[Mrluvaluva]

You know how, sometimes, something will happen in the land of celebrity where one begins from a position of “WTF?”, only to end up at “OMG!!!” seconds later?

There was just such an occurrence this week, as news reached these shores of the latest charitable enterprise to spring up in America: www.restorestephenbaldwin.org.

For those not up to speed with this corner of celebrity, Stephen Baldwin is a man most commonly described as “a Baldwin brother. No, not Alec. Or William. Or Daniel. No, no. Keep goooing. No. None of the successful ones.

Stop! Yes! YES. THAT Baldwin brother! Stephen! The one in The Sex Monster and Shark in Venice (non-shark role)!”

Despite having starred in such surefire bankers, Baldwin has since inexplicably fallen on hard times — finally filing for bankruptcy last year, with debts of more than $2.3 million (£1.5 million). Although it is not in CW’s nature to make sweeping assumptions on how Baldwin could have reached such ruin, it does look at two of his most high-profile recent actions — suggesting that he and Barack Obama have a boxing match “for charity”, and spending his stint on Celebrity Big Brother musing on hypothetical instances where his faith in God might lead to him having to, sadly, sacrifice all his children in a bloodbath — and reflect that it could, possibly, be that it is because Stephen Baldwin is as mad as a bag of hair.

But! Baldwin is a born-again Christian! And they look after their own! Hence the creation of www.restorestephenbaldwin.com — where the born-again community seek to “restore Baldwin publicly, in front of millions”. This is to be done by sympathetic Christians donating cash — the suggested entry sum is $4.21 — “which will increase Stephen’s platform. And God will get all the glory.”

Should your reaction to this appeal to pay off his unpaid federal taxes be along the lines of “Hahaha! Srsly? Go ******* yourself!”, www.restorestephenbaldwin.org has some stern words for you. Having thoughtfully included “actual samples of the persecution” Baldwin has received for being a bankrupt born-again Christian — including “Why can’t he just pray to Jesus for money, the conservative a*******?” — restorestephenbaldwin.org insists that, with such comments: “People not only mock Stephen — they mock God.”

No . . . no. CW’s thought about it. It has thought about it a lot. And it’s definitely just mocking Stephen Baldwin.


Timesonline