[Romantic Old Bird]

Bizarrely, this came up when I was searching for that picture for Sticks:

True Laws

ALABAMA
- It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
- Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
- Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.
- Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
- It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
- You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
- Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.

ALASKA
- While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
- It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.

ARIZONA
- Hunting camels is prohibited.
- Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
- It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water.
- It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license.


ARKANSAS
- The Arkansas River can rise no higher than to the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
- Arkansas must be pronounced "Arkansaw"
- A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.
- Oral sex is considered to be sodomy.
- Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.


CALIFORNIA
- Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
- Women may not drive in a house coat.
- No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
- Bathhouses are against the law.
- Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.
- It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".


COLORADO
- Car dealers may not show cars on a Sunday.
- It is illegal to ride a horse while under the influence.
- Tags may be ripped off of pillows and mattresses.
- Throwing missles at cars is illegal.
- It is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
- You may not drive a black car on Sundays.
- It is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep.


CONNECTICUT
- You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour.
- In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce.
- It is illegal to dispose of used razor blades.
- You cannot buy any alcohol after 8pm or on Sundays.


DELAWARE
- It is illegal to fly over any body of water, unless one is carrying sufficient supplies of food and drink.
- No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle.
- Six-year-old girls may not run around without being fully clothed


FLORDIA
- Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
- A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
- If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.
- It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.
- Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
- Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.
- It is illegal to skateboard without a license.
- When having sex, only the missionary position is legal.
- You may not fart in a public place after 6 P.M. on Thursdays.
- It is considered an offense to shower naked.
- You are not allowed to break more than three dishes per day, or chip the edges of more than four cups and/or saucers.
- Oral sex is illegal.
- You may not kiss your wife's breasts.
- Penalty for horse theft is death by hanging.


GEORGIA
- It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.
- You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words.
- Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session.
- Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
- Signs are required to be written in English.
- No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.


HAWAII
- All residents may be fined as a result of not owning a boat.
- Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.


IDAHO
- Illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds. (Repealed)
- Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays is considered a crime. (Repealed)
- A law passed in 1912 provided that "The carrying of concealed weapons is forbidden, unless some are exhibited to public view."
- A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.


ILLINOIS
- You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.
- You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation.
- You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.
- The English language is not to be spoken.


INDIANA
- Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
- It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday.
- A person who dyes, stains, or otherwise alters the natural coloring of a bird or rabbit commits a Class B misdemeanor.
- Oral sex is illegal.
- A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
- It is against the law to pass a horse on the street.
- It is illegal for a liquor store to sell cold soft drinks
- You are not allowed to carry a cocktail from the bar to a table. The waiter or waitress has to do it.
- Drinks on the house are illegal.
- Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
- You are required to pour your drink into a glass.
- "Spiteful Gossip" and "talking behind a person's back" are illegal.


IOWA
- Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.
- One-armed piano players must perform for free.
- A man with a moustache may never kiss a woman in public.
- It is a violation of the law to sell or distribute drugs or narcotics without having first obtained the appropriate Iowa drug tax stamp.


KANSAS
- Rabbits may not be shot from motorboats.
- Pedestrians crossing the highways at night must wear tail lights.
- No one may catch fish with his bare hands.
- The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.
- If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.


KENTUCKY
- Persons are forbidden from walking on any street or highway with only a bathing suit on and no police protection.
- Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to one year in prison.
- One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.
- Lizards may not be used in church services.
- It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky.
- It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License.
- Every bee entering the state should have a full medical report verifying it is free of disease


LOUISANA
- It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.
- Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."
- It is illegal to gargle in public places.


MAINE
- After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up.
- You may not step out of a plane in flight.
- Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack


MARYLAND
- Oral sex can not be given or received anywhere.
- Thistles may not grow in one's yard.


MASSACHUSETTS
- At a wake, mourners may eat no more than three sandwiches.
- Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
- It is illegal to go to bed without first having a full bath.
- A woman can not be on top in sexual activities.
- No gorilla is allowed in the back seat of any car.


MICHIGAN
- A woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
- There is a 10 cent bounty for each rat's head brought into a town office.
- It is legal for a robber to file a law suit, if he or she got hurt in your house.
- You may not swear in front of women and children in the state of Michigan.
- Any person over the age of 12 may have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a felony.


MINNESOTA
- A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.
- It is illegal to sleep naked.
- All men driving motorcycles must wear shirts.
- Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.
- Oral sex is prohibited.
- All bathtubs must have feet


MISSISSIPPI
- Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging.
- Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road.
- Unnatural intercourse, if both parties voluntarily participate, results in a maximum sentence of 10 years and $10,000.
- It is illegal for a male to be sexually aroused in public.


