[Crimson Dynamo]

Shell Announces Plans To Plant Single Tree For Every Irreversible Planetary
Disaster It Causes



LONDON—Describing the initiative as its most far-reaching contribution yet
to the climate fight, multinational oil company Shell announced plans
Tuesday to plant a single tree for every irreversible planet-wide disaster it
causes. “We want to become part of the solution, and that’s why we’re proud
to unveil our new One-for-One initiative, which will see us planting a single
cedar tree for each deadly global catastrophe we’ve personally created,” said
Shell CEO Ben van Beurden, admitting that the petroleum conglomerate’s
115-year history had been less than stellar and setting a clear timeline that
would see a tree planted by 2030 to make amends for the first mass-casualty
phenomenon the company had inflicted upon the world. “So far, it’s one tree
total. But if we ever set into motion another cataclysmic process that kills
millions of people and displaces many more, we’ll be right out there planting
a second tree. Who knows? Maybe there’s even a third tree in the cards.” At
press time, an external audit found that budget concerns had forced Shell to
shift gears and instead plant a small shrub.

https://www.shell.com/business-custo...-contacts.html
https://www.theonion.com/shell-announces-plans-to-plant-single-tree-for-every-ir-1848861446