[Z]

Queen Josei Lezsister surveyed the bleak grey castle rising ahead of her with a face as unreadable as Mokkajava's handwriting after she'd been on another binge. She rode beside her husband, the great King James of House Banthemall. With them were her children, Gypsygoffrey, Tømmen and Smithyrcella and an enormous procession of knights of the realm. The road north was near enough deserted; everyone was on their best behaviour as they feared the almighty power of their King and Queen. They were to discuss matters with Nate Stark and his wife, lady Caitlin, regarding the safety of the kingdom. The exiled Swan Princess, Rose McGowan of House Targayformen was rumoured to be amassing an army to be reckoned with and they needed to plan ahead for the impending war.

Queen Josei had heard all about Nate Stark from her husband who admired the man as a fellow compatriot of war. She had not been Queen when James and Nate had stormed the TiBB Towers and slain the Mad King Mark; but her twin sister Niamhie Lezsister had been - the Kinglayer they'd called her, she'd sexed the king to death. Their father, the tyrant Lezsister had married her off to James Banthemall to unite their houses and bring the Lezsisters into the fold; though the marriage had been an unhappy one. She mulled over her thoughts as they approached the gates of the castle and decided to put them to the back of her mind for now.

---

Rose McGowan stared wistfully at the waves lapping the shore. Her clothes were filthy and her husband, Khal Novo, was busy teaching another twink a lesson for defying him. She was the Swan Princess, bound one day to become the Swan Queen, but the usurpers James Banthemall and Josei Lezsister had conspired to exile her to the land of the banned in the east. Every so often they encountered ghouls who had been doomed to roam these lands for eternity - horrible creatures that shrieked battle cries that sounded oddly like names to Rose's untrained ears - Stacey! Salman! Setanta! - but she understood none of these barbarian languages - words like "football" and "sport" cropped up a lot but she had no idea what they meant. She yearned for the days when she could speak the native filthy tongue that her daddy, the bear Dom Top of House Targayformen had taught her - filthy bottom bitches know best, Rose - she could hear him now, she could see his face even, all handlebar moustached and adorned with sunglasses and a slutty policeman's uniform.

She would return to TiBB one day and reclaim her rightful place in her homeland, she had vowed, but the months and years had crept up on her and she feared that time was running out.

---

Shaun Snow was bloody freezing. They'd had him standing at this flimsy gate at the foot of the garden for hours now, shooing away wild things from the freshly painted wood.

"My son, this is a noble task, carried out by generations of my kin for centuries," Nate Stark had told him.
"But I'm not your kin, I'm a bastard!" Shaun had angrily shouted at his father.
"You will not talk to my husband in that way!" Lady Caitlin had thundered and Shaun Snow had cowered away from her.
"Butch dyke." He muttered as they walked away. He was a bastard, only half as fierce as his brothers and sisters, he would never truly be one of them. He looked sad as his uncle Benjamin approached him from the rear, taking him by surprise.
"Uncle Benjamin!" Shaun cried out in pleasure.
"Call me daddy," Benjamin responded quietly, acknowledging his paternal role in Shaun Snow's life in lieu of Nate's own lack of responsibility.
"Yes daddy!" Shaun's willingness was plain for all to see, earning a disgusted look from Lady Caitlin.
"Boy, I want to take you over the wall." Benjamin exclaimed.
"Yes, take me anywhere! I'll do whatever you want!" Shaun had tears in his eyes.
"Good, then I shall ride you over the wall at the break of dawn." Ben pulled away and walked off, leaving Shaun breathless with excitement.

