[AProducer'sWetDream]

So, I'm gay (I'm male) but not out to my family and friends yet. Recently, I've made the decision to tell everyone and have mentally built myself up to do it really soon. However, just a few days before I planned to tell my parents, my cousin, who is also a boy almost the same age, came out.

This is my predicament: if I come out now, as I originally planned, I feel like I'll be somehow 'stealing his moment' or 'thunder'. I don't want to be seen as copying him or it to be perceived as attention seeking and stealing the limelight. Will people be less likely to believe me or say its just a phase that will pass if I do it so soon after somebody else? Also, I know that some relatives are struggling with this news so I don't want to burden them/upset them anymore by coming out as well.

What would you do? Should I wait until the dust has settled before I come out? Should I just tell the people who haven't been affected by the news?

Out of curiosity- do you have any gay relatives of a similar age. If so, how did feel coming out before/after them? What was the reaction like?

Some advice would be really useful- I've built and built myself up to do it and now I feel like it's not the right time, but I don't want to regret not coming out sooner in the future.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by AProducer'sWetDream

So, I'm gay (I'm male) but not out to my family and friends yet. Recently, I've made the decision to tell everyone and have mentally built myself up to do it really soon. However, just a few days before I planned to tell my parents, my cousin, who is also a boy almost the same age, came out.

This is my predicament: if I come out now, as I originally planned, I feel like I'll be somehow 'stealing his moment' or 'thunder'. I don't want to be seen as copying him or it to be perceived as attention seeking and stealing the limelight. Will people be less likely to believe me or say its just a phase that will pass if I do it so soon after somebody else? Also, I know that some relatives are struggling with this news so I don't want to burden them/upset them anymore by coming out as well.

What would you do? Should I wait until the dust has settled before I come out? Should I just tell the people who haven't been affected by the news?

Out of curiosity- do you have any gay relatives of a similar age. If so, how did feel coming out before/after them? What was the reaction like?

Some advice would be really useful- I've built and built myself up to do it and now I feel like it's not the right time, but I don't want to regret not coming out sooner in the future.

....hmmm, I guess that my thoughts are that this is about your sexuality, not that of anyone else../your cousin, he's made his decision and come out and really it's for you to make yours ...which feels the more right to you, that you've built yourself up and you really want it to be now or that you don't feel that it's the right time anymore..?..

[Ninastar]

I would just do it. I only came out to my family a few months ago, and whilst it was so awkward for a few weeks, I couldn't be happier now. I then came out on facebook properly about 2 weeks ago and my god, the feedback and love I got back was just incredible. I've never felt so loved in my life... lol.

I didn't ever tell my family face to face that I was gay though. My mum asked me if a girl I was seeing was my girlfriend, which took me completely off guard and I tried to deny it at first and then she said 'I don't care, I love you either way' and I just said that it was complicated because I liked her and wasn't sure how she felt about me. And then we just text the rest of the conversation.

My mum told my sisters (even tho they pretty much already knew) and then one of my sisters told my dad. I've only ever really told one person face to face that I'm gay and that was after I told my family, lol.

My only piece of advice for you is that you don't come out unless it's safe to do so. I'm sure your parents will love you regardless. Its probably the scariest thing you will ever have to do, I wont lie, but once you do, you feel so proud and happy and you can finally be yourself and that is something totally indescribable. Make this year, your year! xx

[AProducer'sWetDream]

Originally Posted by Ammi

....hmmm, I guess that my thoughts are that this is about your sexuality, not that of anyone else../your cousin, he's made his decision and come out and really it's for you to make yours ...which feels the more right to you, that you've built yourself up and you really want it to be now or that you don't feel that it's the right time anymore..?..

Thankyou for responding... you always talk a lot of sense. I guess that's my choice: for me I think this is the right time, but this has just complicated things a bit and I'm not sure whether the reaction will be different it's been a bit of a shock for everyone and has caused a stir with some of the older members of my family.

Should I put myself first or consider everyone else's feelings?

[AProducer'sWetDream]

Originally Posted by Ninastar

I would just do it. I only came out to my family a few months ago, and whilst it was so awkward for a few weeks, I couldn't be happier now. I then came out on facebook properly about 2 weeks ago and my god, the feedback and love I got back was just incredible. I've never felt so loved in my life... lol.

