[Ammi]

..'gender neutral parenting'...thoughts..?...


Max Price is a happy, healthy one-year-old boy who spent yesterday morning playing with his vast collection of toy cars, planes, tractors, and dinosaurs.

Dressed in a red checked lumberjack shirt and rust-coloured jeans, he shouted ‘beep beep!’ and giggled with delight while pushing a plastic motorbike around the living room of his family home.

Then, after lunch, a strange transformation occurred.

Max scampered upstairs to his bedroom with his 23-year-old mother, Lisa, and re-emerged several minutes later wearing a dark blue, knee-length dress decorated with pink flamingos.

He swiftly grabbed a blonde-haired doll, sat her in a pink plastic pram, and took her on a short walk, stopping only when it was time to pretend to breastfeed her.

Later in the afternoon, the child collected several more dolls, found a selection of pink toy cups and saucers, and staged an impromptu tea party.

Max, who turns two later this month and lives in Walsall, is being raised according to a radical technique known as ‘gender-neutral parenting’.

It means Lisa and her husband, Martin, 34, encourage him to wear both boys’ and girls’ clothes, and to play with conventionally female – as well as male – toys.

Rather than being worried if he decides not to play football, and asks instead for someone to paint his fingernails with glittery polish, they instead see it as a form of cute self-expression.

‘If Max wants to wear a pink tutu and fairy wings, then he can wear it,’ says Lisa. ‘He’s just expressing himself. I don’t want to put him in a certain box and treat him that way. I want to teach him to be whatever he wants to be. He can pick his own clothes and, as long as they’re warm enough for the winter, I’ll get him whatever he wants.’

Lisa and Martin live with two elder children – Brandon, ten, and Mia, seven – from Martin’s previous relationship, who are raised along more traditional lines. They also share the terraced home with a hamster called Simon, two cats, Tigger and Pixie, and a German Shepherd called Roxy.

Visitors to the bustling home tend to be surprised, but ‘mostly supportive’, of their decision to pursue gender-neutral parenting.

‘You get the odd funny look, and a bit of hostility, but once we explain how we are bringing our son up, and why, people tend to understand,’ says Lisa

‘I hope that Max won’t get teased when he’s older. But part of what we are trying to do with Max is to instil such a sense of confidence, and a sense of who he is, that he won’t care what anyone else thinks.’


Lisa, a full-time housewife, took the decision to allow Max to identify as either a girl or a boy 12 months ago, after seeing high-profile rape cases being discussed on parenting websites. ‘Gender stereotypes can be so damaging


‘They teach little boys to be aggressive and dominant over women,’ she argues. ‘There’s research out there saying that the whole “boys will be boys” thing basically teaches lads that it’s OK to be a certain way, because it’s in their nature to be aggressive. It’s detrimental for them and for females.’

The decision was fully supported by Martin, an unemployed courier. ‘I think my husband is more of a feminist than I am,’ she says. ‘His biggest concern about the whole thing is usually “does Max have the right shoes to go with that dress!”’

Martin, for his part, adds: ‘My parents told me that I played with my sister’s dolls as a child and it doesn’t bother me. I can’t see why it would bother anyone.’

They are adamant that Max has thrived under the gender-neutral regime, pointing out that he is able to string three or four-word sentences together, and is ‘almost’ potty-trained.


The concept of gender-neutral parenting first became popular among feminists in America during the 1970s, when it inspired the actress Marlo Thomas to write a best-selling children’s book called Free To Be… You and Me. Recently, it has experienced a small revival

In 2011, a Canadian couple made headlines after refusing to reveal the gender of their new-born child Storm in what they called ‘a tribute to freedom and choice’.

The following year, a Cambridgeshire couple, Beck Laxton and Kieran Cooper, revealed they were raising their child Sasha as gender neutral to allow his or her ‘real personality’ to shine through.

In normal circumstances, Max would be required to start wearing gender-specific clothes when he starts at school. However Lisa and Martin have a contingency plan that will allow him to continue dressing as he pleases.

‘We’re planning on home educating Max,’ says Lisa, who was herself home-schooled. ‘However, if he does eventually choose to go to school, and wants to wear a girl’s uniform, I certainly won’t stop him.’

She adds: ‘It doesn’t matter if he’s homosexual, bisexual, transsexual or asexual as far as I’m concerned. I didn’t give birth to him to say “I’m only going to love you if you’re this way”. I love him for who he is.’





http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...ggressive.html

[Ammi]

Youtube video

[Jords]

fgs

[lostalex]

there's no such thing as boys clothes and girls clothes, or boys toys and girls toys.

It sounds like a fascinating experiment. It can't be any more damaging than "traditional" parenting, which already leads to the violence, rape, and murder rates we have in society now.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by lostalex

there's no such thing as boys clothes and girls clothes, or boys toys and girls toys.

It sounds like a fascinating experiment. It can't be any more damaging than "traditional" parenting, which already leads to the violence, rape, and murder rates we have in society now.

