[LucyPinder'sLover]

How about a thread for jokes, where we can post lots of jokes.
Because jokes are awesome and make us happy.

My mother-in-law wore some inflatable Dutch footwear but trod on some broken glass..

She popped her clogs



Why is sneezing like wanking? It ends in a-tiss-ue.



Where did Bin Laden keep his CDs?


In Iraq

[Mystic Mock]

Why can't I tell a joke? Because on both my hands I'm holding Coke.

[Jamie89]

Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Spoiler:

Because he kneaded a poo

[kirklancaster]

Why did the Cricket bat? Because it saw the Moth ball.

[LeatherTrumpet]

Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?

Spoiler:

a cucumber

[hijaxers]

Did you hear about the homosexual sparrow

Flew upside down for a lark !

[jennyjuniper]

Two hats on a hat rack. One says to the other 'You stay here, I'll just go on ahead.

[RichardG]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Q: What's long and hard and has cum in it?

Spoiler:

a cucumber

omg

[LucyPinder'sLover]

A lion wouldnt cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.

[LucyPinder'sLover]

Why can't Barbie get pregnant?








Because Ken comes in a different box.

[Alf]

A Scotsman and his wife, walk past a swanky restaurant.

"Did you smell that food?" she asked "It smells absolutely incredible!"

Being a kind hearted Scotsman, he thought, "what the Hell, I'll treat her"

So they walked past it again!

[Alf]

An Irish man shouts frantically into the phone.

"My wife is pregnant, and the contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child" asks the Doctor.

"No!" shouts the Irishman "This is her husband!"

[Mystic Mock]

A girl goes out on a date with an Irish man named Kieran O'Driscoll, they enjoyed their time together on their dates so much that they decided to meet each others parents. When it got around to the girl meeting Kieran's parents she was surprised at how big his family appeared to be, there was 10 Brothers and 5 Sisters, 6 Cousins. The Brothers are called Seamus, Shaun, Patrick, Niall, Liam, Darragh, Patrick, Aedan, Bierre, and Connor. The Sisters are called Barbara, Patricia, Aghadreena, Aghamora, and Ailin. The Cousins surnames are O'Hara, O'Paul, O'Donnahue, O'Kebab, O'Riley, and O'Shush. When the girl asked how many people are actually in the family, the Dad replied with "there are thirty tree of us." And the girl was confused so the Dad repeated himself again, and the girl still looked confused, the Dad called her "cyushe." "And the girl took such offense at thinking that she'd been called a douche that she moved back to her hometown in Wales called Bridgend and bought herself a Sheep.

The end.

[Mystic Mock]

That joke btw took alot longer than it should've thanks to my stupid Broadband provider.

[Marsh.]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

Why can't I tell a joke? Because on both my hands I'm holding Coke.

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

A girl goes out on a date with an Irish man named Kieran O'Driscoll, they enjoyed their time together on their dates so much that they decided to meet each others parents. When it got around to the girl meeting Kieran's parents she was surprised at how big his family appeared to be, there was 10 Brothers and 5 Sisters, 6 Cousins. The Brothers are called Seamus, Shaun, Patrick, Niall, Liam, Darragh, Patrick, Aedan, Bierre, and Connor. The Sisters are called Barbara, Patricia, Aghadreena, Aghamora, and Ailin. The Cousins surnames are O'Hara, O'Paul, O'Donnahue, O'Kebab, O'Riley, and O'Shush. When the girl asked how many people are actually in the family, the Dad replied with "there are thirty tree of us." And the girl was confused so the Dad repeated himself again, and the girl still looked confused, the Dad called her "cyushe." "And the girl took such offense at thinking that she'd been called a douche that she moved back to her hometown in Wales called Bridgend and bought herself a Sheep.

The end.

[Babayaro.]

Originally Posted by Mystic Mock

Why can't I tell a joke? Because on both my hands I'm holding Coke.

?

[Withano]

Spoiler:

Torys manifesto

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Babayaro.

?

I don't even remember writing that one.

[Babayaro.]

Ironically, it's the funniest thing in the thread

[Will.]

im gay

[Mystic Mock]

Originally Posted by Withano

Spoiler:

Torys manifesto

[Alf]

Just met a dog that only responds to commands in Spanish

He's Espanyol

[Mystic Mock]

Why does nobody like BB's Tom? It's because he gets the Raph end of the stick.

[Alf]

Accordian to scientific studies, 95% of people do not realise that I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.

[Alf]

Police are looking for mugger who threatens his victims with a lit match

They need to catch him before he strikes again