[Romantic Old Bird]

Reg Hill and his wife, Norma, are on a driving holiday in Europe. It is something they have always dreamed of, and now Reg has retired, they have put all their savings into a gleaming new Camper-van.

Trundling slowly through Rumania, Reg has his speedometer firmly fixed on 30mph, and is looking for a place to park up for the night.

"Are you sure we are on the right road Norma?" asks Reg.

"Yes dear, it says here that we are in a place called Transylvania", replied Norma.

"That sounds sort of familiar, I don't know why," said Reg.

I think it's where that Nadia Comuneski came from reg. You know, the one you always liked," replied Norma.

"Oh yes, I think you're right. Well it's a nasty night, wherever we are. Not fit for man nor beast to be out. let's hope we find somewhere soon," he replied.

It's late, and raining very hard. Reg can barely see 10 feet in front of the car. Suddenly a goat runs in front of the van, and he brakes very hard to avoid it.

The camper-van goes out of control. Reg tries hard to right the skid, but to no avail. He swerves off the road and smashes into a tree.

Moments later, Reg, still dazed and confused looks over at the passenger seat and sees that Norma is unconscious.

The camper-van is undrivable, and there is not a soul in sight. In fact they haven't seen another vehicle for the last hour.

Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Reg knows he has to get Norma to the nearest habitat or phone.

Much as he loves the old girl, there is no way he could possibly carry her. After a few moments thought, Reg remembers the golf trolley in the van. He brings it round to the front, and after much huffing and puffing, manages to drape her across it.

He sets off pushing the trolley down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. Just as he was about to give up, he hears footsteps shuffling towards the door.

A small, hunched man opens the door, which creaks ominously.

"Yes?" he asks in an equally creaky voice.

"Hello, my name is Reg Hill, and this is my wife, Norma. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously injured. Can I please use your phone to summon help?"

"I'm sorry," replies the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. But, my master is a doctor. Please come in and I will get him." Reg wheels his wife in.

A very elegant man comes down the stairs.

"Good evening. I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not, in fact, a medical doctor.

I am a scientist.

However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had basic medical training.

I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory."

With that, Igor picks up Norma as if she were a small child, and carries her downstairs, with Reg following closely.

"This is most kind of you!" he said. "I can't thank you enough".

Igor places Norma on a table in the lab.

At this moment Reg collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries.

"Shall I put him on the other table Master?" asked Igor.

"Yes, please do, and be quick. I fear they are both very ill."

Igor places Reg on an adjoining table.

After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried.

"Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion."

Igor and his master work feverishly, but all to no avail.

Reg and Norma Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upsets Igor's master greatly.

Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his pipe organ. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. As the music fills the lab, from the corner of his eye he sees some movement.

Looking more closely, he notices the fingers on Norma's hand twitch.

Seconds later, he sees Reg's arm begin to rise! He is further amazed as Norma sits straight up!

Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master!... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

[Mairi]

ROB, I thought better of you!

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!