I didn't ever tell my family face to face that I was gay though. My mum asked me if a girl I was seeing was my girlfriend, which took me completely off guard and I tried to deny it at first and then she said 'I don't care, I love you either way' and I just said that it was complicated because I liked her and wasn't sure how she felt about me. And then we just text the rest of the conversation.

My mum told my sisters (even tho they pretty much already knew) and then one of my sisters told my dad. I've only ever really told one person face to face that I'm gay and that was after I told my family, lol.

My only piece of advice for you is that you don't come out unless it's safe to do so. I'm sure your parents will love you regardless. Its probably the scariest thing you will ever have to do, I wont lie, but once you do, you feel so proud and happy and you can finally be yourself and that is something totally indescribable. Make this year, your year! xx

Thankyou, and well done for being brave and doing it! I'm glad people have been accepting- I have no doubt my family will have no problem, particularly the people that really matter to me.

[Z]

I'd say do it now, strike while the iron is hot - if anything, it might help your cousin out a little bit if there are some parts of the family who aren't being so supportive, to know that he's not alone. I don't think it would be taking anything away from him, he's already come out, it's not like there's much else to it - you say it out loud and then you flip the channel and pop the kettle on, it doesn't have to be a big thing if you don't want it to be.

My boyfriend's younger brother came out as gay before my boyfriend did to their parents, that was an interesting situation luckily they were fine with both!

[AProducer'sWetDream]

Originally Posted by Z

I'd say do it now, strike while the iron is hot - if anything, it might help your cousin out a little bit if there are some parts of the family who aren't being so supportive, to know that he's not alone. I don't think it would be taking anything away from him, he's already come out, it's not like there's much else to it - you say it out loud and then you flip the channel and pop the kettle on, it doesn't have to be a big thing if you don't want it to be.

My boyfriend's younger brother came out as gay before my boyfriend did to their parents, that was an interesting situation luckily they were fine with both!

That's a good point! It might take the attention and pressure off both of us, to be honest. In some ways its nice that this has happened- I've been able to gauge everyone's reactions and feel much more confident that it will be a big non-event!

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by AProducer'sWetDream

Thankyou for responding... you always talk a lot of sense. I guess that's my choice: for me I think this is the right time, but this has just complicated things a bit and I'm not sure whether the reaction will be different it's been a bit of a shock for everyone and has caused a stir with some of the older members of my family.

Should I put myself first or consider everyone else's feelings?

...don't let it complicate it for you because when your cousin decided to come out..(which just happened to coincide with when you want to..)...it was totally his choice and that's what it should always be..this is not putting yourself first at all..there is no 'right time' other than the time that you feel right about it and you seem to really want it to be now...you're the only one to consider in this and in a way, you could think about it as now knowing a bit of what to expect yourself from those less supportive in the family, you've had that insight, type thing and that could help you in how you're going to do it..?...

[Ninastar]

Good luck! Let us know how it goes when it does happen! I have a coming out thread on here somewhere, I'm sure you can find it if you look. I dunno if that will help much but yeah, It's always nice to read good coming out stories

[Jamie89]

If you want to come out then I'd still do it, regardless of the situation with your cousin. I find it hard to imagine that anyone will think you're making it up to steal his thunder, but if they do think that, then that really isn't your problem it's theirs. There'll always be loads of reasons not to come out, and being worried about how people might react is probably the same for everyone, but you have to kind of put all that to one side and not think about how they're going to react because it's not about them it's about you, their reactions don't really matter.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

If you want to come out then I'd still do it, regardless of the situation with your cousin. I find it hard to imagine that anyone will think you're making it up to steal his thunder, but if they do think that, then that really isn't your problem it's theirs. There'll always be loads of reasons not to come out, and being worried about how people might react is probably the same for everyone, but you have to kind of put all that to one side and not think about how they're going to react because it's not about them it's about you, their reactions don't really matter.

Good post

[Alf]

Don't be afraid of freedom.

[Redway]

What Caitlin said.

I can't say I've had much personal experience with this kind of thing but I'm sure you'll look back in a year or two and be so glad you were able to set yourself free and be true to yourself. It's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do but if they're truly close to you, they'll stand by you, no matter what. And if they don't ... well, I wouldn't want to associate with people like that in the first place.

It's all about what makes you happy, in the end.