MISSOURI
- It is illegal to have oral sex.
- Single men between the ages of twenty-one and fifty must pay an annual tax of one dollar (enacted 1820).
- It is not illegal to speed. (Repealed)
- Minors can buy rolling paper and tobacco but not lighters.
- Four women may not rent an apartment together.


MONTANA
- In Montana, it is illegal for married women to go fishing alone on Sundays, and illegal for unmarried women to fish alone at all.
- It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.
- It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail.
- It is illegal to have a sheep in the cab of your truck without a chaperone


NEBRASKA
- If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.
- It is Illegal to go whale fishing.
- It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.
- It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.


NEVADA
- It's still "legal" to hang someone for shooting your dog on your property.
- It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.
- A man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than himself at any one period during the day.


NEW HAMPSHIRE
- You may not tap your feet, nod your head, or in any way keep time to the music in a tavern, restaurant, or cafe.
- You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.
- It is considered an offense to check into a hotel under an assumed name.
- It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach.
- Any cattle that crosses state roads must be fitted with a device to gather its feces.
- You may not run machinery on Sundays.
- On Sundays citizens may not relieve themselves while looking up.


NEW JERSEY
- You cannot pump your own gas. All gas stations are full service and full service only.
- Car dealerships are forbidden from opening on Sunday.
- You may not slurp your soup.
- Automobiles are not to pass horse drawn carriages on the street.
- It is illegal to delay or detain a homing pigeon.


NEW MEXICO
- State officials ordered 400 words of "sexually explicit material" to be cut from Romeo and Juliet.
- It's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public.
- You may not carry a lunchbox down Main Street.


NEW YORK
-A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.
- It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun.
- A license must be purchased before hanging clothes on a clothesline.
- The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
- A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
- While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
- Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.M.


NORTH CAROLINA
- It's against the law to sing off key.
- Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields.
- While having sex, you must stay in the missionary position and have the shades pulled.
- If a man and a woman who aren't married go to a hotel/motel and register themselves as married then, according to state law, they are legally married.
- All couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.
- It is illegal to have sex in a churchyard.
- Oral sex is considered a crime against nature.
- A marriage can be declared void if either of the two persons is physically impotent.


NORTH DAKOTA
- Beer and pretzels can't be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on.
- It is legal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon
- One may be jailed for wearing a hat while dancing, or even for wearing a hat to a function where dancing is taking place.


OHIO
- In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker's stand, you can be fined $25.00.
- Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
- It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
- It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
- The Ohio driver's education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
- Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
- Breast feeding is not allowed in public.
- It is illegal for more than five women to live in a house.


OKLAHOMA
- Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog.
- Females are forbidden from doing their own hair without being licensed by the state.
- Oklahoma will not tolerate anyone taking a bite out of another's hamburger.
- It is against the law to read a comic book while operating a motor vehicle.
- Whaling is illegal.
- It is illegal to have the hind legs of farm animals in your boots.
- People who make "ugly faces" at dogs may be fined and/or jailed.
- Oral sex is a misdemeanor and is punisable by one year in jail and a $2,500 fine.
- Anyone arrested for soliciting a hooker must have their name and picture shown on television.
- It's statutory rape for a man over 18 to have sex with a female under the age of 18, provided she's a virgin. If she's not a virgin, it is okay, but the said person must be over 16. If both parties are under 18, then the law does not apply.
- Tattoos are banned.
- No one may spit on a sidewalk.
- It is illegal to wear your boots to bed.
- It is illegal to have sex before you are married.
- Fish may not be contained in fishbowls while on a public bus.
- Tissues are not to be found in the back of one's car.


OREGON
- Dishes must drip dry.
- It is illegal to whisper "dirty" things in your lover's ear during sex.
- It is illegal to buy or sell marijuana, but it is legal to smoke it on your own property.
- Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays.
- You may not pump your own gas in service stations.
- One may not bathe without wearing "suitable clothing," i.e.,that which covers one's body from neck to knee.
- Canned corn is not to be used as bait for fishing.


PENNSYLVANIA
- It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
- It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
- It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
- Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
- A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
- You may not sing in the bathtub.
- Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
- Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
- Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.
- No more than two packages of beer at a time may be purchased, unless you are buying from an official "beer distributor".
- All liquor stores must be run by the state.
- Motorized vehicles are not to be sold on Sundays.
- You may not catch a fish with your hands.
- You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.
- Dynamite is not to be used to catch fish.
- Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.


RHODE ISLAND
- It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley.
- Any marriage where either of the parties is an idiot or lunatic is null and void


SOUTH CAROLINA
- It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
- Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.
- It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
- A person must be eighteen years old to play a pinball machine.
- Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
- It is considered an offense to get a tattoo.
- Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal.


