[smudgie]

Here we go.
So, you haven't spoken to your little sister for 8 years, she dies, do you ..
A) be a hypocrite and go to the funeral. ( possibly upsetting her daughter).
B) go regardless just so nobody can talk about you not going.
C) sit at home thinking of her.
I am interested to hear what people think about this as it would give me some understanding either way.
Please note, this is NOT a sympathy thread.

[RichardG]

if i hadn't spoken to or seen someone in so many years then i probably wouldn't go

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by RichardG

if i hadn't spoken to or seen someone in so many years then i probably wouldn't go

Thanks Richard.

[Vanessa]

I would go. A sister is always a sister. Even if you haven't seen each other for years.

[armand.kay]

Whatever you feel would help you grief/heal more. In my opinion a funeral is for the people left behind not the actual person who's died.

[smudgie]

Thanks for answering Vanessa.
Would you still go knowing that is would more than likely upset her daughter?

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by smudgie

Thanks for answering Vanessa.
Would you still go knowing that is would more than likely upset her daughter?

I think so. It's still family and it's your chance to say goodbye. The daughter should understand that.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by armand.kay

Whatever you feel would help you grief/heal more. In my opinion a funeral is for the people left behind not the actual person who's died.

Indeed.
I never grieve at a funeral.
I can't think that I have ever actually cried at one.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Vanessa

I think so. It's still family and it's your chance to say goodbye. The daughter should understand that.

I can only go by the fact that my daughter told me if my sister attended my funeral (had I died first) she would try and have her thrown out, so I could understand if my niece felt the same way.
There are other ways to say goodbye.

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by smudgie

I can only go by the fact that my daughter told me if my sister attended my funeral (had I died first) she would try and have her thrown out, so I could understand if my niece felt the same way.
There are other ways to say goodbye.

Really? That's sad

[Kazanne]

Originally Posted by smudgie

Here we go.
So, you haven't spoken to your little sister for 8 years, she dies, do you ..
A) be a hypocrite and go to the funeral. ( possibly upsetting her daughter).
B) go regardless just so nobody can talk about you not going.
C) sit at home thinking of her.
I am interested to hear what people think about this as it would give me some understanding either way.
Please note, this is NOT a sympathy thread.

I would go regardless,keep my distance and know that I paid my respects.IF I knew I was going to upset a close family member though,I would probably slip to the grave afterwards and stay at home and think of her while the funeral is taking place.

[LeatherTrumpet]

dead people are dead. funerals are for the folk left. If you have not spoken for 8 years forget it and move on.

unless you going would bring comfort to those grieving the most, then of course swallow your pride and go, for them

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by smudgie

I can only go by the fact that my daughter told me if my sister attended my funeral (had I died first) she would try and have her thrown out, so I could understand if my niece felt the same way.
There are other ways to say goodbye.

Could you maybe talk to the daughter? I think you should both be at the funeral. But you should do what feels right.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Vanessa

Could you maybe talk to the daughter? I think you should both be at the funeral. But you should do what feels right.

Funeral was this afternoon.
My son went, he brought me her memorium paper home.
I sent flowers to my other sister, I will also send a donation to the hospice that helped her this past couple of years.
I have nothing against my niece and my door is always open to her if she so wishes.

[Vicky.]

C tbh. If you haven't spoken for that long then you aren't exactly close. I assume she is close to her daughter as you mention possibly upsetting her. I would stay well away, and maybe go sign the memorial book or something another day. Are you considering going to ease your guilt over not seeing her for so long, or for other reasons? The only reason I can think of is the guilt thing (sorry if I am wrong) so basically you are going to make yourself feel better...if that makes sense.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

dead people are dead. funerals are for the folk left. If you have not spoken for 8 years forget it and move on.

unless you going would bring comfort to those grieving the most, then of course swallow your pride and go, for them

Wise words LT.

[hijaxers]

Is it possible to speak to her daughter to see if you can get a clearer picture ? Maybe she'll feel differently now she's lost her mother. It will be a really difficult situation she gets annoyed and wants you to leave.

Very tricky situation - i hope it all works out for you.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

C tbh. If you haven't spoken for that long then you aren't exactly close. I assume she is close to her daughter as you mention possibly upsetting her. I would stay well away, and maybe go sign the memorial book or something another day. Are you considering going to ease your guilt over not seeing her for so long, or for other reasons? The only reason I can think of is the guilt thing (sorry if I am wrong) so basically you are going to make yourself feel better...if that makes sense.

Makes perfect sense Vicky.
I had no intention of going, we hadn't spoken since the day our father died 8 years ago. Just want to see it from different angles as my son disagrees with me, mind you he doesn't know what the fallout was about.
I have kept up with her life through my other sister and she was very helpful getting some ' medication' for my sister-in-law that also has terminal cancer.
I don't actually feel any guilt, maybe some regret that we couldn't sort our differences out but that's life I suppose.

[Vanessa]

Originally Posted by smudgie

Makes perfect sense Vicky.
I had no intention of going, we hadn't spoken since the day our father died 8 years ago. Just want to see it from different angles as my son disagrees with me, mind you he doesn't know what the fallout was about.
I have kept up with her life through my other sister and she was very helpful getting some ' medication' for my sister-in-law that also has terminal cancer.
I don't actually feel any guilt, maybe some regret that we couldn't sort our differences out but that's life I suppose.

[smudgie]

Originally Posted by hijaxers

Is it possible to speak to her daughter to see if you can get a clearer picture ? Maybe she'll feel differently now she's lost her mother. It will be a really difficult situation she gets annoyed and wants you to leave.

Very tricky situation - i hope it all works out for you.

I am not sure how she feels really as she asked my other sister if I would like to go to see her to say goodbye at the undertakers, which was very good of her and I admit to filling up when I saw her message.
I will keep an eye on her from afar through my sister in case she ever needs any help.

[hijaxers]

Originally Posted by smudgie

I am not sure how she feels really as she asked my other sister if I would like to go to see her to say goodbye at the undertakers, which was very good of her and I admit to filling up when I saw her message.
I will keep an eye on her from afar through my sister in case she ever needs any help.

Aw good luck, i hope you are able to build some bridges and you can all be friends again.