[Red Moon]

Penny's like a swinger... and Brucie's an old duffer

STRICTLY Come Dancing judge Craig Revel Horwood gets ready to rumba as he cha-cha-chas a go at this year's contestants.

The acid-tongued Aussie said Penny Lancaster looked like a SWINGER, Letitia Dean was FAT and injured Kate Garraway was a HUMILIATION.

And the quickstep assault continued as he claimed show lothario Brendan Cole wanted to BED dance partner Kelly Brook. He even had a pop at doddery host Bruce Forsyth, 79, for stumbling over his words.

"There's only about three words to each autocue page now," he revealed.

"If Bruce didn't do the screw-ups it wouldn't be the same. People wait to see what he does wrong next."

But Craig whinged: "I can't bear him interrupting me. It makes me look bloody stupid and the biggest bitch. I'm there for a reason—to criticise the dances."

So here's choreographer Craig, 40, getting some little-needed training in that department.

Speaking for the first time about the contestants, he sniped that leggy Penny, who burst into tears at his comments on last week's show, acted more like a swinger than a dancer.

He said: "She's arrogant. I know she's having a good time but with her outfit it looked like she was at some swingers' party.

"Part of the problem is she's 6ft 3in. Her legs are so long she can't get them out in time. She's discovered she's got a lot more work to do."

Next Craig savaged ex-EastEnder Letitia Dean, heartbroken after her marriage break-up, for being too fat—then did a nifty backstep saying she could still dance well. He said: "She shouldn't be paranoid about it. Go out there and show people it's OK to be bigger.

"You can still dance your ass off it you're a fat porker."

Craig—whose interview can be seen on video at notw.co.uk— added: "Letitia's fantastic personality shines through. But I feel sorry for her. Who wouldn't lose confidence dancing next to Amazons like Kelly, Penny and Gabby (Logan).

"Now she really needs to get her body together and do crunches to reduce her stomach."

Matchmaker Craig reckons Letitia and fellow contestant Dominic Littlewood could make a great couple. "They're suited. They're both feisty but the only question is if she'd sleep with a dancing bullfrog. I know I wouldn't!"

Giving his verdict on the other girls he thinks singer Alesha Dixon is good but may not be popular with the audience and Gabby, who's competing against her rugby star husband Kenny Logan, is out to win.

"She wears the pants and will tread all over Kenny to win. He tries hard but doesn't have much of a future. He looks like a gorilla."

TV's Mr Nasty now wants crocked GMTV presenter Kate Garraway, who was on crutches with tendonitis at the start of the BBC1 series, to have her last tango in the ballroom.

"I would get her out as soon as possible. She hasn't milked her injury and is doing her best. But she doesn't have flair.

"The audience is being brutal putting her through every week. It's just to humiliate her in front of 12 million people."

He also had a go at her dance partner Anton Du Beke for being a bad sport. "He's trying to become the new Brendan by swearing. It's totally unprofessional. I understand his frustration because he's dancing with Kate but it's his job to make her look as good as he can."

Craig also has no sympathy with other contestants complaining that Kelly and Penny had extra dance tuition before the show began.

"If I was going on this programme I'd be training. You can't just turn up on the day and think it's going to be OK."

Craig reckons womaniser Brendan—who's dating French beauty Nathalie Albouy and has been linked to a string of girls including former dance partner Natasha Kaplinsky—will still try his luck with gorgeous partner Kelly.

He said: "In his head I know he's still thinking he has a chance to score with Kelly. He thinks every woman swoons over him. But he's not that pretty to look at."

Craig admitted that Kelly's fiancé Billy Zane is trying to BRIBE him to give her good scores. "He buys me drinks at the bar all the time to encourage me to give her high marks."

But Craig reckons tough times are ahead for the model. "She's good at all the Latin dances but the ballroom ones are more technical."

He thinks the boys—including Blue Peter's Gethin Jones, EastEnder Matt Di Angelo and ex-footballer John Barnes—have made the most improvement.

"They're on the way up. Gethin's not bad and has the looks, Matt will give the girls a run for their money and John's got natural rhythm and is getting fitter. He's already lost a stone."

Craig reserved his harshest words for the show's biggest competitor, ITV1's X Factor. "They're desperate for ratings. The only way they can get viewers is by Sharon walking off or them throwing water over each other.

"The way she behaved was completely unprofessional. You don't see me crying when an act I loved get booted off."

But he confessed there were also strains this year between the Strictly judges, who include Arlene Phillips and Len Goodman.

"Arlene's got very mouthy. Her voice drives me mad. And Len is too soft. If it's not up to scratch he should score accordingly.

"We don't agree but I hope the public agree with me."

Don't worry Craig, we'd give you a perfect ten for cattiness.

Source:News of the World