What about the "traditional parenting" that leads to none of the above, can we have a round of applause for that?

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Cherie

[/B]

What about the "traditional parenting" that leads to none of the above, can we have a round of applause for that?

I don't think we should congratulate people just for NOT doing horrible things.

That's like saying we should give a round of applause to a man just for NOT beating his wife. You don't deserve praise for just being a decent human being.

Maybe i deserve a round of applause for brushing my teeth this morning. lol

[AnnieK]

I'm not sure about this...surely it will lead to more confusion in the child? I can get allowing him to play with "girls" toys but I'm not sure about dressing him in girls clothes. Children need to determine their own identity and self awareness. The sentiment is good I think, most parents love their children unconditionally regardless of sex, future sexual orientation etc.

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I'm not sure about this...surely it will lead to more confusion in the child? I can get allowing him to play with "girls" toys but I'm not sure about dressing him in girls clothes. Children need to determine their own identity and self awareness. The sentiment is good I think, most parents love their children unconditionally regardless of sex, future sexual orientation etc.

in many parts of the world wearing a dress or skirt is not masculine or feminine...scotland, africa, asia, the middle east, the pacific... they all have traditional male clothes that we'd consider a dress or skirt.

[Nedusa]

This kid isn't going to be mixed up or confused as to his/her sexuality at all. Hopefully the presence of genitals may help this child decide what gender he/she is..

I wish parents like this would stop experimenting with their children for their own personal ends. This child could be permanently emotionally damaged due this ridiculous PC nonsense

Whatever next...???

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Nedusa

This kid isn't going to be mixed up or confused as to his/her sexuality at all. Hopefully the presence of genitals may help this child decide what gender he/she is..

I wish parents like this would stop experimenting with their children for their own personal ends. This child could be permanently emotionally damaged due this ridiculous PC nonsense

Whatever next...???

what evidence do you have for your conclusions? or are you just reacting based on stereotypes?

There are plenty of emotionally damaged people who grew up being forced to play with certain toys and forced to wear certain clothes, so how is it any different?

I think the parents saying to the child that what toys you play with and what clothes you wear are NOT important is a much better message to teach a child than the parents who force a child to only play with certain toys or wear certain clothes based on a bigoted society's norms.

[lostalex]

I think all the people criticizing these parents should watch the movie Billy Elliot.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by lostalex

what evidence do you have for your conclusions? or are you just reacting based on stereotypes?

There are plenty of emotionally damaged people who grew up being forced to play with certain toys and forced to wear certain clothes, so how is it any different?

I think the parents saying to the child that what toys you play with and what clothes you wear are NOT important is a much better message to teach a child than the parents who force a child to only play with certain toys or wear certain clothes based on a bigoted society's norms.

what evidence do you have to support your belief that "traditional parenting" turns people into murderers and rapists, if you look into the backgrounds of some serial killers it is sometimes the case that their upbringing has been far from traditional! so bang goes that theory. There are good and bad people in the world, some bad parents will end up turning out fantastic adults and some good parents will have offspring who turn out to be evil bastards.

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Cherie

what evidence do you have to support your belief that "traditional parenting" turns people into murderers and rapists, if you look into the backgrounds of some serial killers it is sometimes the case that their upbringing has been far from traditional! so bang goes that theory. There are good and bad people in the world, some bad parents will end up turning out fantastic adults and some good parents will have offspring who turn out to be evil bastards.

i never claimed to have evidence, that's why all i said was, it can't be any worse than what parents do now...

[Benjamin]

I don't see the big issue here. Everybody has different ways of parenting, and that is their choice; whether people believe it to be incorrect or not their opinion really doesn't mean too much, especially considering how often the "best" ways to raise your children change all the time (half the time contradicting the "best" ways in time gone by).

[Marc]

Odd

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Benjamin

I don't see the big issue here. Everybody has different ways of parenting, and that is their choice; whether people believe it to be incorrect or not their opinion really doesn't mean too much, especially considering how often the "best" ways to raise your children change all the time (half the time contradicting the "best" ways in time gone by).

.

The parents are doing what they consider to be in the best interests of the child, end of the day he is 1, by the time he is 3 he may have a very different view of being dressed in fairy wings and dresses or he may not, there is a long road ahead for them either way with lots of good and bad decisions to be made. No parent gets it absolutely right all the time and if they tell you they do don't believe them!

[Niall]

I kind of really like this idea. The gender binary creates so many awful issues within society so to see people trying to tackle it within their own families is kind of wonderful to me. Not to mention that it gives the child as much room as possible to express themselves; there's no pressure on them to be the ideal boy or girl. It's a great way of doing things I think.

[Kyle]

Well I was brought up with Action men, hornby train sets and football tops. I wonder when I will start raping women and beating up pensioners.

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Kyle

Well I was brought up with Action men, hornby train sets and football tops. I wonder when I will start raping women and beating up pensioners.

What does anything you said have to do with this topic?

