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Old 04-04-2012, 04:34 PM #1
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Default Game of Thrones–to–English Premier League Converter

This is brilliant

MANCHESTER UNITE HOUSE BOLTON OF THE DREADFORT
The most powerful house in the North. Sinister, ruthless, and brutal, their motto is “Our Blades Are Sharp,” and they will do whatever it takes to win. Sir Alex Ferguson is the cold, calculating Roose Bolton, a leech lover, known to flay those who dare confront him. Wayne Rooney is the ugly Ramsay Bolton, his legitimated bastard son, a creature who delights in violently torturing those around him.

MANCHESTER CITY: THE GOLDEN COMPANY
A legendary force of sellswords, feared as the largest and most expensive mercenary army in the Free Cities. Consisting of infantry, horses, and a number of elephants, their words are their war cry: "Beneath the gold, the bitter steel."

ARSENAL: HOUSE BARATHEON
Not so long ago, they were the Royal House, before being undone by a combination of personnel departures (Renly/Fábregas), long-term injuries, and being gored to death by boars (Jack Wilshere/Robert). The stubborn Arsene Wenger is Stannis — a humorless, brooding man of principle who might dabble in the dark arts to regain the Iron Throne.

TOTTENHAM: HOUSE TYRELL OF HIGHGARDEN
The self-styled Warden of the South committed to chivalry and style. Its motto is “Growing Strong.” Tottenham's leader, Harry Redknapp, is Mace Tyrell, an ungainly man who lacks the wits to succeed at the Game of Thrones. Scottie Parker is Loras Tyrell, the boyishly handsome Knight of the Flowers, who is gifted with a mix of battlefield technique and courteous charisma. Gareth Bale is cunning Margaery Tyrell.

CHELSEA: HOUSE LANNISTER
A team whose grip on power is fueled by riches. The de facto ruler, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich, is Tywin Lannister, a controlling man who always pays his debts but rarely appears happier than when skinning recently slaughtered deer. Fat Frank Lampard is Varys, the eunuch Master of Whisperers. John Terry is Jaime Lannister, a warrior with an unusual sense of what passes for an appropriate sexual partner. Juan Mata is Tyrion, the lovable dwarf. I would like to believe Lady Physio is Sansa — a hostage only there at pain of death.

NEWCASTLE: HOUSE ARRYN
A regional power located around the impregnable St. James Park, akin to The Eerie, that unassailable castle high in the mountains. The tradition-soaked club runs on its lore. Their infatuated fans love their team even more than they love their horns of ale. Most long to dispatch impolitic owner Mike Ashley via the Moon Door. Make the bad man fly!

LIVERPOOL: HOUSE STARK
An ancient and glorious Northern house led by a proud and stubborn king. Kenny Dalglish is 100 percent Ned Stark — a leader comfortable as a warrior, but not a politician. He may well lose his head because of it. Luis Suarez is Theon Greyjoy, a simmering hostage with a cocky smile and arrogant attitude. Andy Carroll is Hodor, a large simpleton, slow of wits, but good at carrying stuff. Anfield is Winterfell, a crumbling seat of power home to legions of loyal denizens and legendary symbols.

EVERTON: THE NIGHT’S WATCH
Their rich history may date back to the Age of Heroes, but with resources now low on the ground, the present-day band are a shabby bunch of misfits with suspect backgrounds. Only a collective commitment to be “the sword in the darkness, the watcher on the walls,” ensures that even the most powerful foes can be routed. Lack of sexual activity is admittedly a team-wide problem. David Moyes is the Old Bear, Leighton Baines the dashing Jon Snow, and Marouane Fellaini is Qhorin Halfhand.

ASTON VILLA: THE FREYS
A noble house populated by a weaselly people whose only asset is their central location. Bitter and constantly suspicious of perceived marginalization, cantankerous President Emeritus Doug Ellis is Walder Frey. Emile Heskey is, of course, Fat Walda.

WIGAN: BRIENNE OF TARTH
Honest, loyal, naive, yet overwhelmingly ugly. Driven by a longing to be accepted as a knight (read: respected English Premier League team) by her peers. Her ability to rebound from terrible physical punishment (losing 5-0 to Manchester United) means she should never be written off.

WOLVERHAMPTON: HOUSE TULLY
A venerable, noble House located in the Midlands whose glory lies in the past. Manager Terry Connor is Edmure Tully, a man so militarily incompetent, the shameful threat of being stripped of their lands looms large.

… and meanwhile, in the Kingdom Across the Narrow Sea …

LEEDS UNITE HOUSE TARGARYEN
Once feared and imperious. Now suffering the agony of wandering exile, fueled by visions of return, revenge, and the reclamation of their throne.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-tr...ague-converter

Liverpool as House Stark

Last edited by Locke.; 04-04-2012 at 05:24 PM.
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