[Romantic Old Bird]

Now, I know this is a time for international understanding and sweeping away prejudice and national stereotypes, and no harm is intended, OK?


SUBJECT: COWS

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them. They eat all your crops.

CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
You have two cows. The Palestinians have six cows. The Palestinians don't like your cows grazing on their land, they say. They send in a suicide cow that kills one of your cows. You send in your bull to clear out their attack cows so your cows can be safe. Their bull retaliates. Your bull tramples him and several Palestinian cows that were caught in the open. CNN makes $Millions reporting on all the carnage.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don't know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You turn them loose in the Afghan "countryside" and they both die. You blame the godless American infidels.

A CANADIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Your dairy operation is productive, and you sell 80% of the milk to the US market. The American government decides that you are taking advantage of federal subsidies to dump milk on the market below cost, and slaps you with 25% "countervailing" duties, to protect the interests of the above-mentioned American Corporation.
Angered and enraged in typical polite Canadian fashion, you cheer as the Canadian hockey teams beat the American teams and win Olympic gold. You wave the Maple Leaf a bit, and then apologize for the outburst and get back to milking your cows.

A CHRISTIAN
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

A COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best looking one.

HUNGARIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, grazing somewhere in the puszta. You get hold of them, butcher them to the sound of czy´rdas violins and popping wine corks, singing along. The cows are fried and cooked, delivering premium gulyas. After a week of heavy mulyatsag partying, you blame the Austrians for having stolen your cows.

EUROPEAN UNIONISM:
You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

UNITED NATIONISM:
You have two cows. France vetoes you from milking them. The United States and Britain veto the cows from milking you. New Zealand abstains.

[LEE]

ROB, thank you for making me laugh out loud

[Janette]

Brilliant ROB, love it!

[jbellemeg]

Brilliant ROB.


Were you by any chance a little bored today??????

Very funny.
Well done.
Makes a change to be able to laugh at the worlds stupidity.

[Mairi]

Very funny and also very clever, ROB.

Thank you for sharing them with us.

[Kaz]

Absolutely hilarious, ROB. Thanks for these.

EUROPEAN UNIONISM:
You have two goats. The EU declares them to be fruit in order to conform to a rare Belgian custom of making Cow Jam (jam being required to have at least 45% fruit).

Love this one - judging by some of the crazy rulings the EU make, it could well be true.

[Sticks]

Could that one be inspired by the EU directive that has classified the Carrot as a fruit, because anoth EU Directive only allows fruit to be used in Jam making, and in Portugal they have a delecacy called Carrot Jam

(Anyone got the recipe for that)

The world is all