[Mokka]

This is honestly the funniest thing I have read in forever ...
It needs to never end

[Glenn.]

Omfg Glennly is a bitter queen tbf

[Z]

"I know the truth about your children." Nate challenged Josei.
"I know how to design graphics, so what?" Josei shrugged nonchalantly.
"They aren't James Banthemall's children, are they? They're Niamhie's."
"Nimah and I are one soul in two bodies and sometimes we put those two bodies and that one soul together and two plus one equals three - three children."
"So you don't deny it?" Nate raised an eyebrow.
"No. I'm not ashamed. But know this, Nate Stark, when you play the chat and games of thrones, you win by PMing other people for votes, or you die."

Nate had stumbled upon the truth. It was quite sore but he'd only tripped down three steps - he stabbed the truth with his sword in revenge and watched the ****er bleed. He had been preparing himself for telling King James when he heard the news - the King had died trying to perma-ban a troll. Nate rushed to be by James' side and had found Josei there, all fake concern on her face. He couldn't believe his eyes - why hadn't she fled? Why was she still here? What did she mean to do? He crouched beside the King.

"Ah Nate, I knew they'd get me one day. You'd think I'd have learned after the social groups guy, you can't kill that which doesn't have a life in the first place."
"James... I can't believe this, is this really happening?"
"I want you to write down my will and testament. Everyone get out! Yes, you too woman, get out!" the King ordered the Queen and the assorted help out of the room.
"So..." Nate looked afraid.
"I'm scared of what Gypsygoffrey will do on the throne, Nate, so I want you to be the protector of the realm until she comes of age. Never trust a dyke that butch, she was the only one voting for Lucy Spraggan on the X Factor I'm telling you - cost the realm a fortune."
"I will do my best, my King..." the words died in Nate's throat, he couldn't bear to give him the news that Gypsygoffrey wasn't his, she was born of an incestuous lesbian relationship. Like attracts like and lesbians attract other lesbians, he thought to himself.
"Now write - you know how it goes, all the titles, yes..."

---

Shaun Snow had proven very good in training - he was the only man of the night who could handle a sword properly; his grip was impeccable and he could handle two at one time, even! Some of his fellow trainees weren't so adept - but Shaun himself was doing very well, much to the annoyance of Vanessalliser Thorne. She kept shouting that Shaun was not her Luke Friend, which Shaun didn't quite understand but ignored anyway. He had bigger things to worry about, like the swords in front of his face. He batted them away with a giggle. His uncle Benjamin had gone north to see if he could pick up any stray boys but hadn't returned - he'd been gone for weeks and there was concern that he'd been killed by a vigilante group. A search party was being prepared to go after him and Shaun wanted to be on it - but Grand Pimp Marshmont wasn't having any of it.

"Your place is here, boy, you're not ready to take on the men of the north - they're wild, animalistic, they'll split you in half and eat you when they're done - something we'd normally charge extra for but I'm talking in the cannibal sense. They're insane. You don't want to encounter them. Your uncle is lost to the north, it's a pity, he was great at his job - the BBC will never know how great, he was that good. He made Savile look like an amateur."
"I need to find him, you don't understand, I need to see him again and ask him why he did this to me. I loved him, I trusted him!" Shaun cried.
"That's how we always get 'em Shaun Snow, you know nothing!" Marshmont angrily struck Shaun - he was wearing a ring of gold plastic and it left a mark under Shaun's right eye.

Nonetheless, Shaun Snow went north of the wall with the party sent out to find his uncle. They found a wild woman, Billygritte and took her prisoner - she mocked Shaun Snow for being a virgin ***** and he pouted at her for most of the journey. Her responses were either "LMAO!" or "You know nothing, Shaun Snow LMAO" which annoyed him. They were ambushed by a group of wild north men and all bar Shaun Snow were slain, because of course he didn't die, he's a main character, stupid. He feared for his life and his virgin hole.