"Nate, I'm all for Shaun Snow and your ****ing brother to leave, but what of the Lezsister woman and the King? They've been here for days - I saw MTVyrioN Lezsister put his banhammer somewhere I dare not mention and his sister Niamhie Lezsister is so arrogant I could cut a bitch." She dared not mention her feelings towards the children - Gypsygoffrey and Smithyrcella in particular made her feel like a Monster in her own Haus, it was driving her GaGa.
"My lady Caitlin, we must be patient. They'll be on their way soon enough... but I'm afraid I must accept the Hand job that King James has offered me."
"Nate, you know this is madness, that Hand job will kill you!"
"I can't refuse, he's the King - and it's still the Hand job, it would be a great honour to receive this from the King." Nate couldn't hide the faint smile playing on his lips.
"You listen to me Nate Stark - I am no fool - that Hand job will change our lives forever, it will be the death of you, our marriage; our children will never be the same again and it will evoke the wrath of Queen Josei - she may be a Lezsister but she does not want the King to give you the Hand job!" Caitlin's words were heavy with dread.
"I must - it's my duty." Nate gave his final word on the matter. "Now I must leave, my King needs me."

---

to be continued...?

[Shaun]

[Z]

I refuse to believe you read all of that in one minute but ty

[Kizzy]

I read it but I'm not in it so I hate it...


(jk it's great well done x)

[Shaun]

Originally Posted by Z

I refuse to believe you read all of that in one minute but ty

you know by now that everyone scans for their own inclusion and then replies with a worship emoji before reading it

[Niamh.]

brilliant

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Shaun

you know by now that everyone scans for their own inclusion and then replies with a worship emoji before reading it

I actually read it all

[Natalie.]

I love it

[Jessica.]

That's brilliant.

[Z]

TY everyone

[T*]

Omg

[T*]

Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.

IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.

I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.

I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.

Sincerely,
-Tøm

[T*]

lol jk

[Firewire]

okay...

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

this is amazing

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Tøm

Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.

IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.

I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.

I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.

Sincerely,
-Tøm

[Tom4784]

Giving everyone GoT inspired names and leaving Scott as Rose McGowan is an inspired touch.

[Glenn.]

Perched for rose to fly into the lounge on Marshgos back

[Mokka]

Oh please please please please.... Pleeeease continue it

[T*]

Originally Posted by Firewire

okay...

Originally Posted by Rose McGowan

omg do you not get the reference?
goodbye

[Josy]

Omg this is fantastic Zee MOAR!


Tom creeping around the forum and pasting posts from years ago?

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Tøm

Well, Gregory, I have to say that this is quite a fantastic story. But there is one problem I'm having with it.

IT'S NOT YOUR ****ING STORY.

I don't know who you are or how you've found this, but this story was completely, 100% written by ME and NOT YOU. To all the people who have been reading, I would just like to say that Z has completely plagiarized this entire story, word for word, from me, without my permission, and is passing it off as her own writing.

I find this to be the biggest insult imaginable, especially when I have worked so hard coming up with these characters and storylines all on my own. I do not appreciate my work being stolen and I ask you to stop posting this, right now.

Sincerely,
-Tøm

Zamanda

[Z]

"Ser Josiah, bring me my fagon eggs," Rose McGowan lazily gestured towards her prized eggs. Josiah sashayed over to the rainbow coloured trunk and minced his way back to the Khaleesi.
"Khaleesi, these fagons will never be born, the world has long been rid of such flamboyant creatures," Ser Josiah began, but he was cut off by the Swan Princess.
"I am Rose McGowan, the one day Swan Queen, I command armies and the dancefloor when I step in the room - these fagons shall rise one day and I will be their fag mother!" Rose said fiercely. The witch Kizzy Maz Duur had argued Khal Novo to death and a funeral pyre had been set up to kill her. Ser Josiah and the Swan Princess both had massive tents but they left them behind, forgotten, as they looked upon the scene. One of her faithful soldiers handed her a flaming torch.

"Good night my sweet prince," she kissed Khal Novo on the forehead, before turning to the witch. "You will burn in hell for eternity for what you did to my beloved."
"" the witch replied.
"Away with you and your dark magic!" Rose declared, stepping away from the pyre and setting it ablaze. She looked at her fagon eggs and a thought occurred to her.
"Ser Josiah, pass me my fagon eggs!"
Josiah did as he was told this time, and Rose picked one of them up. This one was dark purple in colour with pink swirls lightly dusted across the surface. She couldn't help but admire its b- SHE THREW IT IN THE FIRE!!!! AND THE OTHER TWO AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!

