[kirklancaster]

Another thread by Luke B on ‘Favourite Quotes’ had me recalling – not only my favourite quote – but also the memorable character responsible for it:

“I stink, therefore I am” --Rene In Decart – 1944 to 2013.

Rene was an English tramp and Park Bench Philosopher who sadly passed away on December the 20th 2013 at the age of 69 (his favourite position).
Rene was often to be found mounted on his soapbox in Speaker’s Corner, Hyde Park, lecturing on the rights of ‘Really Ugly Lonely Gay Men’ to have boyfriends – or as Rene himself liked to put it; ‘Campaigning For The Rights Of The Homoless’.

He also wrote numerous essays on the necessity of preserving London’s Architecture - usually in bright red spray paint across the facades of Listed Buildings - and was a tireless campaigner for the preservation of wildlife -- as a peek at the things moving around inside his underwear would have attested.

Always a controversial character Rene was once arrested for wasting police time after he reported a charitable local resident who offered him a ‘hot bath and a soapy flannel’, for threatening behaviour.

In 20011 Rene appeared briefly on the BBC’s ‘Question Time’ and had a huge number of his ‘down and out’ supporters in the audience (there were plenty of seats because for some strange reason no one wanted to sit next to them). After being told during the ’warm up’ just before the show went live:”not to let the lights and cameras ‘throw’ them”, the show had to be abandoned when Rene and his supporters proceeded to throw the lights and cameras – at the panel.

Rene later insisted that it was; “the lights and cameras fault” because “their presence had deliberately ruined a peaceful protest and gotten it a bad press”.

Rene is credited with coming up with the idea of helping the unfortunate in life to “help themselves” , when he discovered how to get in to the compound of United Paper Products Ltd. and steal huge drums of uncut tissue paper , which he would take ‘under the arches’ and cut into large squares before sharing them out equally.

This is why Rene and his pals could be found on the streets selling ‘The Big Tissue’ to passer by’s.

Rene admitted to once trying shoplifting but said he gave up because the shop was too heavy and wouldn't budge.

His death on December the 20th 2013 from hypothermia whilst sleeping ‘under the arches’ of Waterloo Bridge, caused a storm of protest and a near riot by his supporters, who declared Rene a ‘martyr’ and hailed his passing as a classic example of the Tory Government’s unfair, draconian, and inadequate Benefits policies.

His closest friend – fellow vagrant and Park Bench Philosopher Sigmund ‘Benefits’ Fraud, told a reporter;

“That fecking Cameron and his cronies done for poor old Rene. If they’d have given him a proper amount of money to live on Guvennor, he could’ve bought his nightly bottle a whisky, and his daily 6 bags a heroin, and still ‘ad sumfink left to pay for a night in a Bed ‘n Breakki hostel. It’s the rich wot get the loot in life, ‘n the poor wot gets the blame.”

Another friend, well know Asian radical, Mustapha Giro, commented:

“No one knows how selfless Rene really was. I mean, well... He spent a lot of his benefits money on Sick Animals. I mean... Well... Those Horses and Greyhounds must have been ill or something to keep coming last. Right?”

Rene InDecart – Tramp, Political Activist, Park Bench Philosopher, all round decent human being, was unknowingly a conservationist and saving trees, right up to the very end, as he was laid to rest in the very cardboard box which had been his bed for so long.

RIP. Rene – but you won’t be missed, for there are thousands just like you.