---

Rose McGowan watched her fagons twirl through the sky with her trusted advisor Ser Josiah by her side. Lucarion was the campest, whistling IYERRRR and being loud at all times - whilst Firewiria was the sassiest, snapping ha fingers and burning everyone she saw, like oh snap. LeatherTrumpetos was different from the others, he was the meanest, sometimes Rose worried that she wasn't like the others at all - perhaps he was not a true fagon after all - he was the hardest to control and was prone to spilling wine on himself. Still, her fagons would help her reclaim what was rightfully hers, she was sure of it.

---

MTVyrioN Lezsister had gone into the nearest Wetherspoons to watch the cricket because he was a basic bitch when he found himself in a spot of bother - Lady Caitlin Stark was there too drinking cider blacks and letting her inner lesbian come out while her husband was away. She'd spotted the chump and had taken him prisoner with the help of the biker dykes of Lesbos and had headed north to see her sister Lady Lilysa, captive in tow. The sellsword, Bronnzors, rode with them. The Mad Lady Lilysa and her freak son sat on the throne as the guests arrived. Lilysa had her massive chebs out and her son was sucking on them, despite being 19 years old. Caitlin winced at the scene.

"Sister! You honour me with your visit." Lilysa called out.
"Sister, it has been too long." Caitlin lied.
"You have brought the chump! He killed my husband!" Lilysa glared at the small man - MTVyrioN winked back at her. "And he likes cricket! He must die!"
"I demand a trial by walkway, my lady." MTVyrioN responded, earning mocking laughs from the crowd. "I choose my champion - Bronnzors, will you do me the honzors?"
"Loool" Bronnzors posed, sashaying down the runway with elegance and poise. The court's champion paled in significance and was ejected through the moon door. Yay! MTVyrioN was free to go.
"You have made a grave mistake, sister!" Caitlin stated gravely.
"It is you who have made the mistake, sister!" Lilysa replied.
"In what way?"
"In SHUT UP, that's what way!"

MTVyrioN and Bronnzors, an unlikely duo if ever there was one, made their way south, wondering what lay ahead.

---

The King's council had struck again - Lord Liviafinger had double crossed Nate Stark and had helped Queen Josei arrest Nate Stark and had him thrown in the dungeons; but Lord Vickys had snuck in to visit him and bring him news of the outside world - life had gone on but Saphsa was being slapped about for being a silly bitch and aristya had done a runner. Nate didn't know what to think. Saphsa had begged for his life and had been promised that Nate would be treated with mercy, but he knew that Gypsygoffrey was a Kelly Clarkson fan and would be really into angsty revenge anthems and didn't rate his chances of surviving for much longer.

"What should I do, Lord Vickys?" Nate asked.
"Dunno m8, there's not much love for me 'round these parts, I just get on with it tbh."
"What does Grand Marc Pycelle think?"
"Who cares, that bitch is old and irrelevant."
"True tbh."
"Tbh."

Vickys left him in the dark once more and Nate didn't see sunlight again until his trial.
"My mother, Queen Josei, and my betrothed, Saphsa, have begged for mercy for this man... but I say no mercy to no man! I hate men! They take good snatch and ruin it with child birth - I say no more! Off with this traitor's head!" She jeered, causing the crowd to cheer and boo with equal ferocity. Little aristya Stark was watching from the crowd and looked up ASDAWalmart deals for TVs that would show him the decapitation in the best quality for the cheapest price, while Saphsa stood on the platform and fell to her knees and hummed a k.d. lang song to calm herself. Josei's usually expressionless face looked troubled for a mere moment but regained its usual composure as Nate's head left its body.

---

"I am the true King!" Glennly Banthemall stood staring at himself in the mirror, his lover Thomas C Tyrell stood behind him. They were both naked - they were lovers. Glennly admired himself in the mirror while Thomas ran behind a curtain and hurriedly threw on a dress and some lippy. He trotted out with one high heel on, trying to get the other on, and became his "sister" Marge.

