[Redway]

Okay.

[Redway]

I’m obviously not accepting that friend request either.

How low can you stoop in one night?

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Redway

I’m obviously not accepting that friend request either.

How low can you stoop in one night?

I only did it cause you seem to have fallen out with yourself tonight and decided to take it out on others..felt bad for you losing your only friend
.

[Redway]

There’s never been a time on here where I considered you to be anything like a forum buddy, let alone friend. Try not to flatter yourself.

That doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re an okay chap deep down. But let’s just respect ourselves in the meantime. M’kay?

[Redway]

Then again there’s no harm in actually getting to know someone a bit better and letting go of old pain and frustration.

I might just be prepared to give you a chance. Let’s just draw a line under all this because it’s actually given me a headache.

By the way, the drink you’re talking about is Malta Guinness and I agree that it’s not terribly-palatable (I don’t mind it but it’s not my favourite). You might want to try Supermalt. Your local Tesco will have it if you’re lucky.

[Toy Soldier]

This thread was just the rollercoaster I needed to perk me up for work this morning. Who needs coffee?

Anyway, on the thread topic, my youngest daughter has complex learning disabilities and language issues meaning that without very specialist childcare, only me and my wife (and her school… ish) can actually look after her. If I was mega-rich we would probably have a specialist nanny of some sort. And then we could socialise AT ALL, rather than pretty much zero .

[parmnion]

Originally Posted by Redway

Then again there’s no harm in actually getting to know someone a bit better and letting go of old pain and frustration.

I just might be prepared to give you a chance. Let’s just draw a line under all this because it’s actually given me a headache.

By the way, the drink you’re talking about is Malta Guinness and I agree that it’s not terribly-palatable (I don’t mind it but it’s not my favourite). You might want to try Supermalt. Your local Tesco will have it if you’re lucky.

Heavenly Father, thank You. Thank You for being everything to me and for me. You are faithful! You are concerned with everything that concerns me. I am grateful for Your Holy Spirit that comforts me during times of fear and doubt. Thank You for everything that You’ve done for me; seen and unseen. I will praise Your name, forever! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by parmnion

I know your parents failed you by not beating some respect into you.

Below the belt.

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

This thread was just the rollercoaster I needed to perk me up for work this morning. Who needs coffee?

Anyway, on the thread topic, my youngest daughter has complex learning disabilities and language issues meaning that without very specialist childcare, only me and my wife (and her school… ish) can actually look after her. If I was mega-rich we would probably have a specialist nanny of some sort. And then we could socialise AT ALL, rather than pretty much zero .

Section 17?

Important that you have time to socialise and have time out.

Just my opinion btw before you tell me I must be qualified to suggest one.

[Cherie]

This is the plot twist we waited all our lives for, a Parmy and Redway bromance

[LeatherTrumpet]

Originally Posted by Cherie

This is the plot twist we waited all our lives for, a Parmy and Redway bromance

I had a starring role early on in the thread and was adroitly cast alongside Sherrif but got written out in page 3 and parmy got all the best lines and stories

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

I had a starring role early on in the thread and was adroitly cast alongside Sherrif but got written out in page 3 and parmy got all the best lines and stories

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

Section 17?

Important that you have time to socialise and have time out.

Just my opinion btw before you tell me I must be qualified to suggest one.

We don't have (or want) significant social work involvement and it takes her a long time to get to know/trust someone enough for them to care for her without causing her significant stress. The care that a council will provide is, for one, often lacklustre but more importantly it's just "whoever is available" - she would need the same person that she knows & trusts each time and local councils just don't have the resources to offer that.

It's not that we can't socialise at all - we can EACH socialise (lunch and a few drinks with friends, etc.) but it would be nice to be able to socialise together as well. We get plenty of time together as a couple as we're both 9 - 5 workers, so we have every evening together, it would just be good to actually be able to go out for dinner or go places as a couple occasionally.

Not sustainable forever to be fair and we'll likely need to look at care support as she gets older, but she's only 9 so at the moment there's more priority on keeping her regulated and as anxiety-free as possible which means only leaving her with people she knows and trusts. The only family member we've ever been able to leave her with is my sister and she lives 2.5 hours (and a boat ride) away so that's been for "events" (awards ceremonies, weddings, etc.) rather than a regular thing.

But yeah on the thread topic, if money was no object I'd totally hire a full-time staff member and palm her off on them regularly .

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

We don't have (or want) significant social work involvement and it takes her a long time to get to know/trust someone enough for them to care for her without causing her significant stress. The care that a council will provide is, for one, often lacklustre but more importantly it's just "whoever is available" - she would need the same person that she knows & trusts each time and local councils just don't have the resources to offer that.

It's not that we can't socialise at all - we can EACH socialise (lunch and a few drinks with friends, etc.) but it would be nice to be able to socialise together as well. We get plenty of time together as a couple as we're both 9 - 5 workers, so we have every evening together, it would just be good to actually be able to go out for dinner or go places as a couple occasionally.

Not sustainable forever to be fair and we'll likely need to look at care support as she gets older, but she's only 9 so at the moment there's more priority on keeping her regulated and as anxiety-free as possible which means only leaving her with people she knows and trusts. The only family member we've ever been able to leave her with is my sister and she lives 2.5 hours (and a boat ride) away so that's been for "events" (awards ceremonies, weddings, etc.) rather than a regular thing.

But yeah on the thread topic, if money was no object I'd totally hire a full-time staff member and palm her off on them regularly .

Yeah I get all of that.