SOUTH DAKOTA
- No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants.
- It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.
- Movies that show police officers being struck, beaten, or treated in an offensive manner are forbidden.
- If there are more than 5 Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.


TENNESSEE
- More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
- It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
- "Crimes against nature" are prohibited.
- Giving and receiving oral sex is still prohibited by law.
- Stealing a horse is punishible by hanging.
- Driving is not to be done while asleep.
- The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.
- It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.


TEXAS
- When two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone.
- It is illegal to take more than three sips of beer at a time while standing.
- Up to a felony charge can be levied for promoting the use of, or owning more than six dildos.
- You can be legally married by publically introducing a person as your husband or wife 3 times.
- It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don't need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.
- It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
- It is illegal to milk another person's cow.
- A recently passed anticrime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed.
- Homosexual behavior is a misdemeanor offense.
- The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.


UTAH
- It is against the law to fish from horseback.
- When a person reaches the age of 50, he/she can then marry their cousin.
- It is illegal not to drink milk.
- It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them, but you just can't detonate them.
- Birds have the right of way on all highways.
- A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
- You're not allowed to sell beverages containing more than 3.2% alcohol.
- It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway.
- It's legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
- It is considered an offense to hunt whales.
- No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.


VERMONT
- Whistling underwater is illegal
- It is illegal to deny the existence of God.
- At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
- Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.


VIRGINIA
- Not only is it illegal to have sex with the lights on, one may not have sex in any position other than missionary.
- It is illegal to sell peanut brittle on Sundays. (Repealed)
- You cannot sell lettuce on Sunday, but you can sell beer, wine etc. (Repealed)
- You may not work on Sunday. (Repealed)
- It is illegal to spit on sidewalk.
- If one is not married, it is illegal for him to have sexual relations.
- You may not have oral or anal sex.
- Driving while not wearing shoes is prohibited. (Repealed)
- Police radar detectors are illegal.
- Citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
- Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
- It is illegal to tickle women.
- You cannot buy hardware of any kind on Sunday. (Passed in 1975, repealed in 1977)
- It is legal for a man to beat his wife on the courthouse steps so long as it is before 8:00 pm.


WASHINGTON
- All lollipops are banned.
- A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town."
- It is illegal to paint polka dots on the American flag.
- People may not buy a mattress on Sunday.
- All motor vehicles must be preceded by a man carrying a red flag (daytime) or a red lantern (nighttime) fifty feet in front of said vehicle.
- It is illegal to pretend that one's parents are rich.
- You are not allowed to breast feed in public.
- One may not spit on a bus.
- When two trains come to a crossing, neither shall go until the other has passed.
- You cannot buy meat of any kind on Sunday.


WEST VIRGINIA
- No children may attend school with their breath smelling of "wild onions."
- Unmarried couple who live together and "lewdly associate" with one another may face up to a year in prison.
- Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.
- It is legal for a male to have sex with an animal as long as it does not exceed 40 lbs.
- A tax of 1 cent is levied for every 16 and 9 ounces of coke sold in a store.
- A person may be placed in jail for up to six months for making fun of someone who does not accept a challege.
- It is illegal to snooze on a train.
- For each act of public swearing a person shall be fined one dollar.
- Doctors and dentists may not place a woman under anesthesia unless a third person is present.
- Roadkill may be taken home for supper.
- Whistling underwater is prohibited.


WISCONSIN
- You must manually flush all urinals in a building.
- Butter substitutes are not allowed to be served in state prisons.
- Citizens may not murder their enemies.
- Whenever two trains meet at an intersection of said tracks, neither shall proceed until the other has.
- As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
- Condoms were considered an obsene article and had to hidden behind the pharmacist's counter.
- At one time, margarine was illegal.
- State Law made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.
- The state definition of rape stated that it was a man having sex with a woman he knows not to be his wife. That would mean that women could not be guilty of rape and neither could men who thought they were married to the woman.
- While all cheese making requires a license, Limburger cheese making requires a master cheese maker's license.
- It is illegal to kiss on a train.
- It is illegal to cut a woman's hair.
- Car dealerships cannot sell cars on Sunday.


WYOMING
- It is illegal to wear a hat that obstructs people's view in a public theater or place of amusement.
- Using a firearm to fish is strictly forbidden.
- Any person who fails to close a fence is subject to a fine of up to seven hundred and fifty dollars.
- It is illegal for women to stand within five feet of a bar while drinking.
- You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit.
- Skiing under the influence of alcohol is prohibited.

[Sticks]

They seem quite harsh on Women, verging on a Taliban State !!!!

wrt to intimate relations they are quite prescriptive.

How often are they enforced, and how many US citizens know of them.