"Oh my King, you are so gallant and brave!"
"Thank you, my Queen." Glennly smirked.
"Tell me I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, am I not?"
"The fairest maiden in the land - but I'm afraid we cannot be man and wife proper... I... I can't have sex with you, I'm in love with your brother."
"No worries Glennly, it's still me." Thomas said in a loud whisper.
"Ffs I know, play along!" Glennly hissed back.
"Ah, yes, of course, sorry. Right. My lord, I don't mind, we could get my brother in here to get you going if that would please you?"
"OMG no that's disgusting!" Glennly feigned horror.
His loyal servant, Ammienne of Tarth knocked on the door.
"My lady, do come in." Princess Marge called out.
"My lord, my lady, I have Lady Caitlin Stark here to see you."
"I'll be leaving then." Marge picked up her pants and left the room. Lady Caitlin entered and greeted Glennly.

Suddenly, a shadowy figure with the face of Icemannis Banthemall entered the room and stabbed Glennly to death!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ammienne of Tarth and Caitlin Stark fled the scene of Glennly's death, terrified and alone. Also, Locke Stark defeated Niamhie Lezsister in battle and took her prisoner!!!!!!!!

[Glenn.]

Gone too soon</3

[Mokka]

the King had died trying to perma-ban a troll.

You'd think I'd have learned after the social groups guy, you can't kill that which doesn't have a life in the first place."

Lilysa had her massive chebs out and her son was sucking on them, despite being 19 years old. Caitlin winced at the scene.

[Amy Jade]

omfg haha epic

[arista]

Spiffing

[Firewire]

there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Z

"" the witch replied.

it was totally normal and not in any way against what God intended and if she wanted to rock a chain on her jeans and wear a lumberjack shirt and shave half her hair off into a mullet and put on four stone and be aggressive then that was her decision and hers to make alone.

"I LOVE PRINCE GYPSYGOFFREY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! GYPSYGOFFREY IS NOTHING LIKE THE KING, SHE'S GOT A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND SHE ENTERS EUROVISION EVERY YEAR!"

SCREAMING

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by Firewire

there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version

You flop

[T*]

(i need more airtime though)

[Fetch The Bolt Cutters]

Originally Posted by Z

"I know the truth about your children." Nate challenged Josei.
"I know how to design graphics, so what?" Josei shrugged nonchalantly.

"I'm scared of what Gypsygoffrey will do on the throne, Nate, so I want you to be the protector of the realm until she comes of age. Never trust a dyke that butch, she was the only one voting for Lucy Spraggan on the X Factor I'm telling you - cost the realm a fortune."

"What should I do, Lord Vickys?" Nate asked.
"Dunno m8, there's not much love for me 'round these parts, I just get on with it tbh."
"What does Grand Marc Pycelle think?"
"Who cares, that bitch is old and irrelevant."
"True tbh."
"Tbh."

this is amazing omg

[Kizzy]

Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities

[Ammi]

..OMG, this is delicious Z......


..I've only read the first part so far but I'm going to sit down with a bit of cake and read it all through soon...you're a genius Lady Gregazzzzzzzealiabangedup.......

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Dezzy

Giving everyone GoT inspired names and leaving Scott as Rose McGowan is an inspired touch.

....Rose MacbethGowan though...

[Ammi]

..and Lemonbran.....because he often is a bit of a regular in the mornings on here...

[arista]

Originally Posted by Firewire

there is too much for me to read can someone do an audio version

Feck me
you want blood

[Z]

Locke Stark had called upon the help of Lord Mark Waldorf Frey to help him defeat the Lezsister army in battle. The Waldorf Frey family had held the fierce Zetan fort for centuries and no army crossed the troll bridge without first paying the price in its history. Locke could think of no way past the notorious diva and his men other than to ask politely - but Waldorf Frey had hundreds of copycats in his service that he wished rid of. Lady Caitlin offered to go in Locke's place in order to secure a better deal, and so she rode forth.

