[Josy]

One of my youngest nephews has just turned 4 and at his nursery they request that parents stop telling their kids off if they do something bad, tell them not to say 'that's bad' anymore and instead want the parents to now ask the kid 'was that a good choice or a bad choice?' this is new to me so some with kids may have already came across this but I'm just wondering what peoples thoughts are on this....

[Cherie]

They are still using the word 'bad' though and I think its up to parents how they tell their kids off, its an individual thing we all do things differently which is how the world works.. if the nursery want to have a set way of doing it I'm fine with that I don't think they can dictate to parents though

[Josy]

Originally Posted by Cherie

They are still using the word 'bad' though and I think its up to parents how they tell their kids off, its an individual thing we all do things differently which is how the world works.. if the nursery want to have a set way of doing it I'm fine with that I don't think they can dictate to parents though

I think the same in that it's definitely up to the parents on how they decide to discipline their kids, yeah if the nursery want to do that whilst then kids in their care then fair enough but they cant really expect all the parents to carry that on at home, I only heard about because my nephew was up to something no good (I cant even remember what now) and I said don't do that its bad, then my mother in law said 'we've not to say that now' and explained about the nursery to which I replied 'what a lot of ****e'

I was curious though to what other thought about it

[bitontheslide]

If a child understands whats right and whats wrong without being hit or shouted at, I don't see the problem. Kids test boundaries all the time, so logic just doesn't work in that scenario.

[LeatherTrumpet]

I'd tell them to fck off

[Toy Soldier]

In theory it's better because it will encourage them to actually think about the action and why it wasn't the right thing to do (rather than just "Oh no I'm in trouble!").

On the practical side though, my eldest is a little contrarian and always has been and I have absolutely no doubt she would have said "a GOOD choice " no matter what had happened

[Josy]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

If a child understands whats right and whats wrong without being hit or shouted at, I don't see the problem. Kids test boundaries all the time, so logic just doesn't work in that scenario.

Oh I completely agree with that but I also don't see any harm in telling a kid if something they've done is bad.

[Josy]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

In theory it's better because it will encourage them to actually think about the action and why it wasn't the right thing to do (rather than just "Oh no I'm in trouble!").

On the practical side though, my eldest is a little contrarian and always has been and I have absolutely no doubt she would have said "a GOOD choice " no matter what had happened

Lmao, this is the problem with my nephew, even when he punches his sister, writes on the wall and just does bad stuff in general everything is a 'good choice' with a knowing smirk tbh

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

If a child understands whats right and whats wrong without being hit or shouted at, I don't see the problem. Kids test boundaries all the time, so logic just doesn't work in that scenario.

Tbf I am quite comfortable stating that hitting or (grabbing / shaking / dragging) children is always the wrong choice. Beyond that, it's a parents own business how they discipline.

[Josy]

To add to what I posted^^ I genuinely then don't know what to say to him apart from 'ok I'm telling your maw'

[bitontheslide]

Originally Posted by Josy

Oh I completely agree with that but I also don't see any harm in telling a kid if something they've done is bad.

Absolutely. Can i just jump down these stairs would definitely get a "no that's bad" from me

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Josy

To add to what I posted^^ I genuinely then don't know what to say to him apart from 'ok I'm telling your maw'

That's what I do too . And they're my own kids .

I swear my wife has the best discipline tactic with her though... She makes her have these huge, long drawn out conversations about what has happened, and her future, and the type of person she wants to be. They can go on for a good hour. I'm pretty sure she would rather get the belt .

[The Slim Reaper]

It's a double edged sword; on one hand it seems like a bit of a silly rule. Most of the planet grew up with parents/guardians teaching us right from wrong without any long-lasting psychological scars, but on the other hand, being taught to reason from an early age is also a healthy thing, but the context is wrong.

[Josy]

Originally Posted by bitontheslide

Absolutely. Can i just jump down these stairs would definitely get a "no that's bad" from me

Same

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

That's what I do too . And they're my own kids .

I swear my wife has the best discipline tactic with her though... She makes her have these huge, long drawn out conversations about what has happened, and her future, and the type of person she wants to be. They can go on for a good hour. I'm pretty sure she would rather get the belt .

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by The Slim Reaper

It's a double edged sword; on one hand it seems like a bit of a silly rule. Most of the planet grew up with parents/guardians teaching us right from wrong without any long-lasting psychological scars, but on the other hand, being taught to reason from an early age is also a healthy thing, but the context is wrong.

The problem is that it's well meaning but slightly misguided... You can't teach a child under around the age of 11 certain aspects of empathy and abstract thought / logic. It doesn't matter how many times you go over it, the brain isn't physically fully developed, it's literally not possible.

Its easy to forget that though and that's what makes kids really frustrating. Especially at like 8/9/10... When they're getting bigger, and smarter, and TALK almost like adults, but their reasoning is just bat**** crazy but they can't comprehend why no one is believing them .

[Matthew.]

i cant think of a way of wording this that doesn’t compare children to animals but my mum does not let anyone say the word “bad” in front of our dog, instead use words like “naughty” or “cheeky” because she would often look sad and go lie in her bed when the word “bad” was mentioned. What you said reminded me of this