got bigger and has penetrated through to the other side. Kerry can put the end of her glasses into it.”

Disgusting, but useful – and cheaper than a piece of string. It might even be the talent that keeps Kerry at the apogee of the British showbiz movement.

“She’s shown it to people. And it makes this funny whistling sound when she breathes through her nose.”

Life keeps getting better for Kerry. If she can hold a tune then the future is rosy. Onwards and upwards for Our Kerry, then?

“Kerry sees herself having a tragic early death like movie star Marilyn Monroe… Marilyn was one of the most famous women in the world and Kerry’s hardly in her league.”

Fair does. If Kerry dies young she will die young like…can we agree on Minnie The Talc, the woman who used to sit on the bench in the recreation ground shouting at the pigeons and eating frozen pizzas? Or James Dean?

In The People, Kerry Katona’s mum agrees that her daughter is going to die. And then wonders about that hidden camera:

“Only a few people would have had access to her bathroom to put it in there. She thinks she knows who did it and she is raging. She said to Mark, ‘You should have protected me, you shouldn’t have let this happen to me, I’m ruined’.

But this story is as much about Kerry Katona as it is about the video of her snorting cocaine/ anthrax/ bi-polar medication/ Tamiflu or whatever the teddy cam caught her doing. So lest any reader think the NOTW is complicit in a shoddy PR stunt or in cahoots with the Celebrity Police Force, Pat tells us:

“But it would be great if, when that day arrives, she HAS been off the drugs and can tell them this video was the turning point in her life. It could almost be a source of pride.”

And we are proud of the NOTW for giving us one of our Top Ten Kerry Katona Watching Moments.

But what next for Kerry, who has now been dropped by Iceland:

“It was great fun, good money and the people I worked with had become like a second family.”

The squirrel, right? Kerry spent so long with that Iceland squirrel there were fears her children would see it as their father. But dad is Brian McFadden, and he wants the two oldest Kerry kids. Only, as the Star reports:

KERRY KATONA has been thrown a lifeline in her bid to keep her children after hearing her ex-husband’s relationship is in trouble. Former Westlife star Brian McFadden is to launch a custody battle for his daughters following allegations Kerry took cocaine in the family home. But, we can reveal, Brian does not want the girls with him in Australia, partly because his romance with ¬Delta Goodrem, 24, is already strained but also because he doesn’t want their lives to be completely overturned.

Hurrah! Kerry aKtoan’s carrer is dead. But her kids are alive and well. Long live them. Long live the new Kerry Katonas….


Anorak

[Lauren]

I am actually going to vomit if this line is true:

"COCAINE addict Kerry Katona failed to realise the horrific damage her drug-snorting is inflicting even when part of her nose FELL OUT in the bathroom.

As she held out the stray bit of nostril in her outstretched hand, fallen Atomic Kitten pop idol Kerry confessed: “I’ve got a hole in the nose ‘cos of the coke. This has just come out.”"

[Mrluvaluva]

Originally posted by Lauren
I am actually going to vomit if this line is true:

"COCAINE addict Kerry Katona failed to realise the horrific damage her drug-snorting is inflicting even when part of her nose FELL OUT in the bathroom.

As she held out the stray bit of nostril in her outstretched hand, fallen Atomic Kitten pop idol Kerry confessed: “I’ve got a hole in the nose ‘cos of the coke. This has just come out.”"

"“She said, ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Then in her hand she’s got this thing that she dragged out of this hole in her nose. It looked like when you get the fat off bacon. "


"passes Lauren a bowl"

[Marc]

Yay! lets hope she dies

[Jayson]

Yum.

[Harry!]

Kerry is really the lowest celebrity to ever live on this planet.

[gavinh2008]

Urgh that is very vile
Makes me glad that I don't do drugs

[Braden]

[Mrluvaluva]

Apparently she got so coked up after the incident she actually snorted the bit that fell out of her nose back up there.

[Lauren]

I am actually going to vomit.

[Mrluvaluva]

[Dr.Gonzo]

See, in the before time, these 'people' weren't called 'celebrities', they were called 'freak show'.

It isn't actually their fault. There is a space in the market for them. They just fill it. It's the world we live in that dictates the market.

She will probably die soon ... but at least she got on the TV.