[Oliver_W]

Monday
Tallyho Diary, my old boiler! I hope you are having a fantabulous day! It's about to get even better, for I am going to make my entry into you!
Today I was compiling a new workout playlist. Full of bangers like Lady Gaga, ABBA, and Eurovision. Just so you know, Diary, I could benchpress all those people combined!
Thought for the day - have you ever consider chewing broken glass, then beheading rabbits with your teeth?!

Tuesday
OMG, Diary-mine, you're never going to believe this!!
I was in Harvey Nicholls (that's obvs a regular occurence for I, do hold) and this man was flirting with me!! He kept asking if I was okay, and I saw his eyes on me whenever I picked up an item of clothing! He wanted to carry my purchases around for me, I know it! I didn't get anything though.
He was really tall and broad. He had a shirt and tie on, UNDER a glow-in-the-day vest. I don't think he was fully into it though, for he kept speaking into an earpiece.
Mind, he was looking at me every time he spoke, so maybe he was telling his friend about the sexy specimen he was sharing oxygen with!
Before I sign off, My Dear Diary, I'd like to retract one sentence - I erronsously supposed that someone fliring with me is unbelievable?! Bonkers!

Wednesday
Howdy Pardner! How's it hanging, Diary!!
Today is midweek - some people refer to Weds as Hump Day, though I am yet to ascertain as to why.
But what do I call today? CHEAT DAY!
When the delivery man came, I rather do think I resembled a lone wolf who had just spotted her Russian peasant. That extra celery stick and half-jacket really hit the spot.
But Diary, I think I overindulged, for I.have no thought of the day! I'll be your THOT of the day.

Thursday
Hiiii-dee-hi, hello camper! Ah, that's not fair now is, Beloved Epistle. Even though you're a pink journal with a unicorn on the front and a heart-shaped padlock, if either one of us is "camper", his name is Yours Truly.
Thought for the day - what is it with mirrors?! They always stare at me! I try to tend to my houseplants or work on my guns (more like mo'shmucking BAZOOKERS, ammirite?!) and the mirrors can't stop staring at me! The way they hungrily lick their lips is a bit offputting.

Frigay
Hello there Diary! The weekend is here! Well, almost.
I'm thinking of taking a mini-break... I hear Cardiff is an amazing place, and the guys there are hot too!
I might even get to see Doctor Who being filmed! But it's dangerous for someone like me to go near a film set, as my beauty will distract everyone. And there's also the worry that if I grin, my shiny teeth will ruin the camera lenses.
Yeah, Cardiff is out.

Saturday
Diary, me! I've been having nightmares! I fell asleep watching scary movies (Insidious, Exorcist, Mrs Doubtfire) and they really stuck with me! Speaking of nightmares, I look an absolute dreamboat today, I'm sure you agree.

Sunday
Okay Diary, to business! I'm handing you back to the real ThomasC now.
I hope you don't find any of this offensive. For your "Diary Persona" I blended Bertie Wooster with Cat from Red Dwarf.
Have a fab evening