[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

Exactly.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

The actual worst I saw was on the forum I ran - someone was complaining that she couldn't get income support/child tax credits and was having to get by on just child benefit (£35 a week) for both her and the kids ... when her husband was on over £150k/year salary. He paid their mortgage, bills etc, and for the food and household goods shopping but other than that wouldn't give her any money. Clothes for herself, things like days out with the kids, all were supposed to be funded from "her income"... and she vehemently defended this position and was only angry that she couldn't get more benefits "as she personally had no income". I should clarify - this wasn't a child support situation. They were married, living together, and planning more kids.

I was utterly gobsmacked and it kind of kicked off a bit. She was one of our mods, it was pretty messy . Part of the dramatic "factional split" and end of the forum actually .

[ThomasC]

If I had a boyfriend I would buy him lovely perfume, flowers and stuff.

Just saying.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

The actual worst I saw was on the forum I ran - someone was complaining that she couldn't get income support/child tax credits and was having to get by on just child benefit (£35 a week) for both her and the kids ... when her husband was on over £150k/year salary. He paid their mortgage, bills etc, and for the food and household goods shopping but other than that wouldn't give her any money. Clothes for herself, things like days out with the kids, all were supposed to be funded from "her income"... and she vehemently defended this position and was only angry that she couldn't get more benefits "as she personally had no income". I should clarify - this wasn't a child support situation. They were married, living together, and planning more kids.

I was utterly gobsmacked and it kind of kicked off a bit. She was one of our mods, it was pretty messy . Part of the dramatic "factional split" and end of the forum actually .

I mean I presume they were actually his children too? That is horrific though, how on earth could he justify that in his own head? I mean you can't actually like your partner (or your children) very much if you're watching them struggle while you're getting paid a massive salary, it's pretty disgusting financial abuse. That woman was probably suffering some serious manipulation by him. The thing to do there (well what I'd do is leave the prick but) would be to get back to work yourself and pay someone to mind the children and have him contribute towards that to see how much her being at home actually saves the family

[michael21]

Originally Posted by Josy

We've always put our money together since day 1

Yea that a normal relationship

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

We don't technically have a joint account but we do have an account we use as one. I have two bank accounts, we use my main bank account like a joint account, then I have another account and she has her own account. We get paid into our own accounts etc, individual bills (phones, individual subscriptions like PSN) come from that account. I think you have to have SOME individual money to avoid disputes on how to spend, I guess. Like I don't want to have to justify spending £60 on a game, my wife has a £70/month phone and I would never spend that on a phone etc... also, for things like birthday and christmas, easier to keep things a surprise (e.g. my wife spent £400 on a VR headset last Christmas - I would definitely have noticed that coming out of the "joint" account )

But then we each pay into the other account for "joint" bills (house, council tax, utilities, fuel, subs we all use like Netflix/Spotify et al) and we also just transfer money to that as and when we need it for things like everyday shopping. When we go out for meals, since it's rare, usually whoever suggested it transfers the funds, but we sort of just keep topping up that account based on whoever happens to have cash that isn't earmarked for any specific use .

TBH though we could probably be more organised and we're not the most sensible with our disposable income. We had a kid straight out of Uni and our only income was me as a little bookies cashier on minimum wage so "disposable income" was like £10 here, £15 there... £50 would have required some serious thought before spending... basically all of our money was taken up by bills and supermarket... but as our income increases exponentially we still seem to be in that mindset. Pay the bills, do the food shopping, spend what's left... except now that's thousands in disposable income every month and I have no ****ing idea where we spend it. I get to the end of the month and think "we can't have spent all that" then look back over the bank statements like "Oh yeah... oh yeah I forgot about that... oh and there was that day we went to Dobbies...". We should really have a savings account but instead we "treat ourselves" like we used to, except it's every damn day not once a month .

Don't you ever want to buy your own place? I would worry with renting the landlord would pull the rug and we would all be homeless

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

If I had a boyfriend I would buy him lovely perfume, flowers and stuff.

Just saying.

Smithy are you listening?

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah that's pretty bad, you're either working as a team or why did you bother getting married. I would find it very weird to see one half of a couple struggling for money while the other is flush. Like I couldn't even imagine me not being able to afford something I needed while Gav watched on and said aw too bad for you while he was rolling in cash or vice versa

I wouldn't be able to live with someone like that, I worked with a girl and she lived with her b/f and when they went food shopping they split the food as to what would be eaten, like wtf how does that work

even when I shared a house we had a mutual kitty for weekly essentials so it wasn't like one person buying the binbags

[michael21]

Josy and nim are right if your in a relationship you put your money together that how relationship work it not about single people if your on a relationship then both sound be one

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by michael21

Josy and nim are right if your in a relationship you put your money together that how relationship work it not about single people if your on a relationship then both sound be one

You trying to get Charlotte to hand over her hard earned cash

[Smithy]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Smithy are you listening?

I’ll send him my PO Box Address

[michael21]

Originally Posted by Cherie

You trying to get Charlotte to hand over her hard earned cash

Money not really a issue if you really love someone

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Don't you ever want to buy your own place? I would worry with renting the landlord would pull the rug and we would all be homeless

Yes Cherie hence why I said we should PROBABLY be saving, we pay as much in rent as we would on a mortgage, the obstacles are 1) saving for a deposit (as mentioned, we are BAD at this) and 2) houses are like gold dust where we live, and we don't want to relocate... the other villages around here are horrible and moving further out isn't realistic because of schools.

The landlord isn't going to pull the rug in terms of selling up but I think he's pretty old (we have never actually met our landlord, it's all through property management) and I sometimes worry that he'll simply die and whoever inherits the house will want to sell.

