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06-09-2018, 03:19 PM | #1 | |||
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I've had and seen a few different debates today about parenting styles, and the extent to which the child's life should be controlled by the parent(s). Some parents give a considerable amount of autonomy to their children, allowing them to sleep when they want or partake in certain activities when they want. Other parents may give little autonomy, such as a fixed day-to-day routine or excluding the child from being able to make decisions on their life. But of course it's a lengthy spectrum.
I'd say I fell into the latter bracket when I was a child, I did what I was told and as a result was quite timid until I got to the age where I was allowed to make my own decisions. But within this bracket I learned to respect others, to hear other people and pretty much developed a "just get on with it" attitude which has been a major driving force in my later life. And I still see the positive in having considerable autonomy - one argument I've seen is that a child should be allowed to make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes. Perhaps learning about the consequences of bad decision-making in the early stages of our lives allows us to practice thinking more rationally and staying on the right path. Likewise I see the disadvantages of having little autonomy - it may often lead to a child reacting negatively later on to having a lack of control over their own lives, developing a "power trip" type personality when they are eventually given the opportunity to do what they want, because they may not have learned about consequences. There are a few interesting articles I've seen today, too. For example this article discusses a type of parent called a lawnmower parent: Quote:
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06-09-2018, 03:25 PM | #2 | |||
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I Love my brick
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hhhmmm that's a tough question, definitely depends on the age for a start, as they get older I think they should gradually get more choices. In regards to bedtimes, I'd be kind of strict about that weekdays alright. I don't know though, there could be a different answer to different situations/scenarios
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Spoiler: Last edited by Niamh.; 06-09-2018 at 03:33 PM. |
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06-09-2018, 03:32 PM | #3 | ||
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Senior Member
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It depends on the age.
If the child is below 10, certain rules should be taken into consideration though the child would hopefully be given a good amount of freedom. Above that age, maybe the child can control a bit of the rules as they are mature enough and I believe that if the child is 16 or above, they can do what they want as long as it’s appropriate. If the child goes out of the boundary zone such as underage smoking/drinking, then obviously the parents have to take matters into their own hands. |
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06-09-2018, 03:40 PM | #4 | |||
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You know my methods
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Too broad a topic tbh.
I dont let smallest boy LT sleep in at weekends for example and in general did the same with the girls as i see that as a waste of the day. Too much to do in life for lying in till 12. That said oldest girl LT will sleep in till 12 but that is because she got in hammered at 4 Smallest boy LT who is now 12 goes up at 10 now and has always had a set time as did the girls. Kids need a structure and so do parents for down time etc |
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06-09-2018, 03:43 PM | #5 | |||
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I Love my brick
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06-09-2018, 03:58 PM | #6 | |||
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06-09-2018, 08:14 PM | #7 | ||
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GENERALLY they have a lot of freedom with making their own decisions, my eldest even opted out of homework last year (and has this year decided off her own back that she wants to do it, and sits doing it of her own accord with zero complaints )...
...however... bed time / getting up time is the exception. Absolute chaos if it isn't insisted upon. |
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07-09-2018, 02:21 AM | #8 | ||||
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Triumph of the Weird
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That type of parenting you've specified Ashley really backfires imo, because then those parents are stuck "parenting" grown adults well into their 20's and early 30's... sadly, I have seen this with some of my peers. There are people older than me who have not moved out of the home, and make every excuse for lack of independence... I think it comes at the cost of their mental health in long-run...
I think some autonomy is better, relative to age obviously... but it helps to give children a chance to develop healthy codependency (which they'll need later to form social connections)... versus children who become sheltered and are expecting to have their decisions... boundaries are very important to instill too between parent and child... The US lifestyle in general does tend to mean we are more often coddling kids at the expense of society... there was an article I read recently... will have to search for it again. But one comparison... in places in Europe, kids are allowed to walk to the store... that doesn't really happen all that much here, especially if the kids are raised middle class and higher.. it's been culturally ingrained over the past few decades for parents to fear every possible thing that could go wrong... so while my neighborhood when I was growing up, we would walk to the shops and we were a bit more "fearless" as children... many suburbs now look like ghost towns here because parents are simply afraid to take the chance and people have become unnecessarily paranoid imo... It isn't very good, especially when we don't really have public transportation the way that Europe has it or certain areas of the country... everything is by car, so it just puts more strain on the parents. Moreover, we tend to have larger homes and as a result, much more privacy... so very easy for a child to go into their bedroom and just hide out for an entire summer... I remember going outside all the time when I was younger... but when I have kids, I worry about that because it has become so ingrained in our culture to be overprotective... my allowing kids more reign, like walking down the block... without parents who are on board, they'll have to do it alone and it's not really possible when people call the law here in suburbs for every silly reason... and then add in things like Nextdoor where people publicly shame parents/individuals for doing things that social deems "taboo"... is it even worth it with that taken into consideration? I think the trend will go backwards as the next generation comes into the realization that with social media creating a lot of anxieties for the younger generation, and our tendency to be so easily manipulated by fear-mongering... something will have to give there with the rise in mental health problems for our younger folk... imo. To my benefit, I live in a tropical climate with ample sunlight year-round. That can be a major boon for our local culture and I think it does help people to get more people outdoors... and with a higher minority pop, there's a more relaxed culture that does tend to focus around the families and neighborly get togethers... so my neighborhood is much more social as a result... Anyway, food for thought... obviously consider my locale. Related: Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation? https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine...ration/534198/ Quote:
How cultures around the world think about parenting https://ideas.ted.com/how-cultures-a...out-parenting/ Quote:
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Last edited by Maru; 07-09-2018 at 02:22 AM. |
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07-09-2018, 06:39 AM | #9 | |||
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beyonce of waltham forest
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I myself had a moderate amount of autonomy... For example, I had a set bedtime, although it was flexible... I was allowed to go out with my friends to drink... but I had to be back by midnight... I was allowed to get pissed ... but don't get stupid. So moderacy
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07-09-2018, 06:47 AM | #10 | |||
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Senior Member
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Age is a massive factor I think. My son is 7 so he has set bedtimes etc but I let him make decisions.on his free time - what activities he does, what parties he wants to go to etc. I want him to learn to be independent growing up and most importantly to never lie to me so I hope I'll give him enough freedom to do the things he wants whilst being safe and not having to tell me he is at a mates when he is out somewhere else. I don't want to be oblivious to his needs and stifle him but want him to be safe too.....getting that bit right is not easy though as I tend to be a bit neurotic too
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