Quote:
Originally Posted by LaLaLand
I guess more underdog than any of the other options.
Me and my big group of mates (lads and girls) sort of knew and got on with everyone, real "Inbetweeners" if you like. Just sort of coasted through, no bothers with anyone but never really being "popular". I was always generally awkward and lacked confidence in myself but seemed to still do okay generally.
God I miss school.
|
I know. Was brutal at times like. And hated it at the time too. But looking back, it was (so far) the best time of my life like. Keep attempting to tell the stepkids to enjoy it, and actually see friends outside of school. I hate that they have to be 'encouraged' to do it, and that it costs me so much each time they go out as its always bowling or something else costly, with a meal, and bus..usually taxi fare back (I was out most days..and rarely got even a quid. Got my fiver pocket money on a weeknd and that was about it) but my GOD it annoys me that they just sit on screens. There has actually been times, where I have literally put fifty quid beside my stepdaughter and told her to ring her friends, and meet for the weekend, and if any of them need cash and their parents cannot that I will give her enough to cover ffs, just go out and talk. At one stage, she took full advantage of that mind, and would specifically not budge to go out, until offered something to do so even if she had plans she would pretend she didn't..manipulative things, teens
It wouldn't even bother me much if they had friends over to be on screens/games, or went to a friends and socialised at the same time...but sitting alone, with a phone, scrolling through SM constantly..its depressing to watch. That may be me showing my age though
Its definitely strange stopping myself from saying, again, stuff along the lines of, 'you will regret this' (
) and 'schools the best time of your bloody life you twat, stop stressing so much about fitting in and just be!' (said to..older child. Not the younger ones
) and remembering they...see me the way I saw my mam then. Like, the old past it crone, who might have had her best days at school but that wouldn't be me, as my life after school...WHEN I COULD HAVE A LIFE AND PRIVACY /doorslam. And then get my own place and a job and all thats good in the world so the stress of being a teen goes away and instead you balance bills easily, and can always afford to go out when you like, and stay up til as late as you want without someone moaning and buy anything you fancy with your loads of spare cash each month...and all of that, it would be so fantastic. Mam/Vicky clearly just had a boring life (!) as I know when I am an adult, all will be better overnight!
Quote:
Originally Posted by LaLaLand
One thing I will say though, I feel like that "awkward teenage phase" for me anyway lasted WAY longer than what it was supposed to - and I'm talking 10+ years longer.
Like everyone's awkward through high school and probably up to 18/20 but I'm 30 years old now and finally feel like I'm comfortable with and know myself now properly, just.
Life has a way of hitting you like a ton of bricks and years of anxiety/depression, self esteem issues, abusing food and basically being a recluse took their toll on me and basically robbed me of my whole 20's decade but thankfully I've managed to turn it around and finally (better late than never) I'm at a place where I feel and look happier than I've been in probably 13~ years.
I look like a completely different person now compared to when we went into lockdown or just before thanks to a huge lifestyle change where I dropped 11 stone - so much so the above mentioned school friends haven't recognised me when they've seen me out and about. 
Can't wait to get back out there once we're eventually out of lockdown - there was talk of a school reunion too as it'll be 15 years this July since we left. Crazy how time flies! |
Ha. Am not sure the awkward teenage self ever goes away really. It may hide, but mines not gone yet, and am mid thirties!
I thought I had finally 'adulted' though. Like, I spent many years waiting to feel mature and it never came. I then I learnt to calm down certain behaviours, and learnt how to act in some scnearios..but..nothing ever really changed. Then one day, it randomly kind of felt like it had. Not even sure when it changed. But I felt 'adult' instead of 'weird socially awkward teenage twat' anyway.
I realise now though that, as you say, that was depression setting in. I went maybe 9 years? Thinking it was normal to feel like that. Basically, like everything in life was a chore, basically life is to make your way through, then die. Sounds obvious when put like that, but my brain rationalised it all so much.. I only recently found out it was not (which has kind of knocked me for six, as I was the one who could spot a depressed friend at a moments glance really..the one who noticed the little changes others tend to miss, so how I didn't see it glaring me in the face is odd as **** really), after having one night where I felt like I used to...my whole world view kind of shifted back, and am now having a bit of a personal crisis to be quite honest...as...I now see I was wrong in thinking how I was going on was normal, but also, my life doesn't want me to know this it seems and in many aspects would much prefer me to go on just..existing as its easier. So am kind of in rebellion mode much of the time, VERY much with some people I know..being combative and sometimes childish. Still being a mam, of course. But being...me at the same time. Or, as it turns out NOT at the same time, as my...dodgy days..I tend to spend at my sisters, or my mams, with no kids to worry about as someone else is watching them..granted not 100% 'free' unless they are staying elsewhere though. I could never, for example, get mortal drunk when I knew the kids were there and would be up in a few hours, even if my parents would 'watch' them somewhat...as need to reserve energy for them... Hence being able to be..worry free during those times. Which feels bloody great
Totally get where you are coming from on the lockdown thing. Though, it was not lockdown that helped me, it was just...my epiphany came during the lockdown
Mind, have also steadily lost near 2 stone now, during the xmas lockdown alone..despite eating largely the same crap, mind. My mam says to go to the docs. The docs, would likely diagnose that immediately and it would be the only thing they 'fix' of mine, the one positive thing, while leaving everything else as it is! I think that would put me in a rage so bad I may have to change GPs tbh..and I have nowhere to change to bar private, which I cannot afford. So am waiting til am another stone down and at ideal weight, before going about that, which my mother is going mad about..but she ignores her own health issues so
She cannot really speak as she has to realise, her ignoring hers until it suits, is the same as me doing the same bloody thing, even if it seems different as its not her in 'potential' danger!).
Everyone else I know seems to have put on, and are now panicking about going back into the world 2 stone over!
How outgoing/popular were you in school?
) and got along with all 'factions' really, so equally, could socialise with pretty much anyone I wanted to at any given time. I think this was hugely helped by one of my close friends mothers being the local dealer though, another friends dad was also a dealer but also sold cigs cheap, which were bought by half the school (cigs not drugs..he wouldnt sell to under 18s, unlike..other friends mother :/ ) too which I am sure helped.
)
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