The witch Kizzy Maz Duur screamed as she burnt at the stake, but her squeals were drowned out by the ominous sound of cracks (lol) as three baby fagons were born from the ashes. Ser Josiah gasped, and said "gasp!", and Rose McGowan stared in wonder as her three children were born.

"Moootherrrrrrrrr!" simpered the first.
The second merely stared at her, a malice behind its eyes.
"IYERRRRR!" shrieked the third.

"Khaleesi..." Ser Josiah backed away, unable to find the words.
"My children... they are born... I shall name them Firewiria, LeatherTrumpetos and Lucarion" Rose's eyes lit up as her three fagons minced through the flames towards her.

---

"You are men of the night now. You serve only as men of the night, you swear no allegiance to any other house but ours. You will not love, you will not bear children, you will not marry. You have left your old life behind. You will live out the rest of your days here and you will do as you are told. Do you understand me?" Grand Pimpster Marshmont said, twirling a cane. He jabbed it at Shaun Snow's chest.
"You're worth more than all the rest of them combined, Snow, you know what I'll get for the likes of you? Hundreds!"
Shaun Snow tried his best to not cry again but it was hard not to - his uncle Benjamin had sold him into sex slavery - how would he ever get home? He thought about his brother Locke Stark, his father's ward Brother Leon Greyjoy, his sisters Saphsa and aristya Stark, and his little brothers LemonBran and Patrickon Stark. He wondered if he'd ever see them again and if they would miss him or if he really was condemned to the life of a bastard ***** with no family and no hope. He was abruptly snatched from his thoughts as Marshmont pimp slapped him. Shaun fell to the ground.

"You wear nothing, Shaun Snow."

Shaun Snow shivered as the Grand Pimp stripped her of her dignity.

---

Josei Lezsister and her twin sister Niamhie were having a hot make out sesh in a tower when the little lord, LemonBran, walked in on them.
"Aw ****e ye cannae fockin' dae 'at!" Josei barked, frightening LemonBran.
"What did ye feckin' see boy?" Niamhie grabbed LemonBran by the scruff of the neck.
"I-I saw nothing, your lezzyships!" LemonBran stammered, terrified.
"Chuck him oot the fockin' windae Nimah!" Josei ordered.
"The thangs I do fer love!" Niamhie sighed, before throwing LemonBran out of the castle window.
"Ohhh noooooooo..." LemonBran wailed as he fell to the ground.

---

Lady Caitlin had barely left her son's side. It had been nearly a week and although LemonBran was still alive, he had been horribly disfigured by the fall - she feared he may never walk again. An assassin had even attempted to kill the boy, and with nobody but her son Locke around to help, she felt helpless. Nate had ridden south with the King's party and had taken the girls with him - Saphsa looked forward to life in the capital, aristya did not want to Live Life in the Fast Lane but Nate had insisted on taking them both away from the troubles of the north. She couldn't help but worry that the girls would be involved with the King's Hand job and hoped and prayed that Nate wouldn't let them be corrupted by the experience. She knew she had to ride south and tell him what was on her mind, but her mad sister, Lady Lilysa of the Vale, was distracting her with claims that the royal family had killed her husband. Caitlin supposed that she could travel south on the pretext of telling her husband this information and subtly hint that she didn't want her daughters to experience the King's Hand job at the same time. She had a funny feeling that the Queen's brother, the chump, MTVyrioN Lezsister, had something to do with all of this - but that's only because he liked cricket - there had to be something wrong with him, right?

---

MTVyrioN Lezsister had travelled north to see the men of the night for himself. It had been a while since he'd lain with anyone and he wanted to sample the delicacies that Grand Pimp Marshmont had to offer. His eyes fell upon Shaun Snow and a smirk played on his lips.

"Now what is the bastard son of Nate Stark doing in a place like this?" He asked.
"I brought him here myself, my lord." Benjamin Stark bowed his head.
"Oh please, spare me the titles, Gaylord will do." MTVyrioN laughed.
"As you wish, Gaylord. Would you like to be the first to put your foot in this fresh Snow?"
"A moment or two alone would be nice, yes."

