[Crimson Dynamo]

Every week I post a genuine issue from my bulging postbag and i invite the citizens of Tibb to reply with advice:




Dear LT: 'How can I stop my husband holding court at parties?'

My husband and I used to be extremely sociable: we went out a lot, and kept an open house. Friends used to visit us almost every weekend. That has changed in the course of time.

I recently began to notice that my husband gesticulates too much at the parties we still occasionally attend. He does it as if according to a pattern.

First, he catches people’s attention and then holds that attention, raising his voice, speaking faster and faster, mobilising his hands to gestures, like tossing pancakes or throwing his arms like crucified Jesus. I believe he thinks his speeches, because that’s what they are, are extremely interesting: he tackles what I call “heavy problems”.

When he is in full flow, I notice that people look around trying to interrupt, change the subject or say something themselves. But no, my husband must be the leader of conversation.

I feel we are invited out less and less and worry it’s because friends don’t want to subject themselves to his arm-waving and speechifying.

How can I tell him to change his body language, to try to listen more and generally calm down?

Evita, Maidstone