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Old 01-09-2003, 06:58 PM #1
Romantic Old Bird Romantic Old Bird is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Notts
Posts: 4,178


Romantic Old Bird Romantic Old Bird is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Notts
Posts: 4,178


Default Paul: Alex is a prat - latest

Copying this from the 'Loose Women' thread

P: H, I don't like the way that prat Alex spoke to you there. I don't like it at all.

H: Why?

P: Because he was well out of order.

H: Oh Paul, he was just being funny. I think he's funny, don't you?

P: No I bloody don't. In fact, if he ever talks to you like that in front of me, I might just land him one.

H: Paul Clarke! You're violent, you are! I think I'd better watch out for myself, living with a violent man like you.

P: You know I am not violent Helen, and even if I was (which I'm not) I would never ever hurt you. I couldn't.

H: Ah, love you, I know you wouldn't, BYLCS!

P: I hope you do know Helen, because that just wouldn't be right. I would never do anything to hurt a woman. Ever!

H: That's not completely true!

P: It is!

H: It isn't, because you hurt me once.

P: Did I? I didn't, I know I didn't. I never have.

H: You have so Mr Clarke

P: Alright then, you tell me when I hurt you

H: Well...

P: You can't, can you? 'Cos I didn't! When did I hurt you?

H: It was when you said........

P: Aaah, there you go then, you're talking WORDS. If I said something, it's different.

H: Not that different. It made me cry anyway.

P: Well I still say it's not the same. What did I say anyway?

H: You said: It was 60:40 me. In the house.

P: Bloody hell Helen, are you STILL banging on about that? I've said I'm sorry.
You know I didn't mean it like that

H: You did, you always say what you mean

P: I try to, 'cos you should do. But that time, it didn't come over right.

H: I still worry about that. Is it more me than you, and are you just being nice to me?

P: Nice? Living with you sice two weeks after it finished? Buying a house with you? Buying you stuff from Gucci, and Cartier, and having my picture taken in a flaming PINK towel!

H: It wasn't flaming pink Paul, it was Cherry Pink. It says so on the label. 'Minnie Mouse Cherry Pink Beach Towel'

P: OK then, Cherry bloody pink, it don't matter, it's the idea. Me looking like a complete idiot in that towel

H: I thought you looked lovely

P: Well, you were probably the only one who did!

H: I was worried about you.

P: Why?

H: I thought you might get cold, sitting there

P: Helen, we were in the Maldives! It's hot there

H: I know it is.

P: Well then.

H: I want taking no chances with my Mr Clarke

P: You're not joking. 36 degrees in the shade, and she thinks I'll catch I cold!

H: You laughing at me, Paul Clarke?

P: Yeah!

H: Why?

P: Cos

H: Cos I make you laugh?

P: Always. Since the day I met you. Even when I didn't like you, you still made me laugh.


H: It's good we can always laugh, don't you think, Paul?

P: It is Helen

H: So, what do you think I should have said to that Alex then?

P: Nothing I suppose. He wasn't worth the effort

H: Of getting upset?

P: No, definitely not

H: That's what I thought. So I didn't.

P: No, you were brilliant with him babe

H: I was, wasn't I?

P: Yeah

H: So Paul, that means, I was right.

P: I suppose

H: And in that case, that means, you were wrong

P: I'm not saying that!

H: You are!

P: I'm not!

H: Yes you are, you said you supposed I was right, and that I was brilliant

P: Well, I was being diplomatic

H: So you didn't mean it then?

P: Well, yeah, and ...no..

H: Paul, you are hopeless.

P: Well, I just don't like anyone giving you a hard time. You're too nice.

H: Am I?

P: Yeah, and kind

H: Don't forget loving

P: Well, I wouldn't, would I? You are loving.

H: And touchy feely?

P: Well you are very tactile

H: Paul!

P: What?

H: I don't like it when you call me that.

P: What, Tactile?

H: Yes.

P: Helen, tactile is good. It means you are very sensitive to touch, and that you like to touch other people. It's about liking getting close to people.

H: It doesn't mean oversexed then?

P: No, course not. Just, well, sensual

H: That sounds even worse

P: Well it's not. It's good. It's nice that you are tactile, and sensual. I like that about you.

H: Only like?

P: No, I love it.

H: That's alright then

P: Right

H: Paul?

P: Yeah?

H: Do you want your dinner soon

P: If it's ready, I must admit I am totally starving mate.

H: It is

P: Blinding

H: Oh, alright then

P: Why did you want to do something else first?

H: I thought you might want me to get tactile

P: Well, you should have thought of that first.

H: Dinner can wait, can't it?

P: Well, I'm starving now. You've made me think about food.

H: Well you've made me think about other stuff. Don't you want a cuddle?

P: I want my dinner, actually. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach..

H: If you say so Paul

P: Cool. Can I eat it here, while I watch the Athletics

H: If you like

P: Cheers

H: Here's your dinner then

P: Hang on babe, I'm just watching the relay final. Just put it on my lap.

H: If you want me to, here it is then

P: Cheers..............AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH

what the bloody hell???

H: Don't you like it?

P: Like it? I'm injured for life. I'll never be the same again. Why did you put it there? What is it?

H: Your tea Paul. You said 'just put it on my lap'

P: I know I did, but I thought you meant on a plate

H: You don't need a plate for Cornetto

P: Well, I didn't think you would put it there.

H: Is it really cold?

P: Err, YEAH!

H: Well, move it then

P: I will. Oh God, it's all starting to melt. I'm in a right mess now. Chocolate everywhere.

H: mmm

P: It's almost as bad as when...

H: As when what?

P: As when we was in the garden that time

H: That's a long time ago Mr Clarke

P: That was hilarious

H: It was funny

P: I had such a job to keep my hands off you that day

H: You didn't keep your hands off me

P: I tried to

H: Well you failed.

P: I did

H: Was you feeling tactile?

P: I was.

H: You alright now love?

P: No, not really

H: Ah, love you. What's the matter with you?

P: Well H, I think I might just be feeling tactile again

H: And I am. That's good, right?

P: That's pretty good, yeah

H: So that's two tactiles then!

P: But not too tactile!

H: Oh Paul, you've lost me again. I'm not much good am I?

P: Never mind Helen. It doesn't matter, it really doesn't.

H: That's OK then.

Later:

H: Oh Paul, you've missed the relay. It's all my fault for being tactile.

P: Don't worry about it Helen. There will definitely be a replay

H: Will there?

P: Absolutely

H: Fantastic! But do you think they'll show the relay again later?


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