"Lady Caitlin... you were of house Ninastar when I last saw you." Waldorf Frey said.
"That was in the past, my Lord, we are in times of Chaos now." Caitlin deadpanned.
"Indeed... now what is it you want from me? I'm an old, tired has-been."
"I know, my Lord, but your post count is high and your name was useful for this pun." Caitlin begged.
"Well, get on with it then. No one remembers my personality even though I was the original Weave, long before Weaves existed." Waldorf sighed.
"We mean to cross the bridge, with your permission, of course."
"As if!" Mark Waldorf Frey laughed humourlessly. "You can only cross if I can make you take some of these fierce bitches off my hands and turn them into fierce Queens in the north."
"Is there no other alternative?" Caitlin asked, looking nervously at Waldorf's ugliest hanger-ons with some disdain.
"No. It's Hugo or you go."
"Fine. We shall honour the agreement upon our return."
"That seems like a really stupid way of doing it but okay sure."

The Stark army marched south.

---

Icemannis Banthemall stared into the flames as the Mystic Mock rubbed her naked body against him and whispered into his ear.
"No one can tell if I'm Irish or European or why I keep talking about the Lord of Light." Mock whispered in his ear.
"I am the one true King, you said it yourself." Icemannis replied.
"Yes my King, you are. Look at my nipples."
"When will I be King?"
"Look into the flames and then look at my naked body. The flames and then my body. Look deep into my body and then at the flames. The Lord of Light and the flames and my naked body."
"We must attack soon. Every passing day my chances of claiming the throne fade away - and my damn brother Glennly thinks he can challenge me."
"Glennly is dead, my naked body sent an assassin and also I'm naked."
"Oh okay. What of his wife, Marge?"
"**** knows what that's all about."
"Aye, true enough Mystic Mock, true enough."

---

Lady Marge/Lord Thomas C Tyrell and her/his people had long retreated to the Tyrell stronghold - but soon headed to the capital with her grandmother Oglenna.
"Grandmother, isn't it strange how you look exactly like Glennly Banthemall but wearing a do-rag/nun costume thingy?" Marge asked.
"I AM THE QUEEN OF THORNS!" Oglenna bellowed.
"Yes but you look an awful lot like my deceased husband..."
"YOU LOOK LIKE A MAN IN A DRESS!" Oglenna shrieked.
"So do you!!!" Marge fired back.
"SHUT THE **** UP!"
"Why are we going to the capital again?"
"To marry you off to Gypsygoffrey Banthemall so you can be Queen."
"Ooh goody!"
"Shut up. Tart." Oglenna shot down her granddaughter's good mood.

---

MTVyrioN Lezsister and the sellsword Bronnzors had returned to the capital and were ready for the coming battle with Icemannis Banthemall. Icemannis had sent a fleet of hundreds of ships to storm the coast and the Queen Josei Lezsister had prepared for the battle by issuing bans for anyone they could hit them with - great warriors like Salman, MeMyselfandI and ~Sam~ were struck in the battle and were thrown into the abyss. Josei Lezsister couldn't help but smile - but the King Gypsygoffrey was blatantly afraid.

"THEY'RE NOT DYING!!!" She shrieked.
"They're not supposed to, my love, just a mere ban..." Josei began but her daughter slapped her away.
"I WANT THEM ALL TO DIE! KILL ICEMANNIS BANTHEMALL AND HIS TRAITORS!"
"Is that on The Truth About Love or Missundaztood?" MTVyrioN asked quietly, earning a chuckle from Sticks, the King's personal guard - often called The Hound because **** you that's why.
"SHUT UP CHUMP! I'LL HAVE YOU KILLED TOO!" Gypsygoffrey punched MTVyrioN in the arm.
"**** the King!" Sticks declared and walked away.
Icemannis and his army were defeated but the man himself escaped back to Fagonstone, the ancestral lands of the Targayformen.

---

Rose McGowan of House Targayformen and her fagons were guests of the free city of Queerth. Many Gaylords had tried to court her and her fagons but none had succeeded (apart from most of them but what's a thirsty bitch to do other than drink. that. tea. Is the juice worth the squeeze? You bet your ass it is.) - she was here to raise an army after the death of her beloved Khal Novo but she was finding it hard to do so - Enid of the House of the Undying kept giving her creepy looks and her fagons had gone missing; she had no idea what to do. Rose threw a bitch fit and got her fagons back eventually and they were on their way to their next adventure.

