[erinp5]

The Secret Housemate: the wildest theories so far


Even though a mere 72 hours have passed since Chris rose without trace to the power throne, it seems hard to remember what the house was like before; such is the housemates’ limitless appetite for a good (or very bad) conspiracy theory.

The simple and reasonable answers have been left far behind as paranoia has set in and the housemates are now flailing around in the dark like a group of hyper Yvette Fieldings.

Here are their wildest theories, so far:

Theory: Pauline has convinced herself and, inevitably, quite a few others that there is another secret house somewhere sinisterly influencing events.

Accuracy: Pauline’s so far wide of the mark, she could probably high-five Toya in space.



Theory: Jale is cryptically telling anyone who will listen that the secret power housemate keeps touching their nose.

Accuracy: She’s right on the, er, nose with this one because seems to have sniffed out Chris’ tell.



Theory: At one surreal point Chris suggested to Steven that poor old Tamara had been nominating them from beyond the grave, so to speak.

Accuracy: Brilliant rubbish from Chris, who is fast over taking Sir Daniel Day-Lewis as Britain's most important theatrical talent.



Theory: Matthew, who has been the one voice of reason, had a moment of weakness and posited the idea that you the public were responsible.

Accuracy: Not far off, as you lucky people have had a chance to help Chris out on his clandestine mission.