Shaun looked like he had post traumatic stress disorder before MTVyrioN closed the door but was surprised when the chump turned around and asked him to be seated and poured them both a drink.
"My dear Shaun Snow, I am not going to rape you. I merely came here to see what all the fuss was about, I have no interest in being the first to violate you - my brother in law, the King, holds your family dear and no matter how much of a bastard you are, that means something to me. I bring you terrible news - your brother, LemonBran, has been in a terrible accident and I fear he may never walk again. You may have a lot in common with him, come to think of it, if you're sold to the wrong man." MTVyrioN chuckled.
"No!" Shaun shouted. "Not LemonBran! I need to see him! I need to go home!"
"You know nothing, Shaun Snow. You can't leave here, you belong to the men of the night now. There is no escape. I could pass on a message if you'd like?"
"Tell him... tell him I love him and I miss him and I'm a prisoner of the men of the night and I'm afraid that they're going to violate me a-" Shaun began, but the chump cut him off.
"Please, my memory is short and so am I. I'll pass on what little of your message I can remember. Enjoy the wine, it may be your last for some time." MTVyrioN patted Shaun Snow on the back. "Don't look so sad, it could be worse! I'm not sure how, but I'm sure it could. Good day to you!" The chump sauntered from the room and left Shaun Snow shaking in a flood of tears.

---

Who would do this to my son? Nate Stark paced the room worriedly. He had been terrible at the Hand job so far and the King was not best pleased. The Queen looked pretty smug about it but he supposed she would be, she knew he wasn't as good as her where the King was concerned. James Banthemall's brother Glennly had warned him about her, though Nate figured that was because Glennly was a bitter queen who wished he was the real Queen. It was an open secret that Glennly was in an illicit gay relationship with Thomas C Tyrell and had been married off to Thomas' sister/carer Marge in an arranged ceremony to keep up appearances. Nate cared not for idle gossip, but he felt he was close to stumbling on the truth - mostly because the truth was always crouched down trying to trip him up so he'd fall down the castle steps.

Nate's daughter Saphsa was betrothed to Prince Gypsygoffrey and she couldn't have been more in love - at first she'd been a little bit unsure about the proposed marriage but she'd been assured that Gypsygoffrey was from a long line of Lezsisters and it was totally normal and not in any way against what God intended and if she wanted to rock a chain on her jeans and wear a lumberjack shirt and shave half her hair off into a mullet and put on four stone and be aggressive then that was her decision and hers to make alone. Saphsa's little sister aristya couldn't have been any more different. She was often being reprimanded for her lecherous comments - "That's it Honey" she'd catcall after the handmaidens. Saphsa was so frustrated with her sister - why couldn't she be like her, a lipstick Lezsister-to-be? aristya wanted to have a sword like her brothers so she could poke kitchen wenches with it, she had no interest in being a lady, much to Saphsa's chagrin.

"You are so annoying!!" Saphsa snapped at her sister.
"Get Down and Funky, watch out for them Junkies." aristya stuck her tongue out at her sister, leaping out of her reach.
"URGH!!!"
"Girls, stop it." Nate sighed, and they both did. "Someone tried to kill your brother and I have a feeling that it's got something to do with the King's Hand job - someone was jealous, maybe. I don't know. I just can't figure it out. I don't like Gypsygoffrey and I don't like what this arranged marriage is doing to you, Saphsa, you never used to like P!nk and I don't remember allowing you to get snakebite piercings either."
"I LOVE PRINCE GYPSYGOFFREY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! GYPSYGOFFREY IS NOTHING LIKE THE KING, SHE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND SHE ENTERS EUROVISION EVERY YEAR!" Saphsa stormed from the room.
Nothing like the king... a thought dawned on Nate. Funny how the mind of a child could see what an adult mind could not. He made his way to the Queen's chambers.

[Smithy]

The witch Kizzy Maz Duur had argued Khal Novo to death

ffs

[Niamh.]

Omg this is good Greg, Thomas tyrell and Marge, genius