---

Locke Stark's army was dwindling and he needed help. The Lezsister army, led by Dezzywin Lezsister, had slowly but surely pushed them back to Lord Waldorf Frey's toll bridge. Locke knew he had to ask Waldorf Frey for help but he'd already taken a fierce bitch of his own to be the Queen of the north, breaking the pact he'd made with Waldorf Frey. After some debate, it was agreed that Eddrew of House Ninastar, his uncle, would marry Hugo Waldorf Frey - some of the Stark men giggled that he should be called Waldorf Gay - and though Eddrew was unwilling, he did his duty.

The wedding feast was glorious and also murderous - aristya Stark and Sticks the Hound were on their way to reunite aristya with her mother Caitlin and brother Locke when the Waldorf Freys and reece(: Bolton betrayed them and murdered them with arrows and knives and sass.
"Waldorf Gay they called me - the Gay Lord Waldorf Gay. Ha! Look who's gay and dead now, Caitlin Stark! **** you and your army! And you, Locke Stark, you think you can take some nobody as your Fierce Queen and defy me! You're a damn fool. I hope you both rot in hell. Let's stitch a picture of Britney Spears to his body and send his head to the King!" the Waldorf Frey men whooped and clicked their fingers in a zed formation.

---

Dezzywin Lezsister heard the news that his ruse had been successful. The Stark boy was dead. He smiled and stroked his ban hammer thoughtfully as he wrote the letter declaring reece(: Bolton the Warden of the North to replace the Stark family and Mark Waldorf Frey as the Warden of the Riverlands, replacing the Ninastar family.

MTVyrioN Lezsister burst into the room and declared his father a coward; his father ushered him out of the room with the wave of a hand and called him a messy fag.

---

Saphsa Stark led the life of a prisoner. Yes she was free to roam the gardens - heavily under guard, of course - but she had no friends, nobody to talk to. She missed her family but they were all long gone. She thought of her brother LemonBran the cripple, little Patrickon who loved to wear guyliner. She wondered what had become of her weird sister aristya who loved Walmart. She wondered if her mother Caitlin and her brother Locke were coming to rescue her from this hell hole soon. She wondered what the afterlife was like and if her father Nate was at peace. She wondered if Shaun Snow was happy in the north with their uncle Benjamin - she'd never much liked Shaun Snow but she wondered if he was happier than them all and if he hadn't made the right decision after all.

---

Shaun Snow had been brutally violated by the many men from beyond the wall. Billygritte had seen to that - LMAO! - he was a prisoner facing a fate worse than death, worse than the wall. He'd heard their mutterings about the ****e Talkers - permanently banned users who longed to cross the border and return to TiBB and couldn't let go of the fact that they were no longer welcome. He'd heard that the exiled Swan Princess, Rose McGowan, was raising an army in lands to the east; he'd heard that his father Nate had been beheaded by the boy King Gypsygoffrey. At that moment, he'd known that all was lost - he would never be rescued, he had to be his own hero now.

---

The Swan Princess had marched upon Asstapor and Yungboy and had liberated hundreds of thousands of sex slaves - she'd delighted in seeing the sheer amount of leather crotchless clothes had come into her possession as a result and she now dressed her rented boy army in boxer briefs more befitting of a queen. She vowed that she would storm the TiBB Towers soon, her glorious return would be welcomed by the people and she would banish the Usurpers to hell. Her fagons would make sure of that - Firewiria grew more graceful and bitchy by the day; Lucarion's mannerisms grew camper and his personality more marmite and LeatherTrumpetos became wittier and meaner - somehow less fagon-like - she was confident that when she declared a flame war and dished out some sick burns, she'd retake what was rightfully hers.

[Z]

Honestly this stuff writes itself

[Amy Jade]

so so good, you're honestly a really great writer

[Z]

Thanks

[Tom4784]

Dead at all of this, it's amazing.

[Glenn.]

Rose for the Iron Throne.

[T*]

This is so good
(Am I dead or something, where am I???)

[Mokka]

Another funny ass instalment...

Not Z set up to give us an ending before GRR Martin does