That's like saying "well i smoke and don't have cancer, so why are so many people saying that smoking causes cancer?"

Forcing gender roles, especially hyp[er-masculine roles on children is damaging, and i would argue the school shootings in the US have a lot to do with reinforcing hyp[er masculine gender roles on males, because thane they can't live up to them, they feel the need to make those kind of hyper masculine actions to prove how powerful and dominant they are. They are frustrated , they are told that in order to be a "real man" they have to be dominant and aggressive. Most of them are young men who feel emasculated by society, told that they aren't real men because they aren't dominant enough. They only feel the need to be masculine to begin with because society tells them that being masculine means being aggressive and violent and dominant.

I don't think there's anything wrong with telling boys that you don't have to be hyper masculine to be a REAL MAN>

just like there's nothing wrong with telling girls that it's okay to be confident and assertive to be a REAL WOMAN>

[Kyle]

Originally Posted by lostalex

What does anything you said have to do with this topic?

That's like saying "well i smoke and don't have cancer, so why are so many people saying that smoking causes cancer?"

No it isn't. There's scientific evidence to correlate smoking with lung cancer. If you have scientific evidence that says that says rape and violence in society is the result of your interpretation of "traditional parenting" then put it forth.

[Nedusa]

Originally Posted by lostalex

what evidence do you have for your conclusions? or are you just reacting based on stereotypes?

There are plenty of emotionally damaged people who grew up being forced to play with certain toys and forced to wear certain clothes, so how is it any different?

I think the parents saying to the child that what toys you play with and what clothes you wear are NOT important is a much better message to teach a child than the parents who force a child to only play with certain toys or wear certain clothes based on a bigoted society's norms.

Oh please...... Gender identity is important to a child , it was a thousand years ago and still will be in a thousand years time.

If he is a boy then please do not try and treat him like a girl and vice versa...

We have no right to mess with children's heads like this.. It is thoughtless and irresponsible....

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Kyle

No it isn't. There's scientific evidence to correlate smoking with lung cancer. If you have scientific evidence that says that says rape and violence in society is the result of your interpretation of "traditional parenting" then put it forth.

well we have evidence that doing things the same way for the past 100 years causes all of the problems we have in society today. right?

society today is based on what parents have "traditionally" been doing... right?

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Nedusa

Oh please...... Gender identity is important to a child , it was a thousand years ago and still will be in a thousand years time.

If he is a boy then please do not try and treat him like a girl and vice versa...

We have no right to mess with children's heads like this.. It is thoughtless and irresponsible....

but boys and girls, especially at the ages BEFORE puberty, have no differences. it is all influence. And don't you think it can be damaging to teach boys that they SHOULD be aggressive and violent. Telling boys that being aggressive is part of being a boy, and if you are not aggressive you aren't a "real man".... You don't see how that can be damaging? really?

[Ammi]

'I hope that Max won’t get teased when he’s older. But part of what we are trying to do with Max is to instil such a sense of confidence, and a sense of who he is, that he won’t care what anyone else thinks.’


..that to me seems a contradiction because I can see that Max will almost certainly get teased and it’s very difficult to instil confidence in a child who is being teased, when we’re very young ‘fitting in’ is very important to us..it’s their decision of course but I really wonder if they’re thinking it all through and whether it really is in the best interests for Max or just something they want to try out...I’m really not sure about this at all..I think as people we tend to associate things with memories/good experiences/bad experiences etc and if Max gets badly teased because of his parent’s decision to do this and that makes him terribly unhappy, then rather than it help him to grow up to not have prejudices and intolerances etc, it could actually do the exact opposite because cross-dressing etc could evoke painful memories and unhappiness...?...hopefully we get to a stage in our lives when we don't care what anyone else thinks, but that stage is not when we're a young child...just playing devil’s advocate...

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Ammi

'I hope that Max won’t get teased when he’s older. But part of what we are trying to do with Max is to instil such a sense of confidence, and a sense of who he is, that he won’t care what anyone else thinks.’


..that to me seems a contradiction because I can see that Max will almost certainly get teased and it’s very difficult to instil confidence in a child who is being teased, when we’re very young ‘fitting in’ is very important to us..it’s their decision of course but I really wonder if they’re thinking it all through and whether it really is in the best interests for Max or just something they want to try out...I’m really not sure about this at all..I think as people we tend to associate things with memories/good experiences/bad experiences etc and if Max gets badly teased because of his parent’s decision to do this and that makes him terribly unhappy, then rather than it help him to grow up to not have prejudices and intolerances etc, it could actually do the exact opposite because cross-dressing etc could evoke painful memories and unhappiness...?...hopefully we get to a stage in our lives when we don't care what anyone else thinks, but that stage is not when we're a young child...just playing devil’s advocate...

Teaching a child that they should repress themselves just so they don't get bullied is horrible though.

We should be trying to alter the behavior of the bullies, not the behavior of the kids that are being bullied.

Don't you agree?