[Kaz]

This amazing story's from the C4 official website:

Lost Deposit?

IT is the housemates' responsibility to look after the House and garden and all the contents, according to the rules of Big Brother. However, items were broken, the floor was stained and, despite Alex's best efforts, this property got very dirty indeed. We take a closer look...

State Of The House On Leaving

We spoke to a member of the production team to find out whether the housemates had left their residence in a clean and tidy state. Sadly, nothing could be further from the truth. The place is so filthy "a team of professional cleaners is coming in for two days" to restore it to its former glory. What's more, the vegetables have all died, a filthy pan was stuffed back into the pan cupboard and the tiles in the bathroom are now 'very dirty'.

General filth aside, landlords would not look favourably at the following concerns...

Trashed Microphones

The housemates did not, it seems, treat technology with all due respect. After 64 days four £200 mics were laid waste. Approx ten more were broken by housemates' antics like jumping in the pool or sliding on the grass - one even ended up down the loo! Each time mics had to be sent for repair, the cost was £50. That's a total of £1,300 in breakages!

Broken Freezer

Day 04 dawned and the housemates were anything but chilled to discover the freezer had gone into meltdown. Resourceful Sandy suggested a 'cook off' while PJ and Lee pondered what had led to this culinary crisis. Could it be someone had accidentally bashed a tiny inside switch? "It's gotta be an accident and I bet if we did a rewind, it'd be me!" admitted Alison.

Garden Table & Other Brummie-bashed Items

Big-boned bruiser Alison couldn't resist trying to get a glimpse of the outside world on Day 12. Unfortunately, she and Kate chose to do so by jumping up and down on a garden table. It may have looked sturdy, but under their combined weight the table couldn't hold out for more than a few bounces and it crumpled pathetically to the ground. "Oh man, I broke the table. I'm going to be punished for that," gasped a sorry Alison.

The outside table wasn't all that fell victim to the accident-prone housemate. Spencer probably summed it up best. "Alison: so that's the sofa, the table, the sun lounger and the grey chair!"

Stained Carpet

Kate left a lasting impression on the main bedroom carpet after a bedroom barf in the early hours of Day 61. She'd spent hours drinking the patent House vile punch concoction with Jonny and just couldn't drag herself to the bathroom to puke. Jade heroically tried to clear Kate's floor decoration with bleach, not realising it would replace one smear with another, slightly lighter, one. The next day, the aftermath of their labours was still visible. "I can see the discoloration in the carpet," sniffed an eagle-eyed Alex.

Feathers Everywhere

Open warfare broke out on Day 45 as Jade, Alex, Kate, Jonny and PJ proceeded to smash each other around the face with pillows. Like all good featherweights, Jade proceeded to smash PJ about the face with gusto and her pillow burst, sending a downpour of duck feathers over the bedroom floor. The jollity didn't last. Brush in hand, the housemates had to clear the detritus the next morning. It's our betting there are still a few feathers stuck to the carpet.

Battered Chair

With the combined weight of the housemates, it could only be a matter of time before the mighty musical chairs task of Day 30 ended in disaster. In the battle of the bottoms, Adele and Jade crashed onto the same chair - and the chair crashed to the floor. Big Brother kindly glue it back together, but it was always a little wobbly after that.

Broken Vase

Punch was again to blame on the night of Day 61 when Jade, Jonny and Kate's alcohol-fuelled frolics led to the demise of a House vase.

Flour Shower

In a luxury abode, what's the one concoction you don't want spilled on the carpet? How about a sticky mix of flour, milk, water and porridge oats? Well, that's what hit the floor on Day 36 when PJ and Alex decided to lighten the mood after Sophie's eviction and gang up on Jade into the bargain. Naturally, the slushy, stinking mix made a right old mess with the floor covering and Jade's bed coming out of it the worse for wear.

Unreasonable Noise

The amount of decibels the housemates made was probably enough to breach noise regulations - and to send prospective neighbours scuttling back to their former abodes. Late night rows and pool pandemonium were an almost daily occurrence, and Day 56 aka The Day Of The Big Row was particularly loud. Firstly Alex cranked up the volume, hollering "You can't keep the chasm on the front of your face shut!" to Jade. A few hours on, with the row still rumbling, a furious Jonny bellowed at a the Bermondsey blubberer. The whole of London probably heard him.

Pets Running Wild

Alex loved the chickens so much he only wanted to give them a little taste of freedom. Once let out of the coop, they had the whole garden to scratch in, peck at and poo over. Surely breaking the terms of any tenancy agreement?

After all the carnage and chaos in the House, we're not surprised there's a team of professionals battling to restore it to former glory. As for the housemates, not even the most gullible of landlords would ever return their dosh!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Blimey!!!

I know this year's housemates were <<ahem>> 'boisterous' ...... but what a catalogue of disasters!!

Would you rent any of them a flat after reading this???

[splodge0]

I'm more concerned about the Landlord!

Borrowing furniture, for a start! Poor Aero!

Unable to donate to Charity this year ................ Shame on you!

Poor House mates bored out of their brains! What would anybody do......

How many requests for a vacuum cleaner had they made!!!

They knew how heavy Alison was before they picked her......... NOT her fault!

I could go on but it was all written by some media hack so what do we expect......... Answers in less than four letter words.....

[bananarama]

Sounds just like my neighbours. One of them even looks like Jonny and that's not a joke!!!

[Amy]

Mind you if it was not my house i would do the same Although i could see myself doing an Alex once in a while

[Kaz]

How many requests for a vacuum cleaner had they made!!!

Sorry splodge .... that's no excuse in my book.

At least they had a carpet sweeper - I saw Lee using it during the first couple of weeks. OK he was sitting on his backside on the sofa while he was doing it, but he WAS using it to clean the carpet. I don't think I ever saw it again!!!

[Mairi]

Originally posted by Kaz
At least they had a carpet sweeper - I saw Lee using it during the first couple of weeks. OK he was sitting on his backside on the sofa while he was doing it, but he WAS using it to clean the carpet. I don't think I ever saw it again!!!

I remember laughing at this at the time, Kaz. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

The only other person I remember using the carpet sweeper was Kate.

Last year's housemates were MUCH cleaner and tidier but, as Splodge says, they weren't as bored as this year's. I think there's blame on both sides actually.

Oh come on, everyone, I hope all your replies are as tongue in cheek as the original article! They were there to entertain us, and C4 made enough dosh out of it to clean out the Houses of Parliament (and some might say there's plenty of filth in there).