[cc100]

Big Brother 7: Hecklerspray Predictions
People are so elitist these days. It's always "ooh, I only watch films with subtitles" or "ooh, I don't abbreviate my text messages" or "ooh, I don't have a shrine to Fearne Cotton which I sit underneath ********** in my own filth."

The same sort of people who claim that they won't be watching Big Brother 7.

Liars.

Starting it's million-week run this Thursday, hecklerspray guarantees that you'll be hooked on Big Brother 7 from the opening minute, the freak-infested Big Brother house holding you in a tangled web of guilty grim fascination.

So - before it all kicks off - we thought we'd take a look at the upcoming series and make a few 'in-the-know' predictions about what Big Brother 7 might hold in store:

- Coming from Essex now mandatory for all contestants

- Late night Big Brother chatter to revolve around the poetry of Rimbaud, extremist existential philosophy, and which of the girls has the biggest breasty-weasts beneath her tight pink top

- Electrical supply to house powered entirely by Dermot O' Leary's sense of self-satisfaction

- Amusing Big Brother 'holocaust' week will engage contestants in all sorts of concentration-camp-themed roleplay

- Assortment of knives readily available for some reason

- Audience at Big Brother eviction nights now legally required to be better-looking

- Button to be pressed every 108 minutes, otherwise something really, really bad happens (that had better be explained soon before everybody gives up and stops watching)

- Extensive in-house book library will not be used much

- Big Brother Contestants to be constantly reminded of chilling pointlessness of existence via endless replaying of Joy Division's Atmosphere

- Big Brother Contestants will be stupid

May 18th, people.

Clear your schedules.

http://www.hecklerspray.com/?p=3126

[BigSister]

- Button to be pressed every 108 minutes, otherwise something really, really bad happens (that had better be explained soon before everybody gives up and stops watching)