Recruitment of PAs can be a nightmare. A lot of people don't want to do it or the individual is too complex for PAs to manage.... Continuity is a big issue which you mention. Not enough resources.

Short breaks is an option, but again, like you say, getting regular and familiar staff at the minute is just really difficult....even more so at the minute with a lot of places using agency....some not even fit to work in social care and can struggle to speak English and understand it.

Sounds like you manage it very well.

Yeah if money was no object then quite a lot of problems would be resolved. You'd entice more people to want to actually do the job, you'd have more resources and access to help, you'd have services that haven't been cut. At the minute, resources are often put more into profound and severe needs and a lot go under the radar. LA just RAG rate, but what else are you suppose to do.

[Redway]

I hate overly-outgoing people who hone in on the social/private lives of other people (usually people they don’t even know that well) and assume they’re depressed or socially-anxious-avoidant just because they’re not being as gregarious and outgoing as they’d like them to be. Even when money’s not an object many people have quiet intellectual hobbies and tight curated circles of time-tested friends. They’d rather just stay in that lane and play to their comforts in peace than put on an act for people who’ve decided that X is too reclusive for their liking. Not minding your own business when it comes to stuff like that won’t get you far but so many people out there just don’t get it.

That’s not to say that any personally type can’t be depressed (in any shade or form) or socially-anxious but many people seem to conflate social introversion with them and it just doesn’t help anybody. Unless it’s obvious that they’re actually not well, they’re probably just fine. The only reason they’re not cool is people telling them that their quiet lifestyle isn’t cool.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

This thread was just the rollercoaster I needed to perk me up for work this morning. Who needs coffee?

Anyway, on the thread topic, my youngest daughter has complex learning disabilities and language issues meaning that without very specialist childcare, only me and my wife (and her school… ish) can actually look after her. If I was mega-rich we would probably have a specialist nanny of some sort. And then we could socialise AT ALL, rather than pretty much zero .

What’s the nature of her difficulties if you don’t mind me asking?

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Redway

What’s the nature of her difficulties if you don’t mind me asking?

Officially ASD, PDA, some anxiety issues in recent years and she's learning disabled specifically related to language mostly. I personally believe she may have brain injury (traumatic birth, the cord was tight around her neck for an indeterminate amount of time) and I think that most of her issues essentially come down to language and communication and associated confusion/frustration. She's a bit of an "odd case" in that she has significant learning disability in terms of "normal education" but is actually an extremely fast & proficient learner at any non-verbal task (tech use, she uses design apps proficiently, her drawing skills etc. are age approproate), high problem solving ability, and while there's significant "formal learning" and social delay there's basically no developmental delay (her likes and interests, TV and music tastes, and attitude ... lol ... are all very age appropriate for a 9 year old).

tl;dr I'm not 100% on her official diagnoses, but further investigations would be intrusive and distressing so just not worth exploring at this point. It wouldn't really change any of the approaches at present. Again might be something we explore as she approaches adulthood.

[Redway]

Bless her. What do you think the odds are of her attaining independence once she’s an adult?

For what it’s worth I think she sounds like a really bright girl (in her own way). One thing I’ve gotten to know over the years is that there’s always a lot more to people in general than what meets the eye. An outsider is never going to get the full picture so I don’t write off even people with diagnosed learning difficulties. They might actually be super-smart in a way that they just can’t express to us.

[Toy Soldier]

Originally Posted by Redway

Bless her. What do you think the odds are of her attaining independence once she’s an adult?

For what it’s worth I think she sounds like a really bright girl (in her own way). One thing I’ve gotten to know over the years is that there’s always a lot more to people in general than what meets the eye. An outsider is never going to get the full picture so I don’t write off even people with diagnosed learning difficulties. They might actually be super-smart in a way that they just can’t express to us.

She'll never live fully independently unfortunately, her language abilities progress all the time but she'll never have full communication and will always be classed as vulnerable.

[Redway]

Listen, has she tried any medication?

[Redway]

I know certain antidepressants can take the edge off a lot of conditions but there’s only so much I can post about that on a public forum since I don’t want random strangers reading this thread to get the wrong end of the stick and self-medicate their own issues based on what’s discussed here.

I’m dipping for a couple of hours (it’s been a lousy week so far so I need to decompress) but my PM’s always open if you do want to go deeper on this particular topic.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Redway

Listen, has she tried any medication?

"Listen"

I don't think anyone knows their child better than a parent.

Within health and social care parents are often viewed as the experts when it comes to their children

I'm sure it has been explored

[Toy Soldier]

Her anxiety levels have upped lately so it's something we might have to reconsider at some point - however with her age (almost 10) it's worth waiting out for a bit to see if it's temporary and hormone related.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

"Listen"

I don't think anyone knows their child better than a parent.

Within health and social care parents are often viewed as the experts when it comes to their children

I'm sure it has been explored

Okay.

[Redway]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Her anxiety levels have upped lately so it's something we might have to reconsider at some point - however with her age (almost 10) it's worth waiting out for a bit to see if it's temporary and hormone related.

Mhm, I suppose a med. trial wouldn’t really hurt at any age, really, but at the same time it probably might be worth waiting out on that front. I hear that.

What’s she tried in the past?

[Redway]

Originally Posted by parmnion

Heavenly Father, thank You. Thank You for being everything to me and for me. You are faithful! You are concerned with everything that concerns me. I am grateful for Your Holy Spirit that comforts me during times of fear and doubt. Thank You for everything that You’ve done for me; seen and unseen. I will praise Your name, forever! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Right, okay.

I guess.