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Old 28-02-2020, 11:27 PM #1
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Default BRAND NEW PROJECT FOR BBC - would be grateful for feedback

Our latest project has been for Radio. A weekly Viral character called Val from Anfield. Every week she rings into Paul Beesleys show on BBC Radio Merseyside to have a chat and offer advice. This week wants to chat about her favourite tv show Rupauls Drag Race

Its a great platform for us during this pandemic as it means we get to keep writing and its being heard on rather a prestigious platform

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPR1me0xYfM&t

Been working on some new material. Please check out a mini look at our Parody reality series MOVIE STAR MOMS



You can also still check out our comedy short mockumentary called Gregory's Girls set in a bakery



I do hope you enjoy it and would welcome any and all feedback.

This is supporting material in our bid to get other works sold
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Old 28-02-2020, 11:40 PM #2
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Omg Matthew will love this!
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:01 AM #3
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The writings a lot better than the acting

Also, why does it look like it’s dubbed? Sometimes the mouths seem to be a split second out from the audio?
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:21 AM #4
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Sorry ellie...nice idea..but I would have concentrated on the customers more for my main characters..hope it works though.
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:37 AM #5
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Quote:
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The writings a lot better than the acting

Also, why does it look like it’s dubbed? Sometimes the mouths seem to be a split second out from the audio?
I’m shocked that you think the acting is bad? I thought it was performed beautifully. Who was the weak link?

Also it was dubbed in places because we literally had 0 budget and the noise from the fans in set was mega noisy. So dialogue had to be replaced
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:38 AM #6
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Sorry ellie...nice idea..but I would have concentrated on the customers more for my main characters..hope it works though.
This was only a pilot for proof of concept.

There are
Many many customer encounters later on.
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:38 AM #7
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Debut thank you both for the feedback xxx
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:52 AM #8
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Honestly, it's pretty great, the opening gave it a real professional feel, and it'd be something I might watch if I ever caught a bit of it on TV
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Old 29-02-2020, 02:44 AM #9
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Her Hair
needs to be tied up
The First Lady.

The Lady like is not nice.
I assume it stays only on You Tube
grabbing her phone
not very informative?


4 Producers
lot of backing................

David Catterall Product.


I will give it 8 out 10
for all his hard work

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Old 29-02-2020, 07:10 AM #10
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....I like how it reflects current things, like Gregory’s vegan sausage roll...but it feels a bit retro as well.../...a bit Dinner Ladies..?...you have a talent in your writing, Ellie ...and it’s definitely a path you should pursue...Thank you for an 8 minute smile.....

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Old 29-02-2020, 09:58 AM #11
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Some wonderful feedback here. So glad many of you enjoyed it xx
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Old 29-02-2020, 10:20 AM #12
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I liked it and would watch a series of it, Donna was great and the actress was really good and I enjoyed the intro.

I think you need a few more characters though, maybe an older lady always gossiping or an almost mute teen and I think customer interactions would be funny. Hopefully Moira would be more fleshed out too, in this she was just annoying.
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Old 29-02-2020, 11:11 AM #13
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Have you taken it to any TV executives?

Are you on the British comedy forum? There's a few fellow sitcom writers on there who you can chat with.

For me, as a huge British sitcom fan, it's not my cup of tea. I prefer the miserable, moaning, bigoted characters, they make for the funniest comedy. That's why the likes of Alf Garnett. Basil Fawlty, Victor Meldrew and Jim Royle are so iconic.

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Old 29-02-2020, 11:19 AM #14
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This Moira character reminded me a bit of a Pemberton and Shearsmith character. She reminded me a bit of the character, Hattie, from Psychoville.
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Old 29-02-2020, 11:34 AM #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Alf View Post
Have you taken it to any TV executives?

Are you on the British comedy forum? There's a few fellow sitcom writers on there who you can chat with.

For me, as a huge British sitcom fan, it's not my cup of tea. I prefer the miserable, moaning, bigoted characters, they make for the funniest comedy. That's why the likes of Alf Garnett. Basil Fawlty, Victor Meldrew and Jim Royle are so iconic.
Thank you for the honest feedback.

Humour is incredibly subjective. Like music tastes. For me I’ve always been turned off by miserable and awkward comedy.

A lot of people find cringe comedy hilarious but it just makes me uncomfortable.

I do love absurd and camp comedy.

But hey thank you so much for taking the time to watch x
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:18 PM #16
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Its just a take on the office and its not funny or likely to be picked up in mo. Acting is sub par.

But i am judging against what i see on tv.
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:19 PM #17
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Quote:
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Its just a take on the office and its not funny or likely to be picked up in mo. Acting is sub par.

But i am judging against what i see on tv.
Wow harsh. Thanks
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Old 29-02-2020, 12:26 PM #18
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It could go on on GoldHD
or DaveHD

So long as the Star's do the rounds on every morning TV & Radio show over 2 weeks before
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Old 29-02-2020, 06:16 PM #19
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Quote:
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It could go on on GoldHD
or DaveHD

So long as the Star's do the rounds on every morning TV & Radio show over 2 weeks before
I think we will aim a little higher than that 🤣
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Old 01-03-2020, 11:49 AM #20
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Bump for anyone who missed it
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Old 01-03-2020, 11:54 AM #21
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Are you from St Helens, Ellie?
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Old 01-03-2020, 11:54 AM #22
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Quote:
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I think we will aim a little higher than that 🤣
Ch4HD Late Night

or Ch5HD
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Old 01-03-2020, 11:57 AM #23
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I think we will aim a little higher than that ��
like what?

if it was good enough it would it be up to you how the PR is done - you go where you are told.

Ricky Gervais does radio and morning TV to promote his shows as do all the stars as they understand PR.

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Old 01-03-2020, 12:41 PM #24
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Are you from St Helens, Ellie?
I’m not. I’m from Liverpool
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Old 01-03-2020, 12:43 PM #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet View Post
like what?

if it was good enough it would it be up to you how the PR is done - you go where you are told.

Ricky Gervais does radio and morning TV to promote his shows as do all the stars as they understand PR.
I know how the industry works

You’re opinion is just that. Yours

99.9% of the feedback across social media has been overwhelmingly positive

Thank you for watching though 🙏❤️
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