We are currently considering asking to buy from the landlord direct. I feel like they'd consider it if it was a no-hassle sale, would be attractive to them as a seller as it leaves out listing fees/agents cut etc. but the real issue there is that when we buy we'll be looking for slightly bigger. There's room for an extension (we're on a corner/big corner garden and literally every other house in the area which was built with the same setup has been extended) but it would be a pretty major project. Windows/boiler also need updating. Roof might need work. I dunno, it sounds like a lot of effort. Our income should be bumping up by another £5000 - £10000 this year so I reckon 2022 will be the year for seriously weighing up options.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I mean I presume they were actually his children too? That is horrific though, how on earth could he justify that in his own head? I mean you can't actually like your partner (or your children) very much if you're watching them struggle while you're getting paid a massive salary, it's pretty disgusting financial abuse. That woman was probably suffering some serious manipulation by him. The thing to do there (well what I'd do is leave the prick but) would be to get back to work yourself and pay someone to mind the children and have him contribute towards that to see how much her being at home actually saves the family

Yep, his own kids . She insisted she was totally on board with their setup, that he "offered her housekeeping money" but she felt wrong in "taking his money from him" (but fine on benefits - not that I have any issue at all with people who genuinely need them, we got Child Tax Credit for several years, but in this case really quite confusing).

I'm not sure I believed her though, nor did several other members, and that's partly what caused such a massive drama, the term "financial abuse" did come up and that's when it went into meltdown.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Smithy

I’ll send him my PO Box Address

Don't turn your back on love

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Yep, his own kids . She insisted she was totally on board with their setup, that he "offered her housekeeping money" but she felt wrong in "taking his money from him" (but fine on benefits - not that I have any issue at all with people who genuinely need them, we got Child Tax Credit for several years, but in this case really quite confusing).

I'm not sure I believed her though, nor did several other members, and that's partly what caused such a massive drama, the term "financial abuse" did come up and that's when it went into meltdown.

Taking money from her own husband for HIS kids? wtf? You're either a family or you're not :/

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Yes Cherie hence why I said we should PROBABLY be saving, we pay as much in rent as we would on a mortgage, the obstacles are 1) saving for a deposit (as mentioned, we are BAD at this) and 2) houses are like gold dust where we live, and we don't want to relocate... the other villages around here are horrible and moving further out isn't realistic because of schools.

The landlord isn't going to pull the rug in terms of selling up but I think he's pretty old (we have never actually met our landlord, it's all through property management) and I sometimes worry that he'll simply die and whoever inherits the house will want to sell.

We are currently considering asking to buy from the landlord direct. I feel like they'd consider it if it was a no-hassle sale, would be attractive to them as a seller as it leaves out listing fees/agents cut etc. but the real issue there is that when we buy we'll be looking for slightly bigger. There's room for an extension (we're on a corner/big corner garden and literally every other house in the area which was built with the same setup has been extended) but it would be a pretty major project. Windows/boiler also need updating. Roof might need work. I dunno, it sounds like a lot of effort. Our income should be bumping up by another £5000 - £10000 this year so I reckon 2022 will be the year for seriously weighing up options.

aw cool, that work wouldn't phase me, I will send Mr C

A double story extension would take about 12 weeks

Roof is a two week job

Windows 2/3 days

boiler - 2 days

you should definately make enquires about buying, think banks are given 5% deposits again

get some quotes of how much the work would cost, it doesn't all need to be done in one hit ...like a 5 year plan or something

I would be pestering the agent to get in touch with the owner

[michael21]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Don't turn your back on love

That his fav position

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Cherie

aw cool, that work wouldn't phase me, I will send Mr C

A double story extension would take about 12 weeks

Roof is a two week job

Windows 2/3 days

boiler - 2 days

you should definately make enquires about buying, think banks are given 5% deposits again

get some quotes of how much the work would cost, it doesn't all need to be done in one hit ...like a 5 year plan or something

I would be pestering the agent to get in touch with the owner

I don't want to give the landlord a whiff of it as a plan until we're actually in a position to actually do it, because it might give him ideas .

I'm also waiting for my credit rating to finally jump back up, I managed to properly default on a ****ing Vodaphone contract for the amount of £40!! 5.5 years ago because I cancelled the direct debit a month too early and it was just before we moved house... and it's been haunting my credit ever since. Utterly ludicrous. I didn't know anything about it until it had already been on my score for over a year. But it finally falls off my report in January . I'm unreasonably excited, which makes me feel like such a boring old fart .

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I don't want to give the landlord a whiff of it as a plan until we're actually in a position to actually do it, because it might give him ideas .

I'm also waiting for my credit rating to finally jump back up, I managed to properly default on a ****ing Vodaphone contract for the amount of £40!! 5.5 years ago because I cancelled the direct debit a month too early and it was just before we moved house... and it's been haunting my credit ever since. Utterly ludicrous. I didn't know anything about it until it had already been on my score for over a year. But it finally falls off my report in January . I'm unreasonably excited, which makes me feel like such a boring old fart .

welcome

you will be looking up your pension forecast next

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Cherie

you will be looking up your pension forecast next

I did that in May because th'bookies sent through an annual statement of the pension I had with them and I noticed it was transferrable so I was talking to the accountant of my new place about having the money from there transferred over. The pensions scheme at my new place outperforms the crap generic one by a mile .

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

I did that in May because th'bookies sent through an annual statement of the pension I had with them and I noticed it was transferrable so I was talking to the accountant of my new place about having the money from there transferred over. The pensions scheme at my new place outperforms the crap generic one by a mile .

well then

[LeatherTrumpet]

"Don’t marry a rich man. Marry a good man. He will spend his life trying to make you
happy. No rich man can buy that."

[LeatherTrumpet]

Romans 13:8
New International Version
Love Fulfills the Law

8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.

[Babayaro.]

Originally Posted by Smithy

Take turns or split it

This