[Pete.]

In the mean time, these were 20 of the highlights/low points from the launch of Series 16 that showed Celebrity Big Brother is still classic car-crash television.

1.Sherrie Hewson pours herself into the house after telling Emma Willis that going on Celebrity Big Brother is ‘like having a baby isn’t it?’ - presumably meaning it involves hours of screaming and shouting and is agony for all concerned.

2. Weighing in at 137 kilos, ‘Be Faithful’ one hit wonder Fatman Scoop reveals he might have an issue with the bathroom inside the house.
‘There’s a chance that I may clog up the toilet,’ he says, practically boasting. So that’s what his talent is.

3. Atomic Kitten’s Natasha Hamilton recalls the band’s fame, trilling: ‘at one point we were the biggest selling girl band in the world’, presuming meaning ‘in Liverpool.’

4. ‘What I love about the UK is we are real,’ opines Hamilton. ‘We’re not afraid to say: ‘it’s s**t.’ Whether this is really the UK’s greatest attribute is debatable. Well, hopefully…

5. ‘To live with, I can be a bit of a pain in the arse,’ admits Natasha, clearly with no intention of trying to do anything about it. A wilfully brash, irritating American called Austin Armacost continues the theme. ‘My friends and family would describe me as a ******ing
a**hole,’ Austin declared persuasively. What his enemies would say about him we can only imagine.

6. Austin Armacost reveals that since breaking up with internationally acclaimed fashion designer Marc Jacobs, he has settled down – in Huddersfield. Just when we thought living in Huddersfield couldn’t get any worse. Our thoughts go out to anyone living there.

7. After several years living here, Austin Armacost reveals his biggest problem with life in the UK is ‘I can’t find any ice cubes in England.’ If this is his major complaint, he might want to think about moving given that the demand for ice cubes in Huddersfield probably ranges from low to non-existent.

8. Never noticeably interesting Gail Porter’s favourite food, we learn, is seaweed. ‘Are you a threat to the Americans?’ asks Emma Willis. No.

9. Actor Chris Ellison recalls his years playing rogue detective Burnside in South London cop show, The Bill. ‘You’re nicked, you slag !’ he reprises – even though this is a line more familiar from The Sweeney rather than anything his character in Sun Hill’s CID said.

10. ‘Am I proud to be British? Not particularly. I just happen to be born here. It’s a bit like being proud to have feet !’ exclaims Ellison, not exactly entering into the spirit or grasping the concept of Celebrity Big Brother UK Versus The USA. Perhaps the producers of this year’s series should call him into the Diary Room and ‘ave a word.’

11. Jenna Jameson complains about the way that ‘people take it for granted that I’m some sort of sex maniac.’ I don’t know, just because a girl hundreds of porn films. So unfair ! ‘There will not any more porn coming out of moi!’ Jenna vows, although she doesn’t say if there will any more coming in.

12. ‘I am a bit crazy, a lot smart and incredibly angry. If you try to get up close to me, I will crush your soul !’ declares Jenna Jameson, looking as if were any man to make the mistake of getting on her nerves that’s not all she would crush.

13. Stevi Ritchie and Chloe Jasmine enter the house as a single contestant, bickering like a married couple in their VT. Life with Chloe is perfect Stevi tells her before adding: ‘although there was one time you did leave a bit of a stain on the toilet’ – a ‘little bit of poo’ he cleaned away ‘with a wee.’ No doubt Chloe wasn’t the only one thinking ‘Thanks for that Stevi.’

14. CBB’s narrator Marcus Bentley announces Chloe Jasmine ‘turned down a part in Game Of Thrones’ and claims that ‘Teen Mom’ ‘legend’ Farrah Abrahams ‘likes gardening.’ Which of these is the bigger lie is for you to decide.

15. James Hill enters the house, recognising porn star Jenna Jameson rather too quickly, if not prematurely.

16. For anyone who didn’t see it, James Hill explains he was ‘quite a character on The Apprentice’ – or to be more accurate ‘quite a loser.’
‘I’d describe myself as confident, cute, and…’ Broke ?

17. ‘I dry my toes,’ reveals James Hill – a sign that the barrel of insight into the ‘celebrities’ lifestyles’ is being well and truly scraped.

18. Marcus Bentley tries to trump even this with the revelation ‘Tila Tequila buys her clothes in the Kids department.’

19. Emma Willis earnestly grills Tila Tequila about her insistence that she has ‘five personalities’, although strangely none of them are very interesting or entertaining. They include ‘a perverted old man called Owen’, Caroline from Oxford, a virgin, and Jane. Jane is ‘scary’ Tila says, although possibly not as scary as Tila.

20. The final celebrity to go into the house, the big name of the series, is Daniel Baldwin. Daniel reveals his problems with addiction, specifically cocaine, have led to nine spells in rehab. No doubt appearing on Celebrity Big Brother will help him no end.

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...#ixzz3k9gpBuCu
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[Daniel-X]

they need to get lives tbh.

[Mystic Mock]

I thought that the Daily Mail would've loved Ch5 BB and Tila.

[Shaun]

um mister scoop had several hits tyvm

if, like me, we are tenuously including feature spots and his #9 